by Sally Rosa | Dec 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Alcoholics Anonymous: The Early Days
Alcoholics Anonymous began on the first day of Dr. Bob’s sobriety – June 10th, 1935.
Several years later, 1939 to be exact, the book Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism was published. This volume has come to be affectionately called the Big Book.
In the almost eighty years since A.A.’s founding, it’s helped millions of people recover and spawned countless other fellowships. Today, a woman trying to get sober has her pick of fellowships, meetings, and sponsors. It wasn’t always like that.
I’m not so sure the explosive growth of twelve-step based recovery is such a good thing. Let me be clear, I’m beyond grateful for this program. When I think of all the lives A.A., and other twelve-step fellowships, have touched, my mind boggles.
Still, a lot has changed since Bill and Dr. Bob set out to help other alcoholics. Sponsorship, and in a larger sense recovery, isn’t treated the same.
Success Rates from the Early Days
The second edition of the Big Book contains a forward. Published in 1955, it reads “Of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement” (The Big Book, page XX).
50%, or 75% depending on how you look at it, isn’t too shabby! Imagine if half to three quarters of those walking through the doors of AA today got sober!
So, why’d rates of recovery drop from those lofty numbers to today’s approximate 1%? More importantly, how do we get back to these astounding numbers of recovery?
Well, it could have something to do with sponsorship.
Sponsorship from the Early Days
“Though three hundred thousand have recovered in the last twenty-five years, maybe half a million more have walked into our midst, and then out again. We can’t well content ourselves with the view that all these recovery failures were entirely the fault of the newcomers themselves. Perhaps a great many didn’t receive the kind and amount of sponsorship they so sorely needed. We didn’t communicate when we might have done so. So we AA’s failed them.”
–Bill W., excerpted from a 1961 volume of the Grapevine
During the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s, a different type of sponsorship was practiced. First, there was co-sponsorship. Before we get into that, though, let’s discuss God centered sponsorship.
God Centered Sponsorship
This is the idea that rather than running to your sponsor with any and all problems, you take them to God.
Remember, nowhere in the Big Book does it say we should rely too much on our sponsor. In fact, nowhere in the Big Book does it mention a sponsor at all. This idea will be explored in detail later.
Anyway, God centered sponsorship is simple. We pick a sponsor, a woman who’s been through all twelve of the steps. We work through them with her. Then, instead of besieging her every time something bad happens, we pray and meditate over it.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s vitally important to communicate with your sponsor. Hell, I call mine four or five times a week. Still, I don’t bring my problems to her (unless, of course, it’s a problem she’s had personal experience with).
I bring my problems to God. I pray to God, letting her (yep, my God is a woman!) know what’s going on. Then I meditate, listening for an answer. Often, God speaks to me through other women. For example, if I have a problem with money, I’m going to call my friends who’re good with money. That’s God speaking to me.
Want to know something funny? Often, after meditating on a problem or issue, I’ll call my sponsor about it. That’s another perfect example of God speaking to me through other women.
I think it’s important here to point out the difference between practicing God centered sponsorship and simply being lazy. Being lazy is not working steps, not communicating with your sponsor, and not living life on spiritual principals. God centered sponsorship is working steps and then communicating with your sponsor as needed rather than 1,000 times each day.
Co-Sponsorship
If God centered sponsorship sounds radical (and I hope it doesn’t!) then co-sponsorship is going to sound crazy! This is the idea that the sponsor should take her current sponsee with her to meet other newcomers.
Okay, that sounds kind of confusing, right? I had to read it twice and I’m still not sure what I wrote. Thankfully, Clarence S., an old-timer, had a much simpler explanation. He wrote,
“Additional information for sponsoring a new [wo]man can be obtained from the experience of older [wo]men in the work. A co-sponsor, with an experienced and newer member working on a prospect, has proven very satisfactory. Before undertaking the responsibility of sponsoring, a member should make certain that [s]he is able and prepared to give the time, effort, and thought such an obligation entails. It might be that [s]he will want to select a co-sponsor to share the responsibility, or [s]he might feel it necessary to ask another to assume the responsibility for the [wo]man he has located.”
–Clarence S., excerpted from a 1944 pamphlet on sponsorship
Leaving out the use of male pronouns (seriously, were no women getting sober back then?!), that makes a lot of sense. I cringe when I think of how I sponsored my first newcomer. I didn’t send her to God at all!
If my sponsor had been there, guiding us both, maybe things would have turned out differently. Or maybe not, who knows? God works in mysterious ways, my friends!
Could These Techniques Lead to More Women Recovering?
Ultimately, I don’t know! I think there are a lot of benefits to things like God centered sponsorship and co-sponsorship.
I think there are also other beneficial tactics women with time can take to help newcomers. For example, why make a sponsee call us? Shouldn’t we be calling them? Isn’t that how Bill found Dr. Bob in the first place?
So, will this sort of proactive, in-depth sponsorship help newcomers? There’s only one way to find out! I’ll see you out there in the trenches, ladies!
by Sally Rosa | Nov 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
As Ebola Panic Dies Down, Let’s Talk about Addiction
A number of new polls show that Americans are less worried about an Ebola outbreak than they were last week! Three cheers for doctors and first-world medical care!
According to Bloomburg Politics, 69% of Americans were “somewhat or very concerned” about Ebola in early October. As of October 29th, that number dropped to 61%.
Also, according to Fox News, a mere 59% of Americans believe Ebola will spread throughout the country. Again, three cheers for medicine!
What does Ebola have to do with Sobriety For Women? I’m asking myself the same question. Well, according to a controversial Huffington Post article, we should be talking about the addiction epidemic, not the Ebola epidemic.
The Real Cost of Addiction
According to Huffington Post, and more importantly the C.D.C., the scope of addiction is staggering. Really, some of these numbers are unbelievable.
Consider the following facts and statistics:
- In 2012, overdoses were the leading cause of death injury. In fact, overdoses killed more people in the twenty-five to sixty-four age bracket than car accidents.
- In 2012 alone, 41,502 people died after overdosing. Over half of these deaths were due to pharmaceutical overdoses (oxycodone, Vicodin, Xanax, etc.).
- There’s been a 117% increase in overdose deaths from 1999 to 2012.
Okay, those are some alarming numbers! More important than shocking numbers, though, is the human cost of addiction.
What if it was YOUR Loved One?
That’s a scary question. I don’t particularly want to think about what my family would have gone through if I’d died as a result of my overdoses.
It’s important to ask though. It’s questions like “what if my sister overdosed and died?” and “what if my daughter overdosed and died?”, that are going to change the conversation about addiction. Remember, we can all change! We can also all change the conversation!
Right now, the public generally views addiction as an unpleasant and misunderstood disease. That last part’s important– a misunderstood disease. While addiction is undoubtedly a disease, this way of thinking tends to dehumanize its victims.
Women in Recovery are More Than Statistics
By adding a personal touch to addiction stories, by adding a face and a smile, the public won’t be able to dehumanize addiction any longer.
Women in recovery aren’t merely statistics. We’re not numbers to be spewed out like an afterschool special. We’re people! We’re daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, friends, girlfriends, wives, and so much more! We’re spiritual warriors fighting each day to make the world better!
We’re the human face of addiction. Reminding the world that we’re sober addicts and alcoholics (and so much more!) is what’s going to make the addiction dialogue shift.
Our lives and our stories are going to change the conversation from the Ebola epidemic, to the addiction epidemic, to the blessings of recovery!
by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
The Article Heard Round the World: Amanda Bynes and Mental Illness
Last week, a young writer name Sam Dylan Finch shed a very human perspective on Amanda Bynes and her ongoing struggles with mental illness.
The essay was, simply put, breathtaking. Since being published, it’s gone very viral. Sam explores how we as a culture view, and react to, celebrities with mental illness. Perhaps the best point made is the discrepancy between how we reacted to the death of Robin Williams and how we’re currently treating Amanda Bynes.
Laughter & Mental Illness: A Not So Subtle Hint to Treat Amanda Bynes with Compassion
We treat those with mental illness, and addiction, very differently when they’re alive and when they’re dead. For that matter, we treat average women suffering from mental illness, or addiction, very different from a suffering celebrity.
Why is this? Why do we place celebrities on a pedestal, while also tearing them down? Why do we view Amanda Bynes as the punch line of a joke and Robin Williams as a tragic reminder of our humanity? Why do we treat celebrity mental illness as entertainment instead of a deadly sickness?
Oh dear readers, I wish I knew! I don’t have an easy answer. I don’t think there is an easy answer. I think we’re human and messy and contradictory. I think we like to idolize celebrities and believe fame is possible, only to tear them down and make ourselves feel better.
For that matter, I think we treat celebrity mental illness differently than “normal” mental illness because celebrities seem untouchable. None of us really know what Amanda Bynes is going through. Hell, we don’t even know if she is mentally ill. While it’s clear something serious and tragic is happening in her life, she has yet to confirm any diagnosis.
So, assuming Amanda does suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar, or any form of mental illness, we still don’t understand her struggle (even those of us who have these same mental illnesses!). Maybe we treat celebrity mental illness differently because, surprise, it is different.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should mock Amanda Bynes. I hate that she’s the butt of jokes. I hate that I’ve made these jokes. I hate that watching her Twitter is akin to watching TV for some people. Still, her experience with mental illness is very different than mine. Her experience with mental illness is very different than yours. Her experience with mental illness is just that, her experience.
Are We Bad People for Laughing? A Critical Look at Our Reactions to Mental Illness & Death
Sam’s essay made me question my reaction to Amanda Bynes and her public unraveling. It also made me question my reaction to the death of Robin Williams.
When Robin Williams took his life, as a direct result of mental illness, I mourned. I wasn’t alone. Our entire nation mourned. We celebrated too. We celebrated the life, career, and personality of a wonderful man. We celebrated the legacy of a one-of-a-kind comedian and social critic.
Why is it that in death, be it from mental illness or addiction, we mourn the sufferer? Why is it that we wait until they’re gone to celebrate their achievements? Why don’t we try to help while they’re alive?
Again, I wish I knew! I can’t come up with a single reason I haven’t tried to help Amanda Bynes (in whatever small and tiny way I can). I can’t come up with a single reason I don’t have the same compassion for her that I have for a woman who walks into a meeting.
Why is that? Why do we laugh rather than help? Why do we mourn afterwards, instead of offering help during?
Let’s start the conversation with those questions. If we keep asking ourselves why, sooner or later we’re going to have to answer. If we keep the fact that Amanda Bynes is sick, rather than simply crazy, at the forefront of our minds, maybe we’ll show her the same compassion we show each other.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Zelda Williams, Robin Williams Daughter, Reveals Her New Ink
Without giving in to hyperbole, it’s safe to say that Robin Williams death shocked the nation. We lost an actor, comedian, and social critic with few peers.
In the wake of his passing, a conversation was sparked about mental illness, depression, and effective mental health treatment. That’s been the silver lining – a renewed and honest look at how we can help those suffering from mental illness.
Robin Williams daughter Zelda is keeping the conversation going. She recently revealed, via Instagram, a touching memorial to her father. It’s a tattoo of a hummingbird with Robin’s birthday underneath.
Hummingbirds have a unique appeal to the Williams family. They can be seen throughout almost all of Robin Williams movies. His memorial service also featured wristbands with hummingbirds on them.
Thank you for reminding us about your father, Zelda. More importantly, thank you for continuing the conversation your father starter. We can all change!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
My Name is Fiona and I’m an Addict
It took me far too long to say those words. It took me even longer to mean them. My road to recovery from substance abuse began the first time I made myself vomit. See, before I could imagine getting better, I had to get worse.
Growing up, I always felt like the weirdo, the odd-woman out (turns out most addicts felt this way!). I was overweight and had low self-esteem. I suffered from anxiety and depression. In turn, I felt like a piece of crap everyday.
My Story
At eleven years old, I made myself throw up and instantly felt better. That’s kind of sick, right?
I didn’t lose tons of weight. I didn’t become suddenly popular. The boy I had a crush on didn’t ask me out. What did happen was that I gained control. On some tiny level, I finally had control over my body, over my mind.
Fast-forward a couple of years, I found out pills worked better than vomiting. Fast-forward a couple of years from that, I found out heroin worked better than pills. Oh, and guess what? Cocaine and heroin worked best.
By seventeen years old (before I was even legally an adult!), I was one hot mess. I was addicted to multiple drugs, living on the street, and alienated from my family. I was more addiction than person. Luckily, my mom just wouldn’t give up on me. She got me a plane ticket and a bed in one of south Florida’s most prominent treatment centers.
That wasn’t happily ever after though. Though treatment was an amazing experience, I relapsed afterward. Life was hell for another year. Eventually, I went to another treatment center and got better. Turns out all I had to do was change everything. Though this sounds hard, it was so much easier than the alternative.
If my story sounds like a bad afterschool special, that’s because it is. I was a statistic. I was the story you told your kids to scare them. Today, well today, I’m much different. I’m writing this, exposing myself, in the hopes that other women might not have to go through all I did.
What I Needed WASN’T What I Wanted
I’ve been around the block when it comes to rehab. I’ve been admitted twice to in-patient, residential programs, and been to more intensive outpatients (IOPs) than I can count. I knew the system. More accurately, I knew how to beat the system.
It wasn’t until multiple therapists, doctors, and addiction professionals had called me on my s**t, that I began to heal. To put it another way, what I needed wasn’t what I wanted.
What I needed was an all women’s rehab, therapists who examined ALL aspects of my life, supportive peers, and aftercare. In my IOP experiences, I received none of the above. IOP works great for a lot of people, I can’t stress that enough. But for this broken woman (for this broken GIRL really), IOP didn’t even allow me to cut down my use.
My first time in residential treatment, I had two of the four. I was in a women’s treatment center and had great peers. What I didn’t receive was comprehensive clinical care, or any aftercare.
My second time in residential treatment, I had four out of four. I was surrounded by incredibly warm and supportive women, the entire treatment team kicked my metaphorical ass, then built me carefully back up, and the rehab looked after me upon discharge. Guess what? As a result of all that, I began to change. I was given hope and I wasn’t trading that hope for all the drugs in the world.
Recovery is For People Who…
Addiction treatment is a vital and necessary part of recovery, but ultimately it’s only the start of a lifelong process. Treatment offers a ton of crucial services (like those I mentioned above), a place to be physically separated from drugs, guidance, and hope. What treatment doesn’t offer is the desire to get better. That has to come from within.
Remember, I drank and used after my first visit to residential treatment. This was largely due to not being provided the safe environment rehab should be, but also because I wasn’t ready to change.
To put it a much simpler way, a woman needs the desire to heal more than ANYHTING ELSE. What women in sobriety need is a fire within their chests, a voice that won’t stop repeating, “you can do better, you can get better, you ARE better!”
