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My Drug Rehab Was My Moment Shine

I thought doing cocaine at lunch was normal when I was 16. It actually seemed like the only normal thing about me at the time. Men attracted me I thought, but at the same time, was attracted to women. My family situation was, complicated. My Dad lived at home but my Mother and him were definitely NOT together. They never spoke and both worked late. I took care of Emily, my little sister as we the train each morning into the city for school. This is where I would get my drugs and this is where my addiction would hold me tight. So tight, I couldn’t breath. Day after day my New York City routine continued. I continued to reach out for an adult hand to hold but that continued to fail. My parents failed me too. It was not their fault, they worked so hard for Emily and I. I was my decision to turn to promiscuity, cocaine and alcohol. It was their decision to send me to drug rehab.

I attended Substance Abuse Treatment with Emily in ICU

substance abuse

Throughout my life I had become accustomed to heartbreak. Most of the men I dated left me because I never, “seemed into them.” Most women left me because, “I couldn’t commit.” What never left me what alcohol and drugs. I loved them and drugs and alcohol loved me. They always did what they said they were going to do, get me wasted. So for my entire 4 years in high school I got drunk. My grades slipped, my appearance downgraded from a 7 to a 3. Over the course of my use I only felt pain once, the night before I went to drug rehab. Emily my sweet 12 year-old, pigtailed, perfect little sister tried my cocaine. I was putting my coke in pixie stix in case my parents decided to be parents. Emily went into my purse and tried one. I was being admitted to into a substance abuse treatment facility in Florida before she left the hospital.

I Was Broken Alone and Addicted

I held my pillow and pretended it was Emily every night in drug rehab. Some nights I could swear the pillow hugged me. I almost killed the only person that cared about me I thought. For the first 2 days of substance abuse treatment I stayed in bed. Unable to face what I had become. Then, all of the staff of my drug rehab came into the room. They told me Emily was going to live, but if I didn’t quit drugs, I would die.

The Drug Rehab Mirror Showed Me My Soul

substance abuse treatment

My therapist, my sweet angel, made me face the mirror in the bathroom of my substance abuse treatment center. She made me look into my own eyes and scream, “You need to take a chance!” Over and over I screamed, “You need to take a chance.” I screamed probably 30 or 40 times. I was crying like a baby and was pilled up on the floor like dirty towel. The therapist left room and said, “We Only Regret The Chances We Didn’t Take.”

My Life Was Saved Through Recovery

Today Emily is 18 and she will be attending Rice University in the fall. She is my best friend and was my maid of honor when I married Meaghan last spring. I’ve been sober over 6 years and it’s because one day someone told me to do one thing, Take A Chance.

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