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Will Heroin Addiction Always Be My First Love

When I first shot heroin in my veins, I knew I was in love. Heroin addiction was the first true love of my life and it was intense. I didn’t realize how much this would impact my recovery from drug abuse until much later on when Donny, a therapist at the heroin rehab I went to explained something to me. He said, “You love heroin more than anyone else in the world because it always give you exactly what you want, it gets you high.” That made a lot of sense to me. Heroin always made me feel great initially. Even the name, “Heroin” was awesome. I know now looking back how destructive my love of heroin was, but I also look back at how strong that love was and wonder if I will ever be able to love a man they way I loved heroin.

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Donny’s words that day have really been a window into all of my drug addiction problems and relationships problems. Anytime I start dating a guy, I get to the point where I am “Not Feeling It.” That “It” being I am not high. I am not getting high. I’m starting to thin that all of my boyfriends will always simply love in the shadow of my heroin addiction. Will another person really be able to make me tingle like heroin did? Will another person be the only thing I think about from the moment I wake up? Will I find comfort and happiness just seeing their car pull up the way I felt at home and same every time my drug dealer’s car rolled up? I do not know. I also wonder if I should love another person the way I did heroin addiction.

If I Love My Boy Friend More Than Heroin Is That Good?

I hate the word co-dependency. It basically means loving a human the way you love heroin addiction. So the last 6 years I have really been looking for a guy I love more than heroin. It is essentially the same long pursuit I endured with my drug addiction problems. Always chasing that dragon and looking for the next great high. I put all of my soul into my heroin addiction and all it did was create more drug addiction problems. That being said I’m pretty sure that if I find a man I love as much as heroin I will put all my soul into a relationship and find nothing but relationship addiction problems. So I went back to Donny for a solution and he said, I need to be addicted to loving my self.

How to Get Addicted to Loving My Self

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How do you love yourself? *How does one get addicted to loving herself? The second question was the most difficult to understand, until I realized that heroin addiction and loving a man have the same common core. They make me feel great. So all I have to do is make myself feel great using zero chemicals and having no male interaction. I figured it, and I have been doing it, I just need to do it more. Helping other women. Take girls to meetings, sponsor other women, be there as a shoulder to cry on and be holding a card on another woman anniversary. Waking up and going to work and paying my bills and saying I’m sorry and saying “I love You.” I can do all these things, I have done all these thing, I just need to do it more and I bet you when I do, the shadow of heroin addiction will be gone.

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