by Sally Rosa | Oct 13, 2014 | Drug Addiction
By: Tim Myers
Recognizing One of Your Own
If you wanted to know if your classmate was gay, you’d ask the opinion of your gay friends. If you wanted to know if your cousin was a tiger, you wouldn’t ask a monkey. You’d ask another tiger. If you’re wondering if you’re hot enough to be a stripper, you wouldn’t ask your priest. You’d ask another stripper. So, if you’re wondering if your co-worker is an alcoholic, just ask another alcoholic.
Only a tiger knows what it’s like to look, walk, stalk, and smell like a tiger. Only a striper can let you know if you really have what it takes to be a stripper. If you’re trying to figure out if your classmate is gay (why do you even care?), you’ll only get an unbiased and non-judgmental opinion from one of your gay friends.
Now, assuming all the above is true, and lets just say it is – than I’m the perfect person to tell you the top five signs that your co-worker is an alcoholic. Guess why? Because, yep, I’m an alcoholic.
5) They’re Late to Work 90% of the Time
I can count on one finger how often I was on time for work when I was drinking. It almost never happened.
Ten alarms were set, but I never woke up. I put my work uniform on before I went to bed. It didn’t matter. I even slept in my car, in my work uniform, parked outside the front door of my work, and I still punched in late!
That lack of care for anything other than alcohol did it. Drinking and nursing a hangover were the only things I cared about. Since they weren’t selling alcohol in the footwear section, I didn’t give two s**ts about being on time.
4) They Always Look Like They Just Got Out of Bed
Alcoholics always looks like they’re just getting out of bed because they are always just getting out of bed! Or they’re getting off the sidewalk or out of jail.
Even when I didn’t have to be to work ‘till three in the afternoon, I still managed to sleep until 2:45. “This is great! I’ll sleep until 11, go for a jog, read a little, eat a healthy lunch, and go to work.” The alcoholic never does that. I’d always plan to, but at one in the morning that hooker on the corner, and that twenty-four hour Taco Bell, look like heaven on earth.
3) Their Car is Dented All Over
Normal people hit a pole, stop the car, and get it fixed soon after. Alcoholics hit a pole, back up, turn, hit the pole again, back up, go a block, hit another poles, smoke a cigarette and sleep until morning.
Do we get the car fixed? Nope! I’ve only got twelve dollars ‘till next Friday…that gallon of vodka costs five bucks and cigarettes cost six and my dog needs food.
2) They Call Out of Work and Claim Their Grandma Died
I feel like I need some sort of counseling or something, do you know how hard it is to give the eulogy at all fifteen of your grandmothers’ funerals? I mean, I know I should just be thankful that I’m the only kid in the history of the world who got to enjoy fifteen different grandmothers, but man! Saying goodbye to Dorothy, Sofia, Blanche, Rose, Anne, Roseanne, AnnRose, Martha 1 and 2, Dotty, Fran, Bella, Anna, Annabelle, and Dot is hard!
If your co-worker’s grandma dies and your co-worker doesn’t come in to work the next day – they’re an alcoholic and their Grandma is just fine.
1) They Always Smell Like Alcohol
That’s just what we smell like.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 8, 2014 | Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Addiction is a Family Disease…So What?
First, let me say that my brother isn’t a junkie! He’s a great guy with absolutely no substance abuse problems. It was just a catchy title, I swear!
It’s 2014. By now, we all believe and accept that addiction is a disease. More than that, we believe and accept that addiction is a family disease. That means it’s partially genetic in nature and can be passed down through generations of a family. No shockers there. None of that’s a revelation.
What I want to talk about is a little different. I want to talk about are the dynamics of being sober and having family members in active addiction.
Now, I’m the oddball out in my nuclear family. Neither my mom, dad, or brother are addicts or alcoholics. My parents don’t even like to drink. My brother’s a social drinker. If he’s at a party, he’ll have a couple of beers.
However, I do have uncles and cousins who’re active alcoholics. I’ll tell you a little bit about how I’ve dealt with them in my sobriety.
My Experience with Family Members in Active Alcoholism
I come from a large family with a ton of extended relatives. Of these, several of my uncles and cousins are alcoholics. That’s my take, anyway. I have one uncle who, in his forties, still lives with his dad. I have another who, despite being a successful banker, drinks everyday.
As for my cousins, oh man, they’re wrecks. I have two guy cousins who can’t stop getting into trouble. I have a girl cousin with severe anxiety issues who medicates with weed.
My Uncles
My family gets together for every major holiday. That’s mostly where I see my uncles. Being honest here, I haven’t seen either of them drunk or high more than once or twice. Yeah, they’ll drink, and occasionally smoke a joint in the backyard, but they rarely get really loaded.
That isn’t to say they aren’t drinking. They literally always have a beer in their hands. The second they finish that beer, they get another. They’re not shotgunning beers and getting rowdy, but they’re never without alcohol.
My Cousins
When I was younger, I’d get drunk and high with my cousins. My guy cousins love to smoke weed. They’re about the same age as me, so when I was younger, we’d smoke before school. Then during the day, we’d sneak out to smoke more. Basically, we were always blazing. My girl cousin is a bit younger, so we never used together.
Things are different with my cousins than they are with my uncles. I have a history of getting loaded with them. Today, it’s strange to see them at family gatherings. They’re all over twenty-one, so drinking at these gatherings is accepted.
Much like my uncles, my cousins are rarely without a drink in their hands. However, unlike my uncles, they’re actively getting as drunk and high as possible. My guy cousins will smoke weed in the backyard constantly. My girl cousin grew up to love weed, so she’s out there with them. By the end of the night, someone has to drive them home because they’re far, far gone.
Dealing with Family in Active Addiction
It’s important to note, seeing family members use and drink isn’t triggering at all. It definitely is uncomfortable to see them behave in stupid ways, but it isn’t triggering.
But Fiona, you may be asking, why doesn’t it trigger you? Well, dear reader, it isn’t triggering because I’m spiritually fit. See, the Big Book tells us that if we’re spiritually fit drugs and alcohol won’t bother us. To quote a wonderful passage –
“We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p 85).
Once I get in contact with a God of my own understanding, I don’t have to worry about being triggered. I don’t have to worry about alcohol and drugs making me uncomfortable. I do have to worry about keeping in fit spiritual condition.
Staying spiritually fit’s accomplished by helping others, taking a daily inventory, making amends when needed, praying, meditating, and staying honest. So, as long as I do those things, I don’t have to worry about my cousins and uncles drinking and drugging. I pray for them, but I don’t have to be bothered by their use.
It’s that simple! There’s no trick or life hack that makes us okay with others drinking and drugging. Nope, it accomplished through old-fashioned hard work!
by A Women in Sobriety | Jun 16, 2013 | Benefits of Sobriety
I Won’t Love You to Death!
Sobriety is a life changing experience no matter where you are. Still, you’re told to get as many sober supports as you can. They help you deal with the emotional up’s and down’s that occur in early sobriety. So, when I found myself states away from my family, I questioned if I would make it. If I did make it, I questioned how our relationship would be affected. My relationship with my family was affected, but in a way I NEVER could have imagined!
Before I made the decision to get sober, I was with my family daily. They’ve always been supportive of me, even through the tornado of my active alcoholism. I knew they were always there for me, but I wasn’t capable of being there for them. My alcoholism hindered my ability to be a daughter and a sister. I wasn’t able to support my father when his brother, my uncle and godfather, passed away. I wasn’t able to support my father while he battled cancer. I wasn’t there for my mother through the death of her mother. I have more examples of selfishness than fingers on my hands.
Probably the scariest part is that I truly believed I was supporting my family through all these events. In sobriety, I learned that simply being physically present isn’t enough. Alcoholism blinded me from the pain I caused others. Pain through my actions and inactions. Pain through my constant screw ups. When I finally hit enough pain in my own life, I agreed to make a change and seek help. This decision wasn’t easy. My parents say me down and my mother said the words that changed my life forever. I won’t love you to death. This was the first time I realized how my actions affect other people.
Getting Better Far Away
I moved many states away from my family, to go to treatment, and now live thousands of miles away. This change was the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I wanted my family to be there and support me, just like they always did. I went through so much it seemed like a phone call was never enough.
I missed major events in their lives! My sister gave birth to two children. I missed birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, deaths, and the small, daily struggles my family went through. Here’s the thing, even though I wasn’t there for any of these major events, I was present. I was supportive. For the first time, I helped my family.
Today, through maintaining physical and emotional sobriety, I’m able to be the daughter and sister my family deserves. I can have actual conversations with my family. I can give back the support they’ve shown me my entire life. Although it’s hard to be so far away from them, I’m in their lives more today than I ever was.
I was promised that if I continue to do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll be able to mend my broken relationships. This promise came true in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Being able to support my family gives me more gratitude than anything else. We’ve never been closer than we are now and we live thousands of miles apart! Sobriety’s give me my family back, no distance can ever change that!
