by Fiona Stockard | Jan 28, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
What Do I Do If a Loved One Relapses?
Relapse is a part of recovery. It’s an unfortunate part, but a part nonetheless. It’s like the sky being blue, grass being green, or Taco Bell being the tastiest fast food. Addicts and alcoholics relapse. It’s that simple.
So, what happens when someone close to us relapses? It could be a family member, friend, roommate, significant other, sober support, or even a sponsor. What happens to us when they pick up that drink? What are our options?
This is a selfish way of looking at things, but an absolutely vital one to preserve our own sobriety! This goes double if you’re in early-sobriety when a loved one relapses.
What do we do? Find some of my (hard won) advice below. I hope it helps!
Limit Contact
This one’s kind of obvious, but limit your contact with a relapsing loved one! Now, this might be hard depending on who it is that decided to pick up a drink or drug. It’s one thing to limit contact with a friend, it’s a whole other thing to limit contact with a significant other!
If it’s at all possible, don’t spend as much time with them. See them only in social settings. Don’t hang out with them late into the night. Take these general precautions to protect your own sobriety!
These might sound harsh, but remember – it’s easier for a relapsing loved one to take us out, than it is for us to get them back into the rooms.
Don’t See Them Alone
This goes along with limiting contact. Don’t hang out with your relapsing loved one alone!
I know what you’re thinking. “But So and So loves me! He or she would never use around me. I’ll be fine!” Guess what? You’re probably right. 99% of the time you will be fine. It’s that 1% that makes seeing a relapsing loved one alone dangerous.
Remember, you’re dealing with the disease of addiction and alcoholism. It overwhelms us all. It doesn’t matter how much your loved one cares about you. If they’re drinking and drugging, all that love goes out the window. That’s just how it is.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help can take a few different forms depending on who in your life relapsed.
Let’s say it’s your significant other. Well, then seeking professional help could include going to marriage therapy, going to couples therapy, joining a support group like Al-Anon, or simply placing your loved one in treatment.
Let’s say it’s a friend that relapsed. If that’s the case, seeking professional help could take the form of attending a support group, going to more twelve-step meetings, or even planning an intervention (with an interventionist, of course!).
Let’s say it’s a family member. In this case, maybe you should attend family therapy. Whatever form it takes, don’t be afraid to turn to the professionals. After all, there’s a reason they’re called professionals!
Encourage Them!
This might also be kind of common sense, but I see it get neglected a lot! Remember, your loved one is in a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. They’re drinking, using, and engaging in harmful and selfish behavior. They could use some kind words!
So, if someone close to you starts drinking or drugging, tell them some of the things your sponsor tells you. It’ll help more than you know.
Pray For Them
And here we’ve reached the most important thing (in my humble opinion anyway!) you can do for a loved one who’s relapsing. Pray for them! It’s that simple.
Alcoholism and addiction are diseases of powerlessness. Addicts and alcoholics are powerless over drugs and booze. They’re powerless to say no. They need something more powerful than they are to help.
That’s where a God of our own understanding enters the picture. This God is much more powerful than any drug or drink.
So, say a prayer for your loved one. It’s one of the simplest, and most powerful, things we can do!
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
How Do You Tell a Child You’re Sober?
I don’t have children, so this is a hypothetical question for me. For many women (hell, for many men!) in recovery, it’s a very real question. How do you explain to your kids that mommy or daddy is a recovering alcoholic?
I’ve been in meetings where there are young children present. This rocks for two reasons. First, they’re kids and they’re so cute! Second, it shows a huge level of dedication to sobriety. Think about it – the child’s parents are so committed to staying sober that they’re willing to bring their child to a meeting. My metaphorical hat is off!
I always wonder, though, what the child thinks. Do they understand the seriousness of what’s going on? Can they pick up on the life or death struggle that alcoholics deal with? Do they think mommy and daddy’s friends are a bunch of tattooed weirdos?
So, with that in mind, I’ve gathered some of my thoughts about explaining addiction and recovery to children. They may be wonderful, awesome, one-of-a-kind thoughts. They may stink. I’m not sure! Like I said, I’m not a parent.
It’s my hope that the following can help someone struggling with the frightening question of how to best tell their kid that they’re a sober woman of grace and dignity!
Be Open & Honest From a Young Age
Children are smart! They pick up on then we give them credit for. If you bring your kids to meetings, or even if you used to drink around them, I’m sure they’ve figured out that something’s up.
So, lay it all on the table. Tell them that you used to drink or drug and no longer do. Don’t go into your war stories, or share details that are inappropriate, but be open and honest.
I’m speaking from personal experience. I have an aunt who’s sober. While being an aunt is different from being a parent, the same principles apply. When I started to get into trouble with drugs and booze, she sat me down and explained her past struggles.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back I appreciate her reaching out so much!
Have Your Sober Supports in Their Life
Did someone say free babysitting? I kid, I kid!
All jokes aside, introduce your sponsor to your children. After all, she’s the woman who taught you how to live. She’s the woman who gave you the chance to be a responsible parent. I’m sure your kids will adore her!
Sober supports, sponsor or otherwise, are the lifeblood of recovery. They’re the reason we’re sane members of society! At least, they are for me! Remember what I said about children picking up on things? I’m willing to bet they’ll pick up on your sober supports’ serenity and peace.
When the day comes that I have kids, I can’t think of a woman I want them to meet more than my sponsor!
Let Them Read the Big Book When They’re Old Enough
Although there are sections of the Big Book that aren’t suitable for children, most of it is a great lesson in how to be selfless, patient, giving, and responsible. What more could a child ask for? Well…probably some video games!
Really, though, Bill, Dr. Bob, and the first one hundred managed to write an amazing manual on how to live the type of life everyone wants. They managed to write about how to be happy, joyous, and free.
That seems like the kind of lesson to pass on to a child!
Include Them in Your Prayer & Meditation
This is, for me anyway, the most important part about telling a child you’re in recovery. Although sober supports are the lifeblood of sobriety, prayer and meditation are sobriety itself.
What better way to expose a kid to what recovery is really about then involving them in your prayer life? They’ll learn that, no matter what, they can turn to a Higher Power for help.
In today’s tumultuous world, that seems like a priceless gift.
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 12, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
Ten Strange Sober Life Hacks
Go to meetings, don’t pick up a drink, stay away from bars, and call somebody when you feel like drinking. Yes, those are the obvious things you can do to keep yourself standing up straight, away from a drink, and out of jail.
Everyone knows those, but not everybody knows the lesser-known tricks of the sober game.
There are some simple, weird, and crazy things that, if performed each day, will help reprogram your brain and set you on a path of health, happiness, and respect.
Before we get started – a quick shout out to the haters. These are to be used in conjunction with a twelve-step program. So, now that the disclaimer has been stated, I present to you:
Ten weird things you can do to stay sober!
10) Take the Long Way to Work
Here you are, one day sober and driving to work. You’re passing the bar you drank at before work, the bar you drank at during lunch, and the bar you went to after you skipped out of work a half hour early.
You’re used to this path, even if the bars don’t dot the hillside. You know this path. Today, your first day sober, is about doing things you don’t know how to do. So, take the long way to work. See new things. Change your path and you’ll change your brain.
9) Flick Your Forehead
Feel like a drink? Flick your forehead.
Thinking about snagging some pills? Flick your forehead.
Want to call your ex and tell her he ruined your whole life? Flick your forehead.
This simple little trick will train your confused and addiction-riddled brain to associate thoughts of bad behavior with pain. This practice will start to tear down the idea that it feels good to drink, use, and yell at people.
8) Sing Very Loud
If you can’t sing well, sing loud. If you can sing well, sing even louder!
What the hell, crank up some Kelly Clarkson and let the world know that “you can breath for the first time!” You’re not drinking anymore, so you’re “So, moving on.”
Singing will make you happy. It releases endorphins. It trains your body to recognize your behaviors with bringing joy. Music changes our thought patterns quicker than most other form of therapy. The more music you associate with your newfound happy, skippy, sober life, the better.
7) Dance Before You Get in the Shower
Get that blood pumping! Get that smile working! Take a minute just for yourself to be free, silly, happy, and alone.
We drunks and druggies associate being alone with bad things, but this isn’t always true. Being alone and dancing can twist your brain away from the idea that when your alone, you’re unloved and sad. Dancing alone each day will let you know that being alone is safe, healthy, and fun!
6) Replace Every Swear Word You Say With the Word Love
Don’t be so negative all the time. Yes, people act like jerks when driving, but as soon as you flip them off or drop an f-bomb, you start to feel guilty.
So, that bass-thumping, window-tinted, rap-blaring, big-rimed Toyota Corolla that sounds like the engine is going to explode, driven by a one hundred and thirty pound Eminem look alike, cuts you off…what do you do?
Instead of yelling, “I’m going to kill you,” say “I’M GOING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!”
Don’t say, “Go f-yourself,” say “GO LOVE YOURSELF!”
You can even get creative with it. Try something like this, “YOU CUT ME OFF BUT THAT IS OK I DON’T REALLY MIND I STILL LOVE YOU JUST FOR BEING YOU!”
Do you mean any of these nice things? Absolutely not. But after you say it, you’ll feel good and start to believe it.
5) Eat Dessert for Breakfast and Eat Breakfast for Dinner
Again, change the way you do things. So what, your body has been through a war already. Ice cream for breakfast won’t kill you. Bacon for dinner? Do it! Just do things different and have fun with it!
This will make all the other new things you do seem fun too. Hell, you could even invite friends over for a morning piece of cake and coffee. Think how great you’ll feel heading to work!
4) Write a Nice Poem about Someone You Hate
Okay, I hate Carly.
So, a good way to not hate her is to kill her…but that’s wrong in the eyes of God, and everyone, and I’ll go to jail. I’ll write a poem about her instead!
Make a list of all the things that Carly has going on and focus your poem on only those wonderful qualities. But Carly hasn’t one single good thing going on? Guess what? You’re wrong! Everyone has at least three positive things to focus on, I promise you.
3) Tell a Joke to the Cashier at Wal-Mart
Do you know how bad it must be to work at Wal-Mart? So, try and make someone else’s life better, if only for a few seconds.
Think of a joke and tell the cashier. If they don’t laugh or smile, so what? You tried and they’ll be glad that someone tried to make their day better.
2) Buy a Random Person a Lottery Ticket
Do it for no reason other than doing it. Yes, they could win a billion dollars. Yes, you won’t. It doesn’t matter.
Doing random awesome things for people is the best way to get outside yourself and make others feel good. You never know what’s going on in the life of a stranger. You never know what a simple one-dollar gesture will do.
Win or lose it will be the best $1 you ever spent.
1) Scream
Alone, outside, just do it. One long and angry scream. Then, move on with your day because things are starting to look pretty good. Soon there will be nothing to yell about!
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 7, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Vitamins Help in Early-Sobriety!
Getting sober is tough! If it were easy, everyone would do it! The reality of getting sober is that it’s a scary, overwhelming, and often painful process. Being forced to sober up after years (or decades!) of drinking and drugging isn’t fun.
Fortunately there are some things us drunks and addicts can do to improve our early-sobriety experience. These are things like eating healthy, seeking outside help to deal with unexpected emotions, and taking vitamins.
Today, I’m going to focus on the benefits of taking vitamins in early-recovery. After all, anything that we, as newly sober women, can do to feel better and help our bodies return to health is key!
Find a list of common vitamins and how they can help during early-sobriety below!
Multivitamins
A once daily multivitamin is the easiest and most common type of vitamin to take during early-recovery. It packs in it all kinds of vitamins and minerals our bodies desperately need after an extended period of drug and alcohol abuse.
Most multivitamins contain a mix of, well, multiple vitamins! These may include: vitamin C, a whole host of B vitamins, and vitamins H, A, E, D, and K. They also commonly include potassium iodide, zinc, calcium, magnesium, manganese, and iron.
Thiamin
Thiamin is also known as vitamin B1. It plays a huge role in boosting immune and mental health. It also gives energy and focus, like most B vitamins, and helps to reduce stress.
Thiamin helps our bodies process carbohydrates. When we’re in active alcoholism, we don’t get a ton of carbs. We’re mainly surviving off sugar from booze. I was anyway!
So, in early-sobriety, taking thiamin regularly can help restore our liver to health quicker than it would be otherwise. Thiamin can also make this freighting and stressful period a bit more manageable!
B-Complex Vitamins
B-complex vitamins are all about energy! Do you find yourself dragging in early-sobriety? Are you tired after years of getting drunk? Fear not, simply take a B-complex!
B-complex vitamins typically include: thiamin (B1), riboflavin (B2), niacin (B3), biotin, folic acid, B12, and vitamins C and E.
The health benefits of B-complex vitamins are nearly endless. They help to produce healthy new blood cells, protect against free radicals, prevent heart disease, boost good cholesterol (HDL), prevent acne, boost reproductive hormones, regulate sleep and mood, promote hair, nail, and skin health, prevent memory loss, and even boost other vitamins (for example, B12 helps B9 which then helps iron carry oxygen to other cells).
Whew, that’s a lot of good stuff! It’s important to note that taking a B-complex isn’t guaranteed to make all the above happen. Rather, B-complex vitamins promote general health throughout the body.
It’s plain to see there are a lot of reasons to take B-complex vitamins!
Niacin & Glutamine
You know those extreme alcohol cravings we sometimes get in early-recovery? Well, one of their causes is low blood sugar. Our bodies adjust to taking in hundreds, even thousands, of calories of sugar from booze. Once we stop drinking, our bodies don’t know what to do without this sugar!
Niacin (also known as B3, see above for some more B vitamin benefits!) helps to regulate blood sugar levels. Glutamine is an essential amino acid that also helps regulate blood sugar.
Having an early-sobriety craving? Well, first call your sponsor, sober supports, and pray. Then pop a B3 vitamin and a glutamine tablet. Chances are your craving will subside in a matter of minutes!
Vitamin C
And here we come to the granddaddy of all vitamins, vitamin C. Vitamin C is an antioxidant that promotes general body and brain health. It’s also been shown to help ease the physical withdrawal symptoms associated with opiates, alcohol, and benzo’s.
Vitamin C helps to restore hair, skin, and organs to health. In addition to all the above, vitamin C may also help the body fight immune system deficiencies (from the mild, like a cold, to the drastic, like Hep C and HIV), ease symptoms associated with cardiovascular disease and eye disease, and even prevent skin from wrinkling as quickly.
Mark Moyad, a doctor from the University of Michigan, had the following to say about vitamin C:
“Higher blood levels of vitamin C may be the ideal nutrition marker for overall health” (WebMD).
What’s Your Point?
That’s a great question, dear readers! Vitamins are extremely beneficial and important to take. Am I going to ask you to finish your broccoli next? Well, broccoli does offer some interesting health benefits…
All jokes aside, taking vitamins in early-sobriety is important for the simple fact that they help. I destroyed my body for years with drugs and booze. Even after getting sober, I still ate unhealthy foods and didn’t take good care of myself.
So, when I finally woke up and realized the substantial benefits that taking a few vitamins each morning offered, I jumped right on the train. Why is it important to take vitamins during early-sobriety? Try it out and let me know how much better you feel! You’ll have answered your own question!
by Sally Rosa | Dec 31, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Sobriety is the Best Gift
Okay, that’s kind of corny, right? Wrong! Sobriety really is the best gift! It’s the best gift you can give yourself. It’s the best gift you can give your family and loved ones. It’s the best gift you can give to coworkers. It’s even the best gift you can give to strangers. After all, they’re probably sick of dealing with a hungover and miserable woman!
All jokes aside, sobriety is a one-of-a-kind blessing. It’s the foundation upon which we can build the rest of our life. It’s a way to grow as women and give back to those that have helped us time and time again.
This last point, giving back, is huge. I’m going to tell you all about my first sober holiday experience. It should come as no surprise that giving back, being of service in all areas of my life, kept me sober during this time.
My First Sober Thanksgiving
I got sober in April 2008. I was living in a halfway house in Delray Beach, FL and my parents were a million miles away. Well, they were really only a thousand miles away, but it seemed like a million!
I skipped Thanksgiving that year. Even at around six months sober, I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with my entire family. I couldn’t wait to see my parents and brother, but aunts, uncles, and cousins? Thanks but no thanks!
So, my mom, dad, and brother came to Florida. We had Thanksgiving at a local restaurant and then walked along the beach. We talked about what we were thankful for. Of course, my sobriety was number one on everyone’s list!
That was my first sober Thanksgiving. It was pretty awesome and gave me some of the confidence I needed to tackle my first sober Christmas!
My First Sober Christmas
This time, I couldn’t stay in Florida. While I’d missed Christmas the previous year, thanks to being in treatment, this time my family wasn’t having it. They wanted to see me and I knew I needed to be there.
In preparation for my trip back home, I buckled down. I hit my knees more than ever. I finished my steps and started reaching out to newcomers. I got a sponsee and began to take her through the twelve-steps. I made sure to research meetings in New York and reached out to the local Intergroup office.
When it was time to fly up, I did. The next week was a whirlwind of seeing family members I hadn’t seen in years. Most of the time, seeing them was great! Sometimes, it wasn’t. I have uncles and cousins who love to drink and smoke weed. They didn’t do anything around me, but it was plain to see they were messed up.
What did I do? Did I join them in the backyard for a quick joint? Did I join them at the kitchen island for wine? Nope, I prayed for them! They may or may not be addicts and alcoholics. I don’t know and it’s not my place to know. It is my place to be of service to everyone, though.
So, I prayed and asked God how I could help those around me. I went to a meeting every morning. I raised my hand and shared at each meeting. I reached out to other alcoholics who were having a hard time during the holidays. In turn, God had my back. She kept me safe and protected. The thought of drinking never even crossed my mind!
And that, my friends, is one hell of a miracle!
