by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 30, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Sobriety For Women, Stories from Women in Sobriety
Story Submitted By Katie
A Cure for Insecurity
As a child, I remember a giant hole in me that I could never seem to fill. I wanted to be anyone else but me, so when I idolized Disney princess, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen and later on Britney Spears, I thought I could try to fit in. I grew up in a chaotic house, my parents divorcing when I was 15 and having to go to therapist all of my teenage years. Alcoholism and drug addiction strong on both sides of the family but I took my first drink with my brother at 15 and it was magical.
All of my doubts, insecurities and fears subsided. It wasn’t long before I got my friends drinking on weekends, at football games and before school dances. College years were just as fun and I partied as hard as I studied. I was the girl who made sure I had more alcohol left when everyone else in the party ran out. I stole your alcohol and I didn’t care, the night didn’t end until the booze were Gone or I passed out with the spins.
A study came out that said I was a “binge drinker” so I went with that. After college shots got too messy, hard alcohol meant blackouts and I woke up to messages about things I did the night before. My friends thought it was hilarious so I brushed it off.
My Drinking Got Worse
Living on my own in Boston, my drinking got worse, more blackouts, more shameful nights and more apologizing. Bruises I couldn’t remember, cuts and falling down all the time. Then I got an OUI and ended up in the hospital with a concussion.
Even though I hated myself and thought it made me a horrible person I didn’t think much of it until my therapist told me that I should try having “one drink”. For months I couldn’t and I’d lie. I lost my phone twice, credit card too many times to recall and my dignity even more. Concussion #2 only 3 months later, on a long day/night of drinking left me without a job, without an internship and hopeless.
The Wisdom of Two Old Men
At this point I’m drinking almost every day and my therapist wants me to go to an AA meeting. A friend reaches out and takes me and I hear what I needed to hear from 2 old men in a church basement. My life is unmanageable because of alcohol and I can’t stop drinking.
It took me almost a month of meetings to finally stop drinking. Much to my surprise girls would call and check on me and they really wanted to know how I was doing. Getting sober was hell. I thought about alcohol all the time and wanted the suffering to end.
I got a sponsor, a home group, found a higher power and did the steps in 6 months.
The Obession has Been Removed
I am 8 months sober today and the mental obsession and physical compulsion is removed as long as I work my program. I thank my higher power every day that I am alive and grateful to be sober. At 28 years old I thought it was the end of the world, my identity for 13 years was stolen from me.
I am living proof it is not the end of the world. Sobriety is amazing and the 12 steps got me sober. I thought I was hopeless and would never have what other people have. That’s not true for me and it’s not for any woman out there struggling. You can do it too!! Just dive into the program and don’t stop. You will be amazed!
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 15, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Sobriety For Women, Stories from Women in Sobriety
Candace Bighead
My story begins before I was even born.
My grandparents on both my biological parent’s sides have a history of substance abuse. Both of my parents have struggled with addiction their entire lives. I have 10 biological siblings and at least 8 of those siblings struggle with addiction. My mom was and still is a chronic alcoholic and made the choice to drink while she was pregnant with me. I was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and I have birth defects including a complex heart condition and a predisposition to addiction. As a baby I was removed from my substance abusing family and put in a foster family. This family would raise me into a proper young Christian woman. I had everything I wanted; a beautiful home with loving parents, two amazing older brothers, many pets and many good friends. So what happened? How did alcohol seep into my life? First I underwent major open heart surgery. After which I was bullied about my surgery scar and recent weight gain and that shattered my confidence. Next fate decided to reintroduce my biological family into my life along with alcohol. I would eventually use alcohol to forget the trauma of getting sexually assaulted in 2011 and the suicide of my biological father in 2014. Finally let’s not forget that addiction runs in my family and that as an FAS individual I am pitted against a 70% chance of becoming an alcoholic or an addict. The odds have not been in my favor however I am the one who made the choice to drink.
When did drinking become an addiction for me?
If I’m honest I can say I was addicted from the first time I got drunk at the age of 18. I loved it, I felt free and happy. It took away any pain I had or felt both physically and emotionally. As I got older I thought I was a “responsible drinker.” I would drink up to 10 Liters of coolers in a single week to cope with the stress of work. I worked at a nightclub as a DJ on weekends and so free booze were always available. Spring and summer of 2014 found me in and out of hospitals fighting infections. I became seriously addicted to narcotic painkillers. I lied to doctors frequently in order to get prescriptions of morphine or Dilauded. By the end of 2014 I was heavily drinking again. I was no longer a “functioning alcoholic.” I was living on Employment Insurance and told not to return to work until 2015. I didn’t end up getting a part time job until April of 2015. At this time, I moved in with a friend and slowed my drinking to only drinking on the weekends. It was after I got fired from my part-time job that I started spiraling out of control. Summer of 2015 was spent drinking and drugging. I went hungry so that I could drink. I lied to and manipulated my friends and family so that I could drink. I was in debt so that I could drink. I compromised my health so that I could feed my disease. I drank because I couldn’t bear to deal with the pain and trauma that had been brought upon me. Alcohol made me free. I thought drinking every weekend to the point of blackout was a good time. Waking up the next morning still drunk or extremely hung-over meant the night before had been awesome regardless of whether or not I remembered what happened. In reality my body was reeling and suffering badly from the poison flowing through my veins. I would find myself suffering withdrawals. My body couldn’t regulate a proper temperature, so I was either freezing or over-heating. I was getting awful stomach-aches because the lining of my stomach was damaged due to alcohol.
I always thought I had control over my drinking, the alcohol made life manageable.
Manageable for me meant drinking a 26 oz. of 40% flavored vodka every day; because that was the fastest way to get alcohol into my system and then sipping a case of twisted teas to keep the buzz going for as long as possible. I had this disease and it was slowly killing me. It had me gripped so tight that on September 30, 2015 I stopped breathing. I awoke to find myself on the X-ray table at the hospital. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. I would later find out that paramedics were called to the house because I wasn’t breathing and was barely responsive. I had overdosed; I drank a 26oz of 50% vodka in about two hours plus a handful of Tylenol tablets. I woke up the next morning still drunk and in pain. My gut hurt from the activated charcoal they gave me to make me vomit and my head hurt from dehydration. The doctor warned me that I needed to be careful, and that I should probably seek help from a therapist.
What do we do now
Two days after that my foster mom came to the house to talk to me about what happened. I don’t remember much about her visit other than her asking me, “What do we do now?” We discussed a plan of action which included her contacting someone from Alcoholics Anonymous. It also involved me agreeing to stay sober for that day. I remember getting out of my mom’s car after her visit and walking into the house and seriously contemplating walking a few blocks to the off-sale and grabbing a bottle of vodka. My entire being was shaken. My mom had made me realize that my friends and family was seriously concerned about me and that I may have a drinking problem. I spent that weekend suffering awful withdrawals and crying. I decided to reach out and contact the number that had been given to me for a ride to AA. I was shaking when my ride arrived that evening. I really don’t remember much about that first meeting. I do know that I was scared of criticism and afraid that someone would recognize me. Instead I was met with smiling faces and kindness. I was welcomed in and given a newcomer’s package. Everything that was said in that meeting was meant for me. By the end of it I knew full well that I was an alcoholic.
New Hope
Sobriety has not been easy. I fought for each sober day and continue to do so. I lied to cover up my pain and I ended up hurting a lot of people. Being sober has helped me slowly rebuild some of those relationships; it has given me hope, new healthy memories and gratitude. I still have a long way to go but I know that I am loved, valued and worth being known. As of October 1, 2016 I am 1 year clean and sober.
by Sally Rosa | Nov 17, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Sobriety For Women
Women’s Addiction Recovery Meetings Are the Bomb
I don’t even know where to get started on this one. Why do I only attend women’s addiction recovery meetings? The list is so damn long I could have titled this article 3 billion reasons why I only attend women’s addiction recovery meetings. My life is so much better today because I took the main concept behind my gender specific drug rehab for women and applied them to my addiction recovery. Why fix what’s not broken right? I know a lot of women in recovery go to coed meetings and that is ok. I don’t though, and I think more women should stick to women’s addiction recovery meetings and here is why.
My Drug Rehab for Women Eliminated Distractions.
3. No Distractions.
My addiction recovery meeting and my drug rehab for women had zero men in them ever. To me, men were like a drug and there would have been no difference between having a needle filled with heroin and man sitting on the table. I was addicted to men and drugs so it is very important to me that the only things inside my addiction recovery meetings are things that will help me stay sober. Men cannot help me stay sober ever.
I Get Recovery from Drugs, Booty Calls.
2. No One Hits On Me.
The worst thing about addiction recovery meetings with dudes is that I can’t walk by myself for two seconds without some guy asking me for my phone number. Men with men and women with women. It’s one of the best and longest lasting rules of addiction recovery meetings. Without this hard and fast rule my drug rehab for women and my addiction recovery meetings would have been nothing but Tinder for drunks. With not a single person trying grind up on trunk I can focus on the steps and what is best for my addiction recovery.
Hey Larry, Wanna Talk About Periods?
1. Female issues are for females.
So here’s the deal, I’m sure many guys are in touch with their feminine side but, they have no idea what it is like to be a woman. Sometime I need to talk about the things that make my female body tick or not tick. I need to talk about how I am 30 days sober and horny as all get up. Doing that in an addiction recovery
meeting with guys present is a recipe for disaster. I might as well take out a billboard on the side of a highway that reads, “Do Me”. Maybe I need to talk about some of the horrible shameful things I have done and I need to be with women I trust? Talking about that stuff around men is super uncomfortable and something I would only do at a drug rehab for women. Plus, many women such as myself come in to addiction recovery with a history of abuse at the hands of men. Those wounds take time to heal and in many cases it takes years. So for a while, I choose to work on myself in the privacy and comfort of women. Right now, it’s just who I trust.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2016 | Blog, Sobriety For Women
Science proved that our menstrual cycle plays a role in the success of drug addiction treatment.
– From your friendly neighborhood OBGYN
As I watched my boyfriend eat cheese-its and burp during Monday night football I realized, a woman’s body is 10 times more complicated than a man’s. All men have to do is have sex. It’s really the only job the male body has to accomplish. The female body, now that’s the Einstein of nature. We give birth, we breast feed, we have periods, we go through menopause, we do it all and it’s all interconnected. I just celebrated 5 years of sobriety when I thought, I wonder if my period has anything to do with my drug addiction treatment? It turns out…
It does!
Yup, my period can even screw up drug addiction treatment.
Help with heroin addiction works best 2 weeks before your period.
-Your Friend Science
So get this, a study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania discovered a link between the ability for women to quit addictive substances and the stage of their period. My jaw hit the floor when I found out. Drug addiction treatment is actually influenced by what time my body orders the Code Red! First it ruined prom, now this! The jerk providing this news is Dr. Teresa Franklin. She says that, the best time to quit chemicals and seek drug addiction treatment is two weeks before the red dot special.
Women make impulsive decisions, like shooting heroin when they have their period.
– Dr. Bad News
OK here is the science mumbo jumbo:
“The women in the study were separated into two groups — those in their follicular phase and those in their luteal phase. Results revealed that during the follicular phase, there was reduced functional connectivity between brain regions that helps make good decisions (cortical control regions) and the brain regions that contain the reward center”
You can ready the full report here but what is says in short is that, 2 weeks before your period you are still able to make decisions that are good for you, like checking yourself into a drug addiction treatment center. If you want to get drug addiction treatment you’ll be likely to make that decision at this time. If you wait ‘til Aunt Flow drops off the jelly donuts to decided to get help with heroin addiction, you are more likely to shoot heroin or borrow a bums crack pipe, because you are no longer connected to the part of your brain that makes good choices!
It’s hard to JUST SAY NO when you have your period.
-Nancy Regan
“We believe that the hormonal influence over the cognitive control of the reward system would apply to decision-making in general.”
More bad news from Dr. Franklin, I might add her as a friend on Facebook just to block her. I’m just so mad. So many women need help with heroin addiction right now and so many would seriously be helped from attending a good drug addiction treatment center. Who is to blame yet again for getting in the way of a woman’s right to make good choices? The bloody buddy, the scarlet visitor, the crimson tide, your mother f-in period. I bet eve got her period right before she ate that apple.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 20, 2016 | Blog, Body Image / Eating Disorders
Donald Trump’s Words Could Prove Fatal To Women With An An Eating Disorder
As a woman in recovery from an eating disorder, I have been glued to CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CSPAN and all the others throughout the election. I have been waiting for one of the thousands of reporters and pundits to mention the group of women Donald Trumps comments affect the most: Women with an Eating Disorder. It still hasn’t happened. Women who suffer from Anorexia and Bulimia or any other eating disorder are the single most victimized group in this election because the effects could be instantly fatal. Images and words regarding the “appropriate” size of women are the fuel that feed the deadly fire of eating disorders in America. Donald Trump has carpet bombed the entire eating disorder recovery community with reason to keep killing themselves.
Donald Trump Called A Woman with Anorexia and Bulimia Miss Piggy
Miss. Piggy. Calling anyone Miss Piggy is offensive but calling a woman suffering from the eating disorder anorexia and bulimia is criminal. Donald Trump, (I will not refer to him as Mr. because he is not a gentleman) called former Ms. Universe Alicia Machado “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Eating Machine” after she gained weight after winning The Miss Universe pageant. The Now 39-year-old mother said that Trump’s comments stripped her of her confidence and contributed to her almost deadly battle with an eating disorder. For years Alicia Machado struggled to overcome her eating disorder.
“I had a lot of problems,” she told Good Morning America. “Anorexic, bulimic – that kind of problems.”
Donald Trump could have killed Alicia Machado. The NADA (National Eating Disorder Association) estimates that 10-15% of all Americans suffer from some type of serious eating disorder and that 6% of people with a serious eating disorder die from their disease. Stick and stones may break our bones but Donald Trump’s words could kill you. The words Donald Trump used to assault Alicia Machado weren’t even the worst part of this story. He made her work out in front of the cameras, on video! Alicia Machado suffered from a near fatal eating disorder and almost dies because of her fight with anorexia and bulimia and someone who could be the next president of The United States made her work out on national TV! That should be enough to have him arrested for attempted murder.
The Media Must Protect Women With Anorexia
I still have not seen an all out effort in the media to point of how damaging these comments are towards women with an eating disorder. The wide spread coverage have shown no eating disorder therapists, had no representation for eating disorder treatments centers and has not brought on a single woman who has suffered from diseases such as anorexia and bulimia. These are the experts that should be giving their testimony about Donald trump right now, the women he is helping to destroy, the innocent women who suffer from an eating disorder.
Internal: Eating Disorder
