by Fiona Stockard | Jul 23, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
The Trick to Dealing with Disappointment in Sobriety
Disappointment in Sobriety Requires Acceptance
One of the first lessons I learned in treatment was acceptance. Acceptance of the decisions I’d made to land me in rehab and acceptance of the situations I find myself in. It wasn’t easy!
What I’ve found is that acceptance is usually the first step towards change. Once I was able to accept I was an alcoholic and addict, I was able to make the right decisions towards getting better. In early-sobriety, these decisions are simple, but hard to implement. These include: not picking up a drink or a drug, speaking up in group therapy, attending twelve-step meetings, dealing with disappointment rationally, and getting a sponsor.
Doing the Right Thing
As we continue to do the right thing, our lives start getting better. In time, we come to expect this from ourselves. What I mean is, we expect things to work in our favor. It’s easy to forget the bad feelings and unmanageability that came along with drinking and using. Nevertheless, things don’t always go our way. Sometimes, even when we’re doing the right thing, life happens.
I don’t know about you, but I used to use ANY excuse I could find to get high, especially when I was dealing with disappointment. I wasn’t very good at handling disappointment and used it as the perfect excuse to get as messed up as possible.
Wondering how to deal with disappointment in relationships? This article’s a must read!
How To Cope With Disappointment Better
There are a couple tools I learned in my women’s treatment center that I still use today. The first is “move a muscle, change a thought”. Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is sit around and mope. Take a shower or go for a run. Often, changing activities helps you forget about disappointment, even if it’s only for a little while.
The second tool is to talk about it. Use your sober supports, friends, therapists, and sponsor. A lot of times, talking about something takes the power out of it. Once you take the power out of something you can accept that maybe it was supposed to happen how it did. Have faith that there might be something better for you on the horizon. This is one of my best tools for dealing with disappointment!
Struggling with anxiety? Here are some helpful tips to deal with it.
The last thing I learned in rehab was how to change my perspective. Happiness and serenity has a lot to do with how we view our lives. Write a gratitude list! Appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you have lost.
When I was using, my mind was closed off to these suggestions. I thought drugs and alcohol were a better way to deal with my issues. After I ended up in treatment, I realized they weren’t. They were only a temporary solution to my problems and disappointments.
When all else fails, appreciate that you’re a person in the world and do something for someone else. A lot of times, helping others takes us away from disappointment. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter! You’ll realize quickly how lucky you are.
by A Women in Sobriety | Jul 14, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Written By: Katie Schipper
Enjoying the Gifts of Today by Living in the Moment
Nothing is More Important Than Living in the Moment
The intensity with which we naturally think about the future is so strong that, more often than not, we’re not living in the moment. Instead, we’re completely missing out on the only thing that really exists, the exact moment that we’re in.
A whole lot is lost by focusing on the future and outcomes – it causes, and in turn is caused by, anxiety, fear, and worry. Thoughts about the future are valuable, yes, but they should NEVER come at the expense of the present moment. Learning to be mindful of what’s right in front of us is one of the gifts of being in recovery. It’s not always easy to be mindful, but conceptually speaking, it’s pretty simple. Not to mention, there are endless reasons why it’s worth exploring.
Learn about Jim Carrey’s speech on living in today!
Living for Today Requires Practicing Mindfulness
The absolute and unavoidable reality for every person is that someday they’ll take their final breath. Someday they’ll die. The majority of us have knowledge of, or say in, when that day’s going to come. You can plan your future around this day. You can plan your future out day-by-day, week-by-week, even year-by-year. You can plan what you want to be doing years from now. You can do plan to an obsessive degree, but in the end, you may never see the day when your planning comes to fruition.
So, the real why of practicing mindfulness and living in today is that we have no way of knowing which day will be our last. If all our days are spent worrying about the future, do we have any room left for joy? Do we have any room left for actually living?
Now, that doesn’t mean we have to float around with no direction, or become a monk, or live outside of society, though we can do all of these if we want to. It means a very radical shift in thinking. After all we’re programmed to plan, think, and worry about the future. It seems to be written in our DNA. But thoughts of the future don’t have to control us.
Mindfulness takes on a stronger meaning for addicts and alcoholics because our sobriety begins over each morning when we wake up. Our sobriety is contingent upon our action that day. It doesn’t matter what we say we’ll do in the future, and the past doesn’t guarantee that we’ll stay sober for today. Nope, we have only this exact moment to choose not to pick up a drink or get high. We learn that living in the moment, and applying the knowledge we gain in recovery, helps us stay sober. More importantly, it helps us enjoy the gifts of today!
Learn how to be grateful for today
How to Practice Living in the Moment and Enjoying the Gifts of Today
Mindfulness and living for today are simple concepts. Remember though, simple and easy aren’t the same thing! It’s simple enough for a child, but the actual practice takes time, maybe even a lifetime, to really learn.
A good place to start in any mindfulness practice is to focus on your individual breaths. From there, notice the things around you. What sounds do you hear? What’s under your feet or in your hands? What can you see directly in your vision? What do you smell? Try to notice these basic senses without thinking about your to do list, what’s for dinner, or an argument you had. Try to notice what’s right in front of you for sixty seconds.
Mindfulness is a practice that helps you enjoy the gifts of today. Knowing that all we have is now sets us free to live fully in the only moment that’s real – this moment.
Find a women’s alcohol treatment center that will help you learn how to live in today!
by Fiona Stockard | Jun 23, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Katie Schipper
Busting the Myths of Quitting Tobacco in Early-Sobriety
Giving up drugs and alcohol is hard. If it were easy, then we wouldn’t need treatment, and twelve-step fellowships, and therapy, and IOP, and so on. Getting sober is really hard. Giving up tobacco in the midst of giving up drugs and alcohol can sound absolutely psychotic. Trust me, it isn’t.
There’s no evidence that supports the folklore that smoking cigarettes will help you stay sober or that giving up cigarettes is harder in early-sobriety than at other times. In support groups or addiction treatment centers, it might seem like everyone is smoking. Remember, this isn’t true! Besides, it’s going to be hard no matter when you decide to quit. So, if you want to quit smoking, guess what? There are a lot of resources to help! There are also some universal tips, regardless of whatever method you decide to use.
If you’re a Florida resident, check out what the Florida Quitline has to offer
Tips to Help Quit Smoking: Getting Started
The first thing to keep in mind is why you want to quit. For most people, knowing cigarettes are deadly and knowing the benefits of quitting aren’t enough. The consequences aren’t staring us in the face, so death isn’t a big motivator for most.
For me, I’d gotten to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night because of the smell of cigarettes on my clothes and hands. I was essentially disgusted beyond justification. I couldn’t keep smoking. I kept all that in mind as one of many small motivators for quitting.
Tips to Help Quite Smoking: The Announcement
Another tip to help quit smoking is that you don’t have to quit alone! Now, that doesn’t mean you have to recruit others to quit with you, but let people know you’re quitting. If you try to do it without letting anyone know, it’ll be that much easier to quit quitting.
Remember, quitting smoking isn’t easy! You’ll want to start smoking again! Telling a roommate/significant other/family member/loved one that you’re quitting helps keep you accountable. It also reminds you why you wanted to quit in the first place.
Read more about accountability in sobriety
Tips to Help Quite Smoking: Managing Stress
Try to manage your stress levels in other ways. Giving up a vice like cigarettes is rough, not just because of the nicotine addiction, but because cigarettes are used in a myriad of ways to ease minor anxieties. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with these after quitting smoking. In a group setting and need a break? Go outside and smoke a cigarette. Fighting with someone you love? Go smoke a cigarette? Awake and breathing? Go smoke a cigarette.
Pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one is an intensely reliable ritual. If you can find other ways to manage day-to-day stress, it’ll increase your chances exponentially.
Read how finding new hobbies can fill up free time
Tips to Help Quit Smoking: Don’t Give Up!
The very best tip to help you quit is that you shouldn’t give up if you slip. Keep trying. Not smoking is a process and you don’t have to give up if you don’t do it perfectly. Doing other simple things, like eating well and exercising, can help as you’re quitting.
Reward yourself for small milestones. A day without a cigarette is a big deal, just like a week, or a month, or a year is a big deal. You can reward yourself for those accomplishments.
To get further help, visit the American Cancer Society’s website – there are a lot of tools to help.
by Fiona Stockard | Jun 19, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Written By: Katie Schipper
Romantic Relationships in Sobriety Can Be Healthy!
No, but seriously. Wait.
That guy/girl/whoever you met in your treatment center/halfway house/that meeting that you can’t live without? You can. Just wait. The crazy thing about waiting is that you might find out your tastes aren’t quite what you thought they were. Thirty, or sixty, or ninety days off your lifetime of smoking/snorting/shooting drugs and drinking? Yeah, you probably don’t know what you want!
So wait. You might grow (shocker!). You might change. You might actually realize there’s something to be said for getting to know yourself and your inherent value. You might learn that what’s inside you is so much bigger and so much better than an attachment to another human.
Before we start new relationships, we have to fix our old ones!
First We Must learn to Love Ourselves
That doesn’t necessarily mean wait a year. After all, a year is just an arbitrary, man-made measure of time. Some people might get well before a year is up. Others, most others, probably need well over a year to undo a lifetime of diseased, insane, chemically affected thinking and acting.
It isn’t the year so much that matters, but rather the time you’ve given to the two most vital, lasting, and important relationships in your life: the one you have with God/Higher Power/the Universe/etc. and the one you have with Yourself.
Here’s the thing, we’re phenomenally adept at bulls**ting ourselves. Nowhere is this more apparent than when we are describing why, contrary to all popular evidence, we’re ready to be in a relationship when we’ve done no meaningful work on rebuilding the ONLY relationships that matter!
It’s a cliché, but it doesn’t matter because it’s true! We can’t fully love someone without learning how to love ourselves. That doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of love, or that we don’t care about others, or anything like that. It means that until we’ve built a solid foundation of self-esteem and self-love (spoiler alert: that doesn’t happen overnight, or in a month, or in three months) we’ll use the other person to fill a void, or feel better about ourselves.
All of these things that we do in addiction recovery programs, all of the work, and soul-searching, and praying, and meditation – it’s designed to connect us to a God of our own understanding. Guess what? This God already lives within each of us. If we seek it in another person before we seek it in ourselves, we’re doing ourselves a huge injustice. We usually pay for it, too. Maybe not right away, but any relationship that’s put before those two most vital relationships will eventually crumble.
Safe relationships? Whatever happened to safe sex?
Let the Right Relationship Present Itself
As for the actual steps for getting into a healthy relationship? There aren’t any. If you can honestly and earnestly say that you have a solid relationship with yourself and God, then chances are you won’t be actively seeking a relationship. Usually, faith that the right relationship will present itself in your life goes hand-in-hand with those two things.
The beautiful thing about unreservedly loving yourself is that you get to a point where you won’t settle for less than you deserve. You’ll have this gut instinct that explains what this means for you. So, if you want to get into a healthy romantic relationship, the first thing you should do is wait.
