Becoming a Woman of Grace & Dignity

The Stages of Sobriety

Although I sometimes forget this important fact, I didn’t get better overnight! It took me exactly how long it took me to grow into a woman of grace and dignity. It took me six years.

Now don’t get me wrong, the obsession to drink and use drugs was lifted as soon as I did the work. I got a sponsor within my first few weeks sober. I started working the steps. I had a spiritual awakening and haven’t obsessed over chemicals in a long time. Emotional sobriety, though? That’s a whole other story.

I was a mess of character defects, insecurities, and selfish behaviors for my first year sober. Slowly, they began to fade away as I did more work on myself. I prayed, meditated, helped others, went to therapy, and completed therapy assignments. Through this process, I began to get better in all areas of my life.

long-term recovery

So, how do women in early-recovery move from scared girls to women of grace and dignity? The answer is time, self-reflection, and fearless work on ourselves.

To help make sense of this process, I’ve outlined the different stages of sobriety. I hope you all find them helpful! Learn from my mistakes and lessons, so you don’t have to make the same ones!

In Treatment

This is the first step to a new life. We’re freshly sober and probably out of our minds with fear, resentment, ego, insecurity, and a hundred other worries.

Rehab is a place to physically separate us from drugs and alcohol. It’s a safe environment for us to reawaken to the world. It’s a home away from home. If those examples sound kind of corny, well, deal with it! They’re 100% true!

Not only does being in treatment keep us physically safe from booze and drugs, it also allows us to learn about ourselves. Treatment is a time for reflection and realization. It’s a safe place to face the demons that kept us drinking and drugging for years.

Of course, facing these demons isn’t enough. We have to overcome them. We’re introduced to the tools we use to accomplish this in rehab. We’re introduced to spiritual principles like honesty, faith, service, and communication in rehab.

Early-Sobriety

I define early-sobriety as the time after rehab to three years. That’s a pretty long stretch of time! The important thing to remember is that the physical time doesn’t matter. Rather than quantity, we’re aiming for quality!

Early-sobriety is where the rubber meets the road. It’s where we reenter the world and put those spiritual principles into practice. It’s also where I made most of my mistakes.

I did a ton of stupid things in early-sobriety. I got involved with boys and took the focus off my Higher Power. I went to the casino and started compulsively gambling. I had more jobs than I can count on one hand, and maybe more than I can count on both hands. I practiced dishonesty instead of honesty.

There were a couple of things I did right though! I went to an all women’s halfway house. I was dating when I shouldn’t have, but I also had strong women surrounding me.

I was 100% honest with my sponsor. I told her everything good and bad I was doing. She chewed me out regularly and I deserved it!

Finally, even though my focus was often taken off my spiritual growth, I continued to work the steps. Within six months I’d completed them and began to reach out to others. Yeah, I was still full of character defects, but I was trying my best to help others.

The Danger Zone

The danger zone is my nickname for the period between three years and double-digit sobriety. I call it the danger zone because it seems like a lot of women relapse during this time.

I’m currently six and a half years sober. So, I’m smack in the middle of the danger zone! After making the same mistakes over and over during early-sobriety, I’ve started to really grow as a woman of grace and dignity.

I’m in the danger zone, but I’m doing well. I don’t enter romantic relationships, or any relationships for that matter, which aren’t healthy. I pray, meditate, and practice God-centered sponsorship. I stopped gambling! I put others’ needs before my own.

Through doing these simple (but not easy!) steps, I’m protected from drinking and selfish behavior. Of course, if I stop doing them, if I stop practicing these principles in all my affairs, I’m going to drink.

It’s that simple. If I stay balanced, I’ll stay healthy and sober. If I lose balance, I’ll end up drunk and selfish.

Long-Term Sobriety

the stages of sobriety

I think of long-term sobriety as having over ten years. It’s funny, though, I’ve heard countless old-timers refer to themselves as newcomers. Now that’s humility!

I’m not at this stage yet, so I’m not sure what it’s like. I bet it’s probably similar to where I’m at now. That’s one of the many wonderful things about recovery – if I do the same things at twenty years that I did at twenty days, I’ll stay sober.

One thing I’ve heard many people with long-term sobriety say is how simple their lives have become. While, in some ways, my life is simpler at six plus years sober, it’s also more complicated. I have more responsibility, accountability, and daily tasks than I did in early-sobriety.

I image I’ll have even more at fifteen or twenty years. I think old-timers are talking about their emotional health when they say their lives are simple. I hope that’s it anyway!

Want to know how to get to long-term sobriety? It’s simple, really. Find an old-timer and ask them how they did it. The answer won’t disappoint you, I promise!

Should I Date A Recovering Alcoholic or A Normal Guy?

Written By: Fiona Stockard

First Thing’s First

709_4582263

Okay, here’s the deal, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I’m not going to blow smoke up your t*ts for twenty minutes. I’m going get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic or addict.

“But Fiona, what if they relapse?”

Shut up.

The core of this whole “should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy” debate is the word normal. No one, not one soul, is normal. The guy you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley.

The Truth

Nobody is normal. We all have our issues. That’s why you should date someone in recovery, you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental a*s they do. The cool thing about people in recovery is they’ll tell you exactly what those issues are.

People in recovery love to talk about how f**ked up they are. It helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So, date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.

The Advantages of Dating a Guy in Recovery

The cool thing is that you know they’re working on these issues. You know they use their issues to fuel recovery.

It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt, and eat Sour Patch Kids, and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.”

Nope. Instead, they say, “When I used to drink, I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat Sour Patch Kids. I’m very ashamed of it, but if someone can relate to it, or if my story helps them in any way, then it was worth it.”

Now that’s how you explain doing stupid s**t when you were wasted!

The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or druggie is that everyday they work on becoming a better person. You’re on the ground floor of what could become one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world!

People in Recovery Battle the Pink Robots

People who’re truly in recovery get better and better everyday. Now, so called “normal people,” they don’t do that. Normal people…you know what, I hate that term. Lets call them Robots!

Okay, robots sit in their cubicles, or corner offices, talking about their material possessions, the stock market, last night’s game, the PTA meeting, whatever. This repeats for years and years. Never do they help people. Never do they really open up. They don’t get better. Robots only get worse.

Robots live their entire lives seeming to be normal robots. “Oh, Pastor Mark? He’s such a kind and companionate robot.” Bulls**t. Pastor Mark has been smoking meth behind the Waffle House for ten years. He’s been banging the pool boy. In his spare time, he tells bible stories at church. Oh, and one more thing. Pastor Mark is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats Sour Patch Kids and has no plans of stopping.

Robots are always going to be robots. They hide their faults. They live in secret and present fake lives to the world.

Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them, and strive to make themselves, and the world, a better place.



So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?

If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.

If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some Sour Patch Kids.