Firsthand Addiction: What Addiction is Really Like

by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 25, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction

Firsthand Addiction: What Addiction is Really Like

The term addiction is tossed around loosely and frequently now-a-days. “I’m addicted to buying shoes,” or “I’m addicted to diet soda,” or “I’m, like, so addicted to being in the club right now!” We hear this stuff everyday. Have we forgotten what addiction really is?

what addiction is really like

Let’s find out what addiction looks like as we explore it from one addict’s perspective.

What is Addiction, Anyway?

Addiction is when someone has a physical allergy to substances, mixed with a mental obsession about those substances, both of which are driven by a spiritual malady. That’s a very twelve-step way of looking at it, but it’s also the only way that’s ever made sense to me.

So, what’s this physical allergy all about? I think of it like having any other allergy. If a bee stings me, the area around the sting gets all puffy and gross. If I use drugs, my body processes them differently, and demands more. My body gets all puffy and gross, metaphorically and literally!

In active addiction, the only way I could stop this physical allergy was to be removed from the drugs. I had to be arrested, or in rehab, or locked in a room without a key. Otherwise, I was going to find a way to use. In sobriety, stopping the allergy is as simple as not picking up a drink or drug.

The mental obsession is exactly what it sounds like. When the thought of using pops into my head, it won’t leave until I use. If you’re not an addict, this is probably the hardest part to understand. Why not just think about something else? Why not see a shrink? It doesn’t work like that for addicts. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t.

Stopping the mental obsession is simple, but not easy! Basically, addicts need to experience an “emotional rearrangement” if they want to get better. Our core values and guiding principals need to be swapped out for new ones. The only way I know to accomplish this is through building a relationship with God. Remember, simple but not easy!

The spiritual malady sounds much harder to understand than it is. Really, it means all the crap that made me use in the first place. Things like low self-esteem, insecurity, anger, resentment, and self-pity. Once these are dealt with, the spiritual malady goes away.

The best way to remove these things is through God. While therapy helps tremendously, it isn’t a replacement for getting in touch with a higher power. Again, I don’t know why this is, it just is.

How Can I Tell if I’m an Addict?

Addiction boils down to two things, control and choice. Sounds too simple, right? Diagnosing addiction based on just two criteria? There are doctors who charge thousands of dollars to determine if you’re “really” an addict. Just ask yourself the following two questions:

• When I use drugs, can I choose when to stop?

• For that matter, can I choose when to start using, or does it just sort of happen?

If you answered no to one question, you may have a problem. If you answered no to both, you’re probably an addict.

It’s important for me to make clear – I’m not a doctor! All my advice is based on my own experience with addiction and recovery. Everything I know, I learned through treatment and twelve-step fellowships.

What I’m trying to say is – don’t be an idiot. Get a second opinion. If you’re dealing with cancer, you’d get a second opinion. Treat addiction just as seriously as cancer. Trust me, it is.

I’m an Addict…What Can I Do?

There are a ton of options available for treating addiction. We’re lucky ‘cause this wasn’t always the case. Treatment options include:

• One-on-One Addiction Therapy
• Intensive Outpatient Treatment
• Outpatient Treatment
• Inpatient Treatment
• Twelve-Step Fellowships (AA, NA, CA, etc.)
• Self-Help Groups (SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, etc.)

What do these treatment options mean for the still sick and suffering addict? Simply put, they mean get off your ass and start getting better! A ton of options are available, don’t be lazy. There’s no better day than today to change your life!

How Do I Know If I’m an Alcoholic?

by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 20, 2013 | Drug Addiction

Discover the Truth About Yourself

How do I know if I’m an elephant? How do I know if I’m a tiger? How do I know if I’m an alcoholic? Well, if you have a trunk and you’re the largest land mammal around, you’re an elephant! If you’re a wild cat with orange and black stripes, are owned by Siegfried and Roy (or if you’re a professional golfer with a Nike endorsement and have cheated on your wife), you’re a tiger! Those two are easy.

How do you know if you’re an alcoholic, though? That isn’t an easy question to answer. Unlike being an elephant or tiger, appearances and behaviors aren’t exclusive signs of alcoholism. Yes, alcoholics have some general characteristics, but there aren’t any exclusive traits. That homeless guy holding a sign and sleeping under a bridge? He’s probably an alcoholic, but all alcoholics aren’t homeless. So, the answer to whether you’re an alcoholic is elusive and, at times, subjective. How do we answer this question? How can I tell if I am an alcoholic?

My Moment of Clarity

Well, a few years ago, I was in upstate New York. I was in a hair salon, asking myself this very question. I was reading Reader’s Digest, while the toxic fumes of AquaNet burned my nose. A few pages into Reader’s Digest, I saw a questionnaire titled “How Do I Know If I’m an Alcoholic?” It was a multiple-choice, ten question test. I was like “perfect! I’ll finally know!”

I borrowed a pen from the front dest and began to answer the first question. As soon as my pen hit paper, an eighty-year old woman snatched the magazine from my hands. “Oh, honey, only alcoholic’s take that test,” she said. “I’m not an alcoholic, just curious.” I replied. She smiled and shook her head. “No, you’re not just curious, you’re an alcoholic.”

Okay, now I’m getting pissed. This old broad has no idea who I am and here she is judging me! She’s judging me just because I wanted to take some stupid Reader’s Digest quiz! Somehow, I kept my cool and asked her “how do you know I’m an alcoholic?”

“Well, the non-alcoholic person doesn’t wonder. They don’t ask themselves questions, they don’t even let the thought cross their mind, See, for them, being an alcoholic isn’t even an option, because alcohol isn’t that important to them. They don’t need it. So, if they had couple rough nights, or even a rough couple of weeks, they stop and that’s it. But, the person who puts pen to that test is struggling with the idea of alcoholism. They’re wrestling with the concept of not drinking. They’re fighting against the idea of a better life without alcohol. That’s how I know you’re an alcoholic! Plus, your car has an empty bottle in the back seat, your eyes are bloodshot from last night, and you still smell like booze,” she replied. She knew!

It turned out she was a recovering alcoholic herself, with over forty years in recovery. Guess what else. It turned out she was right. I was an alcohol. How did she know and I didn’t? How did she know YEARS before I did?

Well, if I’m wondering if I’m a tiger, I’m going to get the best possible answer from a tiger. If I’m wondering if I’m an alcoholic, I’m going to get the best possible answer from another alcoholic. We know what despair feels like. What know what despair smells like, looks like, walks like, and talks like.

So, if you’re asking yourself if you may be an alcoholic, go to a meeting and ask someone. Ask someone with a few years sober. Hell, ask someone with a few months sober (who’s worked the steps, of course). They may tell you “yes.” They may tell you “no.” Regardless, they’ll be able to help like no one else.