by Fiona Stockard | Jun 2, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
We Didn’t Start the Fire!
Welcome back to Halfway House Chronicles: One Woman’s Story of Early-Sobriety. I hope you liked the first one, ‘cause I have lots more where that came from!
When I was coming up with my list of which interesting experiences to write about, I kept coming back to the idea that they should be more than funny stories. I mean, fun and games are good…but where’s the value? Where’s the spiritual lesson in telling humorous stories about early-recovery?
With that in mind, all Halfway House Chronicles are going to have some sort of lesson attached to them. They’ll have some nugget of wisdom I’ve distilled from my (somewhat crazy) early-sobriety antics.
Today, I’d like to share with you all about the time I lit a fire in my sober living house and end with a reflection on God-centered thinking. Sounds like a jump, right? Then read on!
Okay, Maybe We DID Start the Fire…
I was living in the same halfway house I talked about last time. My roommates who were secretly getting high had been kicked out. I got a new roommate who I loved and, more importantly, who was working to better herself spiritually.
We’d go to meetings together, discuss the Big Book together, do yoga together, meditate together, and talk to boys together. In short, we were inseparable and not always for the best reasons!
One day, we were hanging out on the other side of our halfway house “complex” (the house was actually a bunch of apartments in a large complex). We were smoking cigarettes and talking to two boys who were up on their porch.
They started throwing little bits of gravel at us, so, of course, we threw our cigarettes up at them. Makes sense, right? Oh the strange logic of early-sobriety!
Anyway, one of our cigarettes must have fallen from their porch to the bushes in front of us ‘cause, within a minute or two, we noticed A LOT of smoke coming from the bush. We’d accidently lit it on fire!
this is what the fire looked like in my head!
I started freaking out and yelling about how we were going to get kicked out (I probably should have been yelling about how we could have burned the place down). Thankfully, my roommate was more levelheaded. She ran up into the boys’ apartment, grabbed a bucket of water, and dumped it on the bush.
That got rid of the fire and the immediate emergency. At our house meeting a few days later, my roommate and I got called out for going into the boys’ apartment. Apparently someone had seen my roommate run into their house to get water!
I was furious because a) I hadn’t gone into their apartment and b) my roommate only did it to extinguish the fire! I tried explaining that to the owner and house managers. Of course, they weren’t very understanding. They didn’t kick us out, but we were now on thin ice.
And they were right! One of the house managers, the same one who’d given me such good advice when I called her about my old roommates using, took me aside and gave me some MORE advice I still remember to this day.
A Lesson in Humility & God
Here’s where the lesson I was talking about earlier enters the picture (told you we’d get there!). This woman, who I now think was an angel sent into my life to help me during early-recovery, told me a few things.
First, she pointed out that my roommate and myself wouldn’t have had to get water to extinguish the fire if we hadn’t been at the boys’ apartment in the first place. Okay, that’s pretty obvious right? It hit me like a ton of bricks!
She explained that I was looking for attention and outside validation, which is normal for an alcoholic, when I should have been looking to strengthen my relationship with God.
She sat down with me (ironically right in front of where we’d started the fire!) and explained the difference between God-centered thinking and selfish thinking. God-centered thinking, she said, was when someone prayed and meditated and thought of how they could help people.
Selfish thinking, on the other hand, was what most alcoholics were used to. It was thinking about only ourselves and how to get what we want.
She then explained that although I was upset over this whole situation (and on early-curfew!), I could use it as a source of humility and a way to start practicing God-centered thinking. She told me that us alcoholics don’t learn things easily, that we have to bang out heads on the wall a few times to learn a simple lesson.
I can fortunately say I took her advice. I began to pray and meditate more seriously. I began to practice God-centered thinking AND living. Guess what? I haven’t started a fire since! That, my friends, is a miracle!
by Sally Rosa | Oct 13, 2014 | Recovery
By: Tim Myers
How To Tell Your Co-Working is a Recovering Alcoholic
Almost four years ago I stopped drinking. I have no idea why I did, I just did. I’d tried for many years to quit, but for some reason on December 6th 2010, I stopped.
Now, my problem wasn’t stopping. My problem was figuring out for the love of God how to stay stopped! I’d tried the girlfriend maintenance program. I’d tried the white-knuckle roller coaster. I’d tried the “non-alcoholic” beer club. Nothing worked, until everything worked.
For years and years, my co-workers suffered as my alcohol fueled body roared through their lives, making them work longer and harder, while I got drunker and drunker.
Today, I try to treat those I work with better than that. I try to be an asset instead of a liability. Recovering alcoholics who work a good program are the nicest and hardest working people in the office. You’d have no idea they used to sleep in the bathroom of a strip club.
So, if you’re thinking, “Man, I wonder why Jim from the mail room is such a great dude?” It could be because he’s a recovering alcoholic. Before asking Jim, look for these five signs.
5) They’re on the Phone A Lot Having Secret Conversations
It’s not a job interview or a mistress. Nope, they’re called sponsees.
After I had one year sober, I was always bouncing to the stairwell to answer a call. Sponsees call five times a day or never at all. They could be calling to tell you they drank, calling to discuss the Doctor’s Opinion, or just calling to tell you their calves hurt from the 5K they ran in. No matter what the reason, every call helps us stay sober.
So yeah, he may be on the phone a lot but, he’s getting pretty sober.
4) Everything Always Seems to Work Out for Them
You know that guy who always seems to be in the right place at the right time? That guy who always seems to get what he wants? Well, that guy may be a recovering alcoholic.
Here’s why – as alcoholics in recovery, we help other people stay sober. We live our lives honestly and justly, by helping others stay sober and by living a life of service. Through doing that, we’re making the world a better place. God likes that.
When you help others, good things happen to you. If you punch you sister in her stupid face, steal twenty dollars from your Mom, and then ask Dad to borrow the car, he’s going to say no, you’re an a*shole.
If you help your sister with her homework, kiss her stupid face, and help mom with the laundry, then Dad’s probably going to give you the keys, and few bucks for gas.
The same thing applies here. Help others and good things happen to you. So, if everything in your co-worker’s life seems to be star-spangled awesome, he might just be making the world a more sober place.
3) They Seem to Admit They Were Wrong
It’s called direct amends. It’s one of the things we do on a daily basis that keeps us from being a total a*shole. It’ll probably garner a lot of attention in the office, since most people like to stuff that humility and responsibility down their pants.
This isn’t a sign of weakness. They’re not being a push over. They’re just showing you what integrity looks like.
2) They Make Your Life Better
You know that person that just makes you feel better by being there? That person who always seems to have your back? They’re funny, kind, and give great advice. That’s how it feels to have a true and honest-to-goodness recovering alcoholic in your life, or at least that’s how the ones in my life make me feel.
1) They Never Drink Ever
Period.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
First Thing’s First
Okay, here’s the deal, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I’m not going to blow smoke up your t*ts for twenty minutes. I’m going get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic or addict.
“But Fiona, what if they relapse?”
Shut up.
The core of this whole “should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy” debate is the word normal. No one, not one soul, is normal. The guy you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley.
The Truth
Nobody is normal. We all have our issues. That’s why you should date someone in recovery, you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental a*s they do. The cool thing about people in recovery is they’ll tell you exactly what those issues are.
People in recovery love to talk about how f**ked up they are. It helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So, date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.
The Advantages of Dating a Guy in Recovery
The cool thing is that you know they’re working on these issues. You know they use their issues to fuel recovery.
It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt, and eat Sour Patch Kids, and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.”
Nope. Instead, they say, “When I used to drink, I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat Sour Patch Kids. I’m very ashamed of it, but if someone can relate to it, or if my story helps them in any way, then it was worth it.”
Now that’s how you explain doing stupid s**t when you were wasted!
The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or druggie is that everyday they work on becoming a better person. You’re on the ground floor of what could become one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world!
People in Recovery Battle the Pink Robots
People who’re truly in recovery get better and better everyday. Now, so called “normal people,” they don’t do that. Normal people…you know what, I hate that term. Lets call them Robots!
Okay, robots sit in their cubicles, or corner offices, talking about their material possessions, the stock market, last night’s game, the PTA meeting, whatever. This repeats for years and years. Never do they help people. Never do they really open up. They don’t get better. Robots only get worse.
Robots live their entire lives seeming to be normal robots. “Oh, Pastor Mark? He’s such a kind and companionate robot.” Bulls**t. Pastor Mark has been smoking meth behind the Waffle House for ten years. He’s been banging the pool boy. In his spare time, he tells bible stories at church. Oh, and one more thing. Pastor Mark is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats Sour Patch Kids and has no plans of stopping.
Robots are always going to be robots. They hide their faults. They live in secret and present fake lives to the world.
Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them, and strive to make themselves, and the world, a better place.
So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?
If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.
If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some Sour Patch Kids.
by Sally Rosa | Jul 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Written By: Katie Schipper
Staying Clean But Living Dirty
Trying to stay clean while living a dishonest life isn’t easy. It’s possible, but not easy at all. Not many people can do it. If you’re in a twelve-step fellowship, you may watch it happen. Usually, when someone’s sober while living dirty, it’s because she’s in a pretty intense state of denial about how she’s really living.
The reason it’s so hard to stay clean and live dirty isn’t complicated. You’re in a program that preaches honesty at every turn. Meanwhile, you’re living a lifestyle that requires lying! These opposites can’t work together for very long. The truth is that sometimes it takes time, a lot of time, for a woman to realize she’s lying to herself. It happens as a process and with support.
What about working a job that, at its core, is based on lying, misleading, or dishonesty?
Justifying Dishonesty
A couple of things come up right away when talking about dishonest jobs. There’s the idea that if enough people do it, as a group, they can convince themselves that it isn’t that bad, or that they aren’t at fault because they’re just doing their job. There’s always, ALWAYS, a justification for being dishonest. If people couldn’t justify living a lie, it wouldn’t be so easy to do at first. Dishonest jobs may also come with perks that make the lie seem like less of an issue. Maybe a dishonest job pays better or has better hours. It might have outcomes that are desirable and make your life easier. But at what cost?
Whatever treatment center for women you go to, one of the first things you learn (and hear over and over and over…and over) is how crucial honesty is to recovery. You hear how this means honesty in every area of your life. Once again, that doesn’t mean every lie you’ve ever told is suddenly going to come to light. Remember, denial is the foundation of addicts’ lives. Hey, we’re so good at denial that sometimes our lies feel like the truth! That’s why it’s so important in early-recovery to find people (like a sponsor and a support network) that help you tell the true from the false.
Making Choices and Sacrifices
The truth about having a dishonest job in sobriety, and being aware of that dishonesty, is that eventually it’ll catch up to you. This might take the form of a spiritual crisis, like a return to self-loathing. It might be an eventual loss of what having a dishonest job got you in the first place. It might be a relapse.
Dishonesty and losing the willingness to confront challenges is usually a stepping stones to deciding that getting high or drunk is a good idea. No one is perfect and no one is asking us to be perfect. The idea is to gather enough willingness and awareness that we can look at something (like a job opportunity) and reasonably decide whether it’s moral, honest, and worthwhile.
To put it another way – it’s better to make eight bucks an hour as a grocery checkout person, than to have a baller job with lots of cash at the price of sacrificing your integrity. Know why? Because there absolutely are things that money can’t buy.
