by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
The Article Heard Round the World: Amanda Bynes and Mental Illness
Last week, a young writer name Sam Dylan Finch shed a very human perspective on Amanda Bynes and her ongoing struggles with mental illness.
The essay was, simply put, breathtaking. Since being published, it’s gone very viral. Sam explores how we as a culture view, and react to, celebrities with mental illness. Perhaps the best point made is the discrepancy between how we reacted to the death of Robin Williams and how we’re currently treating Amanda Bynes.
Laughter & Mental Illness: A Not So Subtle Hint to Treat Amanda Bynes with Compassion
We treat those with mental illness, and addiction, very differently when they’re alive and when they’re dead. For that matter, we treat average women suffering from mental illness, or addiction, very different from a suffering celebrity.
Why is this? Why do we place celebrities on a pedestal, while also tearing them down? Why do we view Amanda Bynes as the punch line of a joke and Robin Williams as a tragic reminder of our humanity? Why do we treat celebrity mental illness as entertainment instead of a deadly sickness?
Oh dear readers, I wish I knew! I don’t have an easy answer. I don’t think there is an easy answer. I think we’re human and messy and contradictory. I think we like to idolize celebrities and believe fame is possible, only to tear them down and make ourselves feel better.
For that matter, I think we treat celebrity mental illness differently than “normal” mental illness because celebrities seem untouchable. None of us really know what Amanda Bynes is going through. Hell, we don’t even know if she is mentally ill. While it’s clear something serious and tragic is happening in her life, she has yet to confirm any diagnosis.
So, assuming Amanda does suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar, or any form of mental illness, we still don’t understand her struggle (even those of us who have these same mental illnesses!). Maybe we treat celebrity mental illness differently because, surprise, it is different.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should mock Amanda Bynes. I hate that she’s the butt of jokes. I hate that I’ve made these jokes. I hate that watching her Twitter is akin to watching TV for some people. Still, her experience with mental illness is very different than mine. Her experience with mental illness is very different than yours. Her experience with mental illness is just that, her experience.
Are We Bad People for Laughing? A Critical Look at Our Reactions to Mental Illness & Death
Sam’s essay made me question my reaction to Amanda Bynes and her public unraveling. It also made me question my reaction to the death of Robin Williams.
When Robin Williams took his life, as a direct result of mental illness, I mourned. I wasn’t alone. Our entire nation mourned. We celebrated too. We celebrated the life, career, and personality of a wonderful man. We celebrated the legacy of a one-of-a-kind comedian and social critic.
Why is it that in death, be it from mental illness or addiction, we mourn the sufferer? Why is it that we wait until they’re gone to celebrate their achievements? Why don’t we try to help while they’re alive?
Again, I wish I knew! I can’t come up with a single reason I haven’t tried to help Amanda Bynes (in whatever small and tiny way I can). I can’t come up with a single reason I don’t have the same compassion for her that I have for a woman who walks into a meeting.
Why is that? Why do we laugh rather than help? Why do we mourn afterwards, instead of offering help during?
Let’s start the conversation with those questions. If we keep asking ourselves why, sooner or later we’re going to have to answer. If we keep the fact that Amanda Bynes is sick, rather than simply crazy, at the forefront of our minds, maybe we’ll show her the same compassion we show each other.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 27, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Articles are the sole work of the individual author and do not express the opinion of Sobriety for Women.
Meeting Makers Make It
Meeting makers make it is my least favorite phrase in AA. There I said it! If you’re anything like me, you’ve been thinking the same thing for a long time.
Is there any saying more cliché and ultimately untrue? I can’t think of any! But my opinions are just that, opinions. You know what they say – opinions are like…well you know.
So, for the sake of journalistic integrity, I’m going to hold back from going on an intense rant.
Attending twelve-step meetings is important. Attending twelve-step meetings is KEY to achieving and maintaining sobriety! It’s at meetings that we hear a message of hope. It’s at meetings that we get a sponsor and then, in the future, get sponsees. It’s at meetings that we’re able to spread the message of recovery.
All of that is vital to long-term sobriety. Notice anything missing from the above list, though? That’s right, there wasn’t anything about working the steps.
Meeting Makers Make Meetings
Meetings don’t keep us sober. Working the twelve-steps (in order and with a sponsor!) keeps us sober. Entering into a relationship with God as we understand God keeps us sober. Taking other women through the steps keeps us sober.
So, what about meeting makers? Well, they make meetings. Meeting makers experience the fellowship aspect of twelve-step recovery. Once again, this is a vital part of sobriety. Still, it doesn’t allow us to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
To put it another way, only going to meetings never kept a needle out of my arm.
The Benefit of Going to Meetings
It’s at twelve-step meetings that the process of recovery begins. The first time I heard someone at a meeting share what was going on in my head, my jaw dropped. I was so taken aback that someone else actually knew what I was thinking and feeling! I immediately knew I was in the right place. I immediately knew these people could help me.
That’s the identification part of recovery. It’s important. After all, if I didn’t believe the steps could help me, I wouldn’t have done them. Duh! There’s more that’s needed for REAL sobriety, though.
First, I reached out to women I met in meetings. I listened to what people said. I talked to people who said things that made sense to me. I got numbers and called those numbers. Finally, I found a woman who had everything I wanted in life.
She smiled, laughed, and seemed happy. She could look other people in the eye. She had friends. I had nothing and couldn’t look anyone in the eye. I didn’t smile or laugh. I definitely wasn’t happy.
I asked this woman to sponsor me. I was sweating and shaking like I was dope sick. I was so scared she’d say no! She said yes and I got her number. I called her exactly zero times.
All of the above stuff is important. It’s needed and vital for sobriety and recovery, but it’s not enough.
My Experience
I had a bunch of meetings I hit regularly. I had sober supports. I even had a sponsor. Guess what happened? I relapsed.
See, I still had the mental obsession and spiritual malady. I hadn’t done any work on myself. I was still sick and suffering. Some people call it “stark raving sober.”
So, I relapsed. I got high for around a year. During that year, I was in and out of the rooms. I was making meetings, but I wasn’t making “it.” I was a slave to the obsession to use drugs and alcohol.
Finally, I was beat up enough. I called my sponsor and said, “I’m done. I’ll do anything you tell me to.” I meant what I said. I was so sick of living the way I was. My sponsor got me right into the steps.
Recovery in Every Sense of the Word
I started working steps and I got better. I got better FAST. Within six months, I had a spiritual experience. The obsession to drug and drink was removed. God replaced my spiritual malady. I started to sponsor other girls. For the first time in my life, I felt okay.
Would that have happened if I only went to meetings? Nope. Twelve-step literature tells us so. It doesn’t matter if you go to AA, NA, CA, GA, or any other A. They all tell us the same thing. They tell us that the real alcoholic or addict is unable to get better without a spiritual experience.
Once I started to do some work (aka the twelve-steps), I had a spiritual experience. I found a God of my own understanding. I found peace.
What about those meeting makers? Well, they’re still making meetings. I’m out in the world, living my life.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Zelda Williams, Robin Williams Daughter, Reveals Her New Ink
Without giving in to hyperbole, it’s safe to say that Robin Williams death shocked the nation. We lost an actor, comedian, and social critic with few peers.
In the wake of his passing, a conversation was sparked about mental illness, depression, and effective mental health treatment. That’s been the silver lining – a renewed and honest look at how we can help those suffering from mental illness.
Robin Williams daughter Zelda is keeping the conversation going. She recently revealed, via Instagram, a touching memorial to her father. It’s a tattoo of a hummingbird with Robin’s birthday underneath.
Hummingbirds have a unique appeal to the Williams family. They can be seen throughout almost all of Robin Williams movies. His memorial service also featured wristbands with hummingbirds on them.
Thank you for reminding us about your father, Zelda. More importantly, thank you for continuing the conversation your father starter. We can all change!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
An Unintended Overdose
One of our wonderful fans, the talented Ariana Galante, sent us this poem.
Ariana’s a high school junior from Pennsylvania. She wrote “The Risky Game” after her school hosted a drug awareness seminar.
She was moved by this seminar, saying it brought back memories of her experience with a family member’s addiction. She lived in constant fear of losing her sister. Today, she says, her sister is doing great and has been sober for a few years.
Thanks Ariana! You rock!
If any other Sobriety For Women fans would like to send us work, shoot an email to info@sobrietyforwomen.com. Remember, we can all change!
The Risky Game
One time.
One chance.
I take the risk.
Will it be my last?
Heavy eyes,
dizzy head,
I lay down,
on my bed.
Hurry please!
Come get me now!
Find me!
I’m beginning to drown.
I doze off.
I drift.
Flying high,
but now stiff.
She enters.
Sees me lying here,
coming closer,
touches my hair.
I’m cold.
She falls.
Grabs her phone,
and makes that call.
That dreaded day,
we are now apart,
my mistake,
her broken heart.
But for me,
what seemed like a fun time,
careless actions,
turned into the way I died.
–Ariana Galante
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 27, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Eight
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down step ten from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Ten
Step ten is “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
This is the cornerstone of our spiritual growth! If we want to continue to grow in the image of likeness of God as we understand God, we must be vigilant! Taking a daily inventory is how we stay vigilant. It’s how we nurture our souls. It’s how we, as women in sobriety, become women of grace and dignity.
It’s important to remember that our daily inventory can take many different forms. It doesn’t have to be a written reflection of our day before bed. It can be a spot check, or throughout the day, inventory. It can be a morning meditation followed by periodic “God check-ins.”
Like most aspects of AA, it’s personal to each woman. Whatever sort of inventory allows us to connect with God is the sort of inventory we should be doing. In fact, the Big Book says,
“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone” (p. 84).
If we take this sort of inventory on a daily basis, our lives change dramatically. Into Action then lists the Tenth Step Promises. This is a wonderful section of the Big Book that requires its own, in-depth, exploration. Expect an article soon!
It’s hard to keep up this level of spiritual action and growth. Into Action addresses this idea, too. It says, “It is easy to let up on our spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe” (p. 85).
That’s the truth! Growing in the image and likeness of a Higher Power isn’t easy! Pain is a great motivator, but what about when our lives get good? What about when pain fades and is replaced by freedom and happiness?
Well, the Big Book reads, “We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition” (p. 85).
If we don’t stay vigilant, if we don’t keep up this level of spiritual growth, we lose our daily reprieve. In turn, the mental obsession returns and we drink. It’s that simple.
Into Action then offers suggestions for how we can carry God with us, despite the many inevitable struggles of life. It says,
“’How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will” (p. 85)
I love this idea! Of course, it’s easier said than done. When I get upset, angry, or experience any strong emotion, it’s hard to keep God’s will at the forefront of my thinking. Still, if I strive to maintain an attitude of God-centered thought, I can’t go wrong.
I also love the idea that once we’ve established a spiritual connection with God, we’re able to use our will effectively. I didn’t get sober to be in constant indecision! I got sober to be a strong and independent woman. I’m always dependent upon God, though.
This idea, of God-consciousness being vital to long-term sobriety, ends the section on the tenth step. Into Actions says, “To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action” (p. 85).
There’s always more action! The book is talking about the eleventh step, which goes hand-in-hand with the tenth. Tune in next week to learn about prayer and meditation!
