by Fiona Stockard | Jan 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
How Do You Tell a Child You’re Sober?
I don’t have children, so this is a hypothetical question for me. For many women (hell, for many men!) in recovery, it’s a very real question. How do you explain to your kids that mommy or daddy is a recovering alcoholic?
I’ve been in meetings where there are young children present. This rocks for two reasons. First, they’re kids and they’re so cute! Second, it shows a huge level of dedication to sobriety. Think about it – the child’s parents are so committed to staying sober that they’re willing to bring their child to a meeting. My metaphorical hat is off!
I always wonder, though, what the child thinks. Do they understand the seriousness of what’s going on? Can they pick up on the life or death struggle that alcoholics deal with? Do they think mommy and daddy’s friends are a bunch of tattooed weirdos?
So, with that in mind, I’ve gathered some of my thoughts about explaining addiction and recovery to children. They may be wonderful, awesome, one-of-a-kind thoughts. They may stink. I’m not sure! Like I said, I’m not a parent.
It’s my hope that the following can help someone struggling with the frightening question of how to best tell their kid that they’re a sober woman of grace and dignity!
Be Open & Honest From a Young Age
Children are smart! They pick up on then we give them credit for. If you bring your kids to meetings, or even if you used to drink around them, I’m sure they’ve figured out that something’s up.
So, lay it all on the table. Tell them that you used to drink or drug and no longer do. Don’t go into your war stories, or share details that are inappropriate, but be open and honest.
I’m speaking from personal experience. I have an aunt who’s sober. While being an aunt is different from being a parent, the same principles apply. When I started to get into trouble with drugs and booze, she sat me down and explained her past struggles.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back I appreciate her reaching out so much!
Have Your Sober Supports in Their Life
Did someone say free babysitting? I kid, I kid!
All jokes aside, introduce your sponsor to your children. After all, she’s the woman who taught you how to live. She’s the woman who gave you the chance to be a responsible parent. I’m sure your kids will adore her!
Sober supports, sponsor or otherwise, are the lifeblood of recovery. They’re the reason we’re sane members of society! At least, they are for me! Remember what I said about children picking up on things? I’m willing to bet they’ll pick up on your sober supports’ serenity and peace.
When the day comes that I have kids, I can’t think of a woman I want them to meet more than my sponsor!
Let Them Read the Big Book When They’re Old Enough
Although there are sections of the Big Book that aren’t suitable for children, most of it is a great lesson in how to be selfless, patient, giving, and responsible. What more could a child ask for? Well…probably some video games!
Really, though, Bill, Dr. Bob, and the first one hundred managed to write an amazing manual on how to live the type of life everyone wants. They managed to write about how to be happy, joyous, and free.
That seems like the kind of lesson to pass on to a child!
Include Them in Your Prayer & Meditation
This is, for me anyway, the most important part about telling a child you’re in recovery. Although sober supports are the lifeblood of sobriety, prayer and meditation are sobriety itself.
What better way to expose a kid to what recovery is really about then involving them in your prayer life? They’ll learn that, no matter what, they can turn to a Higher Power for help.
In today’s tumultuous world, that seems like a priceless gift.
by Sally Rosa | Jan 14, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Fame & Addiction
If you Google almost any celebrity, really almost any celebrity, chances are there’s going to be something about drugs, booze, or harmful behavior close to the top. I just tried it with Dustin Diamond, the most random celebrity I could think of, and immediately found this story.
Dustin Diamond played Screech on Saved By the Bell. He’s been out of the spotlight for years. Yet searching his name turns up numerous articles about his drinking and drugging. Why is that?
Why is it that fame, current or past, seems to breed addiction? Why do we end up tearing apart our pop culture heroes? Why do we get entertainment out of watching them fall into active addiction or mental illness?
I’m asking these questions to myself as much as I’m asking them to you, readers. I’m guilty of all of the above. To make it worse, I’m a woman in recovery! If anyone should have compassion and love for those struggling with addiction, it should be me!
Now don’t get me wrong, I do feel compassion for celebrities who aren’t doing too hot. Remember when Amanda Bynes was all over the news? I found it horrible that we were making entertainment of her mental illness and possible addiction. Still, I found myself unable to turn away.
Why? Why do I, and why do we, do this?
Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer. What I do have are some thoughts that, upon careful reflection and meditation, may lead to an answer.
Why Do We Enjoy Watching Celebrities Fail?
Do we? I don’t know. What I do know is that I take some weird and twisted satisfaction from watching celebrities fall down. I’m almost ashamed to admit it!
You know in the Big Book when it talks about “murder by character assassination?” I think my fascination, all of our fascination really, with watching celebrities struggle is linked to that.
It makes us feel better to put other people down. It takes a lot of spiritual work to get rid of that simple truth. I’ve been sober for almost seven years and I’m still working towards it!
So, watching celebrities falter and suffer from addiction, mental illness, harmful behaviors, etc. may be a form of that. Like I said above, I don’t know for sure.
I do know it’s vital for our sobriety to treat everyone, no matter how high or low, with patience, tolerance, and love. We’re doing a pretty crappy job of that by taking part in the “celebrity shaming” culture.
Does It Makes Them Seem More Human?
Let’s look at Amy Winehouse. She of the smoky voice. She of the multimillion-dollar fortune. She of the addict and alcoholic disease.
I love Amy Winehouse’s music. It hit me right in the chest from the first time I heard it. Plus, she was talking about refusing rehab! That’s something most of us women in recovery can relate to!
image via Billboard
Amy Winehouse seemed larger than life. She seemed like some sort of musical Goddess. Maybe watching her struggle with addiction made her seem more human. Maybe it made her seem more approachable, more relatable.
Again, I don’t know for sure. Maybe this isn’t the case at all. Maybe I’m just off on a tangent that I need to reel myself back in from. God knows that’s happened before!
Do We Secretly Hate Celebrities?
Well, do we? I’ve thought this before. Are we so envious of the rich and famous that we’re secretly rooting for them to fail? Are we so jealous of their status that we take a sick pleasure in watching them fall?
Look, I want to be famous. I’ll just put it out there. I think everyone does. It’s not my primary goal in life (thankfully, my primary goal is to help other women!) But who wouldn’t want millions, billions even, of screaming fans? Who wouldn’t want to never worry about money again? Who wouldn’t want to have their every need taken care of?
Is my desire to be famous the reason I find myself glued to the TV and sites like Perez Hilton? Who knows. What I do know is I need to find a way to treat struggling celebrities with the same compassion and care I treat women in the rooms with.
What’s the Solution?
Yet again, I don’t have an answer to this question. I do have some ideas though.
I think the solution, like the solution to most problems in my life, lies in prayer and meditation. When I stop trying to answer these questions myself, when I give them up to a God of my own understanding, I’ll be able to practice love, tolerance, and patience for everyone.
So, how do I get to this point? Simple. I need to start praying for celebrities. That seems strange, right? I need to bring men and women who have everything they could ever want into my prayer life. Weird world!
It’s true, though. When I have a resentment, I pray for the person I’m resentful towards. I pray for days, weeks, months, however long it takes to get rid of the resentment. Why should celebrities be any different? Just because I don’t have a conscious resentment towards them doesn’t mean I can’t go to God with my issues.
Okay, ladies, starting right now I’m going to turn off my computer and go pray for some celebrities! I’ll let you know how it goes. If you find yourself unable to turn away from the TV, I suggest you try the same!
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 12, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
Ten Strange Sober Life Hacks
Go to meetings, don’t pick up a drink, stay away from bars, and call somebody when you feel like drinking. Yes, those are the obvious things you can do to keep yourself standing up straight, away from a drink, and out of jail.
Everyone knows those, but not everybody knows the lesser-known tricks of the sober game.
There are some simple, weird, and crazy things that, if performed each day, will help reprogram your brain and set you on a path of health, happiness, and respect.
Before we get started – a quick shout out to the haters. These are to be used in conjunction with a twelve-step program. So, now that the disclaimer has been stated, I present to you:
Ten weird things you can do to stay sober!
10) Take the Long Way to Work
Here you are, one day sober and driving to work. You’re passing the bar you drank at before work, the bar you drank at during lunch, and the bar you went to after you skipped out of work a half hour early.
You’re used to this path, even if the bars don’t dot the hillside. You know this path. Today, your first day sober, is about doing things you don’t know how to do. So, take the long way to work. See new things. Change your path and you’ll change your brain.
9) Flick Your Forehead
Feel like a drink? Flick your forehead.
Thinking about snagging some pills? Flick your forehead.
Want to call your ex and tell her he ruined your whole life? Flick your forehead.
This simple little trick will train your confused and addiction-riddled brain to associate thoughts of bad behavior with pain. This practice will start to tear down the idea that it feels good to drink, use, and yell at people.
8) Sing Very Loud
If you can’t sing well, sing loud. If you can sing well, sing even louder!
What the hell, crank up some Kelly Clarkson and let the world know that “you can breath for the first time!” You’re not drinking anymore, so you’re “So, moving on.”
Singing will make you happy. It releases endorphins. It trains your body to recognize your behaviors with bringing joy. Music changes our thought patterns quicker than most other form of therapy. The more music you associate with your newfound happy, skippy, sober life, the better.
7) Dance Before You Get in the Shower
Get that blood pumping! Get that smile working! Take a minute just for yourself to be free, silly, happy, and alone.
We drunks and druggies associate being alone with bad things, but this isn’t always true. Being alone and dancing can twist your brain away from the idea that when your alone, you’re unloved and sad. Dancing alone each day will let you know that being alone is safe, healthy, and fun!
6) Replace Every Swear Word You Say With the Word Love
Don’t be so negative all the time. Yes, people act like jerks when driving, but as soon as you flip them off or drop an f-bomb, you start to feel guilty.
So, that bass-thumping, window-tinted, rap-blaring, big-rimed Toyota Corolla that sounds like the engine is going to explode, driven by a one hundred and thirty pound Eminem look alike, cuts you off…what do you do?
Instead of yelling, “I’m going to kill you,” say “I’M GOING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!”
Don’t say, “Go f-yourself,” say “GO LOVE YOURSELF!”
You can even get creative with it. Try something like this, “YOU CUT ME OFF BUT THAT IS OK I DON’T REALLY MIND I STILL LOVE YOU JUST FOR BEING YOU!”
Do you mean any of these nice things? Absolutely not. But after you say it, you’ll feel good and start to believe it.
5) Eat Dessert for Breakfast and Eat Breakfast for Dinner
Again, change the way you do things. So what, your body has been through a war already. Ice cream for breakfast won’t kill you. Bacon for dinner? Do it! Just do things different and have fun with it!
This will make all the other new things you do seem fun too. Hell, you could even invite friends over for a morning piece of cake and coffee. Think how great you’ll feel heading to work!
4) Write a Nice Poem about Someone You Hate
Okay, I hate Carly.
So, a good way to not hate her is to kill her…but that’s wrong in the eyes of God, and everyone, and I’ll go to jail. I’ll write a poem about her instead!
Make a list of all the things that Carly has going on and focus your poem on only those wonderful qualities. But Carly hasn’t one single good thing going on? Guess what? You’re wrong! Everyone has at least three positive things to focus on, I promise you.
3) Tell a Joke to the Cashier at Wal-Mart
Do you know how bad it must be to work at Wal-Mart? So, try and make someone else’s life better, if only for a few seconds.
Think of a joke and tell the cashier. If they don’t laugh or smile, so what? You tried and they’ll be glad that someone tried to make their day better.
2) Buy a Random Person a Lottery Ticket
Do it for no reason other than doing it. Yes, they could win a billion dollars. Yes, you won’t. It doesn’t matter.
Doing random awesome things for people is the best way to get outside yourself and make others feel good. You never know what’s going on in the life of a stranger. You never know what a simple one-dollar gesture will do.
Win or lose it will be the best $1 you ever spent.
1) Scream
Alone, outside, just do it. One long and angry scream. Then, move on with your day because things are starting to look pretty good. Soon there will be nothing to yell about!
by A Women in Sobriety | Jan 9, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Binge Drinking & Our Bodies
It should come as no surprise that binge drinking is dangerous! It makes people behave stupidly, puts them at high risk for all types of accidents and diseases, and costs society a ton of money. Well, now there’s one more harmful effect to add to the list.
According to a new study, conducted by researchers at Loyola University, binge drinking actually damages our body’s immune system. That doesn’t sound too good!
Okay, so binge drinking can lead to accidents, injuries, assault, general health problems, STD’s, and a damaged immune system. Seems like it’s time to stop knocking back the drinks and start taking a look at why people binge drink in the first place.
I’ll touch on that later, but first let’s look at the new research.
The New Facts about Binge Drinking
Dr. Elizabeth Kovacs, the head of Loyola’s Alcohol Research Program (shout out to women in power!), is the co-author of this new study. In it, her and other scientists measured fifteen people’s immune system responses before and after drinking.
They took a baseline reading, gave the study participants four or five shots of vodka, and took another reading. Side note – where was this study when I was drinking and drugging?! I would have loved to get drunk for science!
Interestingly enough, when the booze was at peak levels in the participants’ systems, their immune systems were more active than before drinking. Weird, right? Then the researchers measured immune system response two and five hours after drinking.
By this point, all the participants’ immune systems were moving at sluggish levels. This could be due to the depressant effects of alcohol. It could be because of a million other factors. Who knows?
What this study makes clear is that more research needs to be done! After all, binge drinking is harmful in so many ways. It’s important to figure out all of them. If there’s more knowledge of the dangers binge drinking presents, hopefully fewer people will do it!
Other Binge Drinking Dangers
Like I just mentioned above, binge drinking has a ton of negative side effects. That’s obvious enough to us, as recovering alcoholics and addicts!
There are the obvious dangers like being too drunk to consent to sexual activity. But then there are subtler dangers. Find a list of some dangers of binge drinking below:
- Binge drinking has led to an increase of children being born with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. These are cognitive impairments similar to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but, generally speaking, less severe.
- Binge drinking costs the U.S. more than $223 billion annually. Think about that number for a second. 223 billion dollars! That’s an obscene amount of money! These costs come from lost productivity, health care costs, and crime.
- Here’s an obvious one – binge drinking can, and often does, lead to alcoholism!
- Binge drinking is commonly associated with unintentional injuries (car crashes, falls, accidents), sexual assault, domestic violence, STD’s (too drunk to care about using protection), and many health problems. Health problems may include: high blood pressure, an enlarged liver, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and kidney disease.
Okay…So What?
That’s a good question! Everyone knows binge drinking is dangerous. The new findings about how it compromises our immune systems aren’t incredibly surprising. So why talk about it? Why devote an entire essay to it?
The answer’s simple – we, as a society, need to change how we view alcohol. Women in recovery know how harmful it is. But what about others? Generally speaking, American culture celebrates drinking. We don’t view it as something dangerous, but rather as something that everyone does.
If we want to see less people binge drinking, and by extension less people being hurt by binge drinking, we need to change up the narrative! And what better place to start than by those in recovery? We’ve seen firsthand the harmful and sometimes fatal consequences of booze. We’re basically the experts!
So, world, listen when I say that binge drinking needs to stop! If a normie wants to have a glass of wine with dinner, that’s fine. If that same normie wants to have six glasses of wine and four Jello shots in an hour, well, that’s not fine.
Remember, we can all change!
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 7, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Vitamins Help in Early-Sobriety!
Getting sober is tough! If it were easy, everyone would do it! The reality of getting sober is that it’s a scary, overwhelming, and often painful process. Being forced to sober up after years (or decades!) of drinking and drugging isn’t fun.
Fortunately there are some things us drunks and addicts can do to improve our early-sobriety experience. These are things like eating healthy, seeking outside help to deal with unexpected emotions, and taking vitamins.
Today, I’m going to focus on the benefits of taking vitamins in early-recovery. After all, anything that we, as newly sober women, can do to feel better and help our bodies return to health is key!
Find a list of common vitamins and how they can help during early-sobriety below!
Multivitamins
A once daily multivitamin is the easiest and most common type of vitamin to take during early-recovery. It packs in it all kinds of vitamins and minerals our bodies desperately need after an extended period of drug and alcohol abuse.
Most multivitamins contain a mix of, well, multiple vitamins! These may include: vitamin C, a whole host of B vitamins, and vitamins H, A, E, D, and K. They also commonly include potassium iodide, zinc, calcium, magnesium, manganese, and iron.
Thiamin
Thiamin is also known as vitamin B1. It plays a huge role in boosting immune and mental health. It also gives energy and focus, like most B vitamins, and helps to reduce stress.
Thiamin helps our bodies process carbohydrates. When we’re in active alcoholism, we don’t get a ton of carbs. We’re mainly surviving off sugar from booze. I was anyway!
So, in early-sobriety, taking thiamin regularly can help restore our liver to health quicker than it would be otherwise. Thiamin can also make this freighting and stressful period a bit more manageable!
B-Complex Vitamins
B-complex vitamins are all about energy! Do you find yourself dragging in early-sobriety? Are you tired after years of getting drunk? Fear not, simply take a B-complex!
B-complex vitamins typically include: thiamin (B1), riboflavin (B2), niacin (B3), biotin, folic acid, B12, and vitamins C and E.
The health benefits of B-complex vitamins are nearly endless. They help to produce healthy new blood cells, protect against free radicals, prevent heart disease, boost good cholesterol (HDL), prevent acne, boost reproductive hormones, regulate sleep and mood, promote hair, nail, and skin health, prevent memory loss, and even boost other vitamins (for example, B12 helps B9 which then helps iron carry oxygen to other cells).
Whew, that’s a lot of good stuff! It’s important to note that taking a B-complex isn’t guaranteed to make all the above happen. Rather, B-complex vitamins promote general health throughout the body.
It’s plain to see there are a lot of reasons to take B-complex vitamins!
Niacin & Glutamine
You know those extreme alcohol cravings we sometimes get in early-recovery? Well, one of their causes is low blood sugar. Our bodies adjust to taking in hundreds, even thousands, of calories of sugar from booze. Once we stop drinking, our bodies don’t know what to do without this sugar!
Niacin (also known as B3, see above for some more B vitamin benefits!) helps to regulate blood sugar levels. Glutamine is an essential amino acid that also helps regulate blood sugar.
Having an early-sobriety craving? Well, first call your sponsor, sober supports, and pray. Then pop a B3 vitamin and a glutamine tablet. Chances are your craving will subside in a matter of minutes!
Vitamin C
And here we come to the granddaddy of all vitamins, vitamin C. Vitamin C is an antioxidant that promotes general body and brain health. It’s also been shown to help ease the physical withdrawal symptoms associated with opiates, alcohol, and benzo’s.
Vitamin C helps to restore hair, skin, and organs to health. In addition to all the above, vitamin C may also help the body fight immune system deficiencies (from the mild, like a cold, to the drastic, like Hep C and HIV), ease symptoms associated with cardiovascular disease and eye disease, and even prevent skin from wrinkling as quickly.
Mark Moyad, a doctor from the University of Michigan, had the following to say about vitamin C:
“Higher blood levels of vitamin C may be the ideal nutrition marker for overall health” (WebMD).
What’s Your Point?
That’s a great question, dear readers! Vitamins are extremely beneficial and important to take. Am I going to ask you to finish your broccoli next? Well, broccoli does offer some interesting health benefits…
All jokes aside, taking vitamins in early-sobriety is important for the simple fact that they help. I destroyed my body for years with drugs and booze. Even after getting sober, I still ate unhealthy foods and didn’t take good care of myself.
So, when I finally woke up and realized the substantial benefits that taking a few vitamins each morning offered, I jumped right on the train. Why is it important to take vitamins during early-sobriety? Try it out and let me know how much better you feel! You’ll have answered your own question!
