by Sally Rosa | Jan 30, 2015 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
My Experience Switching Sponsors
My first sponsor had around six months when she started taking me through the twelve-steps. Despite not having a ton of time, she’d been through her steps, had a spiritual experience, and was ready to spread a message of hope and recovery.
We didn’t have that much in common, aside from both being alcoholics. She was much older than I was, although at nineteen almost everyone was much older than I was! She taught Social Studies and coached baseball at a local high school. She was married. She had money in the bank.
I could continue this list, but I think you all get the idea. We were brought together by the twelve-steps and the need to live our lives on spiritual principles. She began to take me through the steps. Six months later, I’d finished my steps and she’d picked up her one-year medallion.
It was around this time, when I started sponsoring women, that I began to think about switching sponsors. Don’t get me wrong, my original sponsor saved my life. I’m going to spend the rest of my days working off that debt by helping other women.
Still, we didn’t have much in common. I wanted a sponsor that was closer to my age and had similar experiences, both in active addiction and recovery. So I started “shopping around” as my friends call it.
On the Hunt for a New Sponsor
All of a sudden, meetings took on a whole new meaning. Not only was I going to spread the message of recovery, I was also going to see what other women had to say. Of course, that’d always been one reason for meetings, but now it took on a new importance.
I reached out, got a ton of phone numbers, and put together a list of potential sponsors. I prayed, meditated, and asked God for guidance. I also ran some of my potential ideas by another alcoholic.
God works in mysterious ways, my friends! Guess who I ended up asking to sponsor me? The woman I ran my list by! I’m getting ahead of myself though.
I called this woman up and we talked for a couple of hours. She gave me a piece of advice that’s stuck with my ever since. This is also the advice that made me realize she was the perfect sponsor for me.
She said, “Whoever you pick, make sure they’re someone who’s always been there for you in the past.” That was God talking to me through another alcoholic! That was what I’d been praying and meditating for. Those were the words I’d been waiting to hear.
Actually Switching Sponsors
After we got off the phone, I said another prayer. I then called the woman who’d taken my through the steps. I was so nervous! I thought she was going to be angry and never talk to me again!
It turns out, like most things in sobriety, that I was up in my head for nothing. She completely understood and even acknowledged some of what I’d been thinking. We ended the phone call closer than we’d been previously! God certainly does work in mysterious ways.
I then called my new sponsor (though she didn’t know it yet!) and asked her to sponsor me. She said yes and the rest, as they say, was history. That was almost six years ago and I haven’t looked back since.
I heard a simple and profound saying early in my recovery. It went something like “if you don’t think you have the best sponsor in the world, you picked the wrong woman.”
I’ve been blessed in my sobriety with two amazing sponsors. What more can a girl ask for?
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
First Thing’s First
Okay, here’s the deal, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I’m not going to blow smoke up your t*ts for twenty minutes. I’m going get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic or addict.
“But Fiona, what if they relapse?”
Shut up.
The core of this whole “should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy” debate is the word normal. No one, not one soul, is normal. The guy you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley.
The Truth
Nobody is normal. We all have our issues. That’s why you should date someone in recovery, you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental a*s they do. The cool thing about people in recovery is they’ll tell you exactly what those issues are.
People in recovery love to talk about how f**ked up they are. It helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So, date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.
The Advantages of Dating a Guy in Recovery
The cool thing is that you know they’re working on these issues. You know they use their issues to fuel recovery.
It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt, and eat Sour Patch Kids, and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.”
Nope. Instead, they say, “When I used to drink, I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat Sour Patch Kids. I’m very ashamed of it, but if someone can relate to it, or if my story helps them in any way, then it was worth it.”
Now that’s how you explain doing stupid s**t when you were wasted!
The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or druggie is that everyday they work on becoming a better person. You’re on the ground floor of what could become one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world!
People in Recovery Battle the Pink Robots
People who’re truly in recovery get better and better everyday. Now, so called “normal people,” they don’t do that. Normal people…you know what, I hate that term. Lets call them Robots!
Okay, robots sit in their cubicles, or corner offices, talking about their material possessions, the stock market, last night’s game, the PTA meeting, whatever. This repeats for years and years. Never do they help people. Never do they really open up. They don’t get better. Robots only get worse.
Robots live their entire lives seeming to be normal robots. “Oh, Pastor Mark? He’s such a kind and companionate robot.” Bulls**t. Pastor Mark has been smoking meth behind the Waffle House for ten years. He’s been banging the pool boy. In his spare time, he tells bible stories at church. Oh, and one more thing. Pastor Mark is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats Sour Patch Kids and has no plans of stopping.
Robots are always going to be robots. They hide their faults. They live in secret and present fake lives to the world.
Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them, and strive to make themselves, and the world, a better place.
So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?
If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.
If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some Sour Patch Kids.
by Sally Rosa | Jun 18, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Written By: Katie Schipper
Dealing with a Relapsing Roommate Isn’t Easy
One of the first things you’ll hear in treatment or a twelve-step fellowship is that not everyone stays sober. There are a lot of reasons people relapse into active addiction, but it usually comes down to whether or not someone’s ready and willing to give recovery as much focus as they gave getting high.
In a place like Delray Beach, where the recovery community is huge, chances are high that you’ll know a lot of people who relapse. The longer you stay sober, the higher that number will be. So, what happens when a relapse hits close to home? What’s there to do if you know your roommate is getting high or drunk?
Recovery Contracts
If you’re living with someone who starts using, it isn’t always easy to pack up your things and walk out the door. It’s probably just as hard to try and force someone else to leave. While it’s wise to go into any roommate situation with a recovery contract, once someone relapses that contract becomes pretty worthless. So, what do you actually do?
Moving in with others in recovery? Learn what to avoid.
Stay Focused!
The first thing to do, and continue doing, is working your program. You’re safe from the first drink, as long as you’re doing the right thing and not coasting along. If you have a sponsor, go to meetings, help other women, and do what’s suggested you’re not going to magically get drunk or high. At that point, you’d have to make a conscience decision to go out. So, the real question is a bit more complicated than simply “what do I do?” The real question is how to live with someone who’s relapsing, whether that’s the right thing to do, or how to get out of the situation.
Most sober women aren’t going to choose to stay in a living situation where someone is getting high or drunk. Sometimes though, there isn’t another option. If your roommate is using and you have no way out of the lease, make it that much more difficult for your roommate to continue “getting away with it.” At this point, there’s no reason to protect your roommate, harsh as that may sound. Trying to save face is also a waste of time. Tell people in your life, and in her life, what’s really going on. They might be able to help her. If she threatens to hurt herself or anyone else, tell someone that too, probably the police. The worst possible thing to do is to sit back and pretend like nothing’s happening. Addiction articles and stories repeat this truth. Simply put, if you know something isn’t right, say something.
How do those living with addicts recover? Read one woman’s personal story.
Leave if You Can
If you’re able to get out of your living situation, do so. Part of getting sober is recognizing that you no longer have to live the way you used to. You don’t have to settle for a subpar, painful existence. You don’t have to stay in situations where you no longer belong. You’re allowed to move and grow. You’re absolutely allowed to remove people from your life who don’t serve a positive purpose.
If your roommate is relapsing, bring extra focus to your own recovery. That’s where the answer lies and it’s where your solution is found.
by Fiona Stockard | May 23, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Katie Schipper
Why Does Choosing a Good Roommate Matter?
Early recovery can often feel like a constant onslaught of suggestions, advice, appointments, therapy, outpatient, meetings, step-work, and so on. The list of things that must be considered can seem never ending!
Why, on top of everything else, does choosing the right roommate matter? Of course, certain qualities are obvious. It’s probably not a great idea to move in with someone who’s getting high or drunk. And maybe avoid moving in with the boy you met in rehab. There’s more to choosing a roommate than just the obvious though, it deserves some attention and thought.
Learning how to live sober is a process. Finding a roommate and building a home (that isn’t a recreation of the chaos you lived in during active addiction) is more than just not using in that home. Finding the right roommate matters because finding a roommate can be one of the first steps in achieving balance. It can be one of the first steps towards living in harmony as a sober woman, outside of an inpatient treatment center, a halfway house, or even a Florida intensive outpatient program.
The following suggestions are based on the assumption that you’re leaving a halfway house after finishing a commitment.
Does quality substance abuse treatment still exist?
Things to Consider in a Roommate
Like any other individual choice, the following qualities to look for in a roommate are only suggestions.
Sometimes, the easiest thing to do is pick a friend and roll with it, regardless of who she is or where she’s at in her recovery (if she’s even in recovery). Often, the easiest thing leads to a lot of extra anxiety and stress! So, before choosing someone just because, consider a few ideas.
- If you’re moving in with someone who’s not in recovery, is this something that will interfere with your recovery?
If the answer is maybe or yes, it’s not worth the risk it poses. Also, do you know that their drinking/using is that of a normal, social user? If you can’t say yes to that question with certainty, it’s a good idea to find someone else.
Now if your potential roommate is in recovery, consider a few things, things that have been found to be largely true across the board.
- Is your roommate through her steps?
If not, consider finding someone who is. If you aren’t through your steps, consider getting through them before leaving your halfway house. Steps completed = some level of sanity has returned. This results in less likelihood of drama in your home!
- Can you find someone who has taken the time to build her recovery through treatment, IOP, and step-work?
- Find someone with whom you can be honest
Honesty usually isn’t a strong point for addicts, so building a roommate relationship based on honesty and openness is a really great foundation for future relationships.
- Find someone who is employable and employed
- Find someone who has similar values or requirements in a roommate as you
For example, if you’re cool with having overnight guests regularly, but your potential roommate isn’t, that’s going to become an issue.
Are you an alcoholic with an anxiety disorder? This article is about you!
What Makes a House a Home?
All of the above are starting points for finding a roommate. If the right roommate isn’t immediately in front of you, don’t pick a random girl! It’s not always wise to jump into a living arrangement with your best friend from IOP, or with someone you’re just getting to know. Be patient and wait until you find someone who you believe you could live with harmoniously.
Having a sober home, a harmonious home, a home instead of a house, is new to most addicts. It’s definitely something worth seeking.
