by Fiona Stockard | Sep 29, 2014 | Drug Addiction
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Firsthand Addiction: What’s Jail Really Like?
Jail sucks. Everyone knows that. I mean, if I asked a roomful of people if they wanted to go to jail, would anyone raise their hand? Hell no!
Unfortunately, jail’s a part of life for addicts. If I wasn’t doing illegal stuff, I wouldn’t have been able to support my expensive as f**k drug habit. Now, I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth, but the same can be said for most addicts. Plus, we’re usually good at plotting and scheming.
What’s jail really like though? Is it as bad as TV shows make it out to be? Are people getting shanked left and right? Let’s find out!
My Experiences With Jail
I’ve been to jail three times and (surprise) none were fun. They didn’t completely suck either though.
I was arrested when I was fifteen for shoplifting. I don’t know why the cop didn’t let me go with a warning. I mean, come on, I was fifteen! Oh wait, probably ‘cause he found the drugs in my pocket. It was just weed though! Whatever, the point is I was shipped to a juvenile detention facility until I could go to court.
I was there for one day and one night. I didn’t get shanked. I didn’t get beaten up. I didn’t get made some woman’s b***h. It wasn’t that bad, actually. There were some thug-life girls who kept eyeballing me, but I just ignored them.
There were also a few really nice older girls. They’d been in juvie before and knew the deal. They told me what to expect in court – how I should throw myself on the judge’s mercy and say I’d never get high or steal again. Guess what? I did just that and it worked! I was released with no juvenile probation, only fines.
I wasn’t as lucky the next two times I was arrested. Both times were for possession of heroin and I was pretty dope sick in jail. I was locked up for a few days the second time and a little over two months the third time. I was over eighteen too, so I got thrown in big-girl jail. No more easy juvie for me. Dammit!
Still, I didn’t get beat up, or shanked, or made anyone’s b***h. The worst parts were being dope sick, not being able to smoke, and the crappy food. It’s not like I had an appetite anyway though!
Once again, an older woman came to my rescue. She was a longtime junkie and knew what I was going through. She gave me some of her meds (non-narcotic, of course). They helped a little bit.
The second time I was arrested, I was released with probation. The third time I wasn’t as lucky. I spent two months in jail, was mandated to drug court, and had my probation extended. You’d think that would get me sober, right? Nope. It just made me pretty good at hiding my drug use.
So, maybe getting shanked and all that bad stuff only happens in prison. Luckily, I wasn’t sent there, so I don’t know. Maybe it’s all made up to sell TV shows and movies. Again, I don’t know. I do know that I haven’t been back to jail in over six years. Normal people might think that’s, well, normal. Me though? I’m pretty f**king proud of myself!
by A Women in Sobriety | Sep 10, 2014 | Drug Addiction
This article originally appeared on Addiction Blog
How Addiction Really Affects The Family
We all know the scare stories about how addicts hurt their families. We’ve heard about the crying parents, the terrified siblings, and the confused aunts and uncles.
We’ve probably experienced them too! I know I took my family to hell and back during active addiction. Will I ever really know what they went through though? I decided to interview my family and find out.
My Parents
Sobriety for Women: So, how’d you do it? I probably scared you both to death for years.
Mom: You did, but that’s part of being a parent too. I’m not trying to take you off the hook by any means, but having kids is a terrifying experience to begin with. It doesn’t help if your daughter is abusing drugs, but even if you didn’t cause one problem, I’d still find something to worry about.
Dad: I saw things a little differently. Your mom is absolutely right, being a parent is an exercise in terror. Seeing your kid take drugs and become a drug addict though, that was rough. It was hard being powerless. I didn’t think that I was powerless for a long time either. I thought that if I were just harder on you, you’d clean up. It took some time to get rid of that way of thinking.
S4W: What was it like seeing me in active addiction?
Mom: It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with, maybe the hardest. Your father talked about being powerless to change your behavior and he’s right. Seeing you hurt yourself over and over and not being able to do anything? That was horrible. It was also hard to understand that you were sick. I think addiction causes a lot of anger. I was angry with you for a long time. I’d stay up late, asking myself “why can’t she just stop? Doesn’t she see how much she’s hurting us and herself?”
Dad: Anger was huge for me, too. I couldn’t understand why you kept using drugs. It was easier to be angry than to confront the fact that my daughter might die. That’s something that no parent wants to consider. Seeing you in your addiction was hard too, because I blamed myself for a long time. I thought that your shortcomings were because I hadn’t raised you right. There was a lot of “I should have” and “why didn’t I?” happening.
S4W: So, again, how’d you do it? How’d you cope?
Mom: A lot of praying! I’m not sure, truthfully. It was hard. We have good friends and they helped a lot. None of them had children who dealt with drug addiction though. Your father and I went to a support group for a year or so. It was offered through one of the outpatient centers you went to. That was a lifesaver. Being able to vent about everything that was going on with you, as well as the issues your father and I were having, was priceless. Even better, the other families would talk to us after. They would let us know that they’d been where we were and things got better. It gave me a lot of hope.
Dad: Yeah, the support group helped a lot. One of the things parents of addicts don’t hear about a lot, and something I want them to know, is that your marriage may suffer. It happened to us. We were so wrapped up in trying to help you, that we ignored each other and, after awhile, we became angry with each other. I think we blamed each other for your issues. So, having somewhere to go and find out that we weren’t to blame, that was important.
My Siblings
I asked my brother some similar questions. He’s two years younger than I am.
S4W:What was my addiction like for you?
Little Bro: It was hard. I was pretty pissed at you while you were using and for a long time afterwards, too. We had some of the same friends and hung out with similar people, so I didn’t get why they were fine and you were a mess. It was hard too because I thought I always had to stand up for you. Even though you were older, it felt kind of like I was protecting you. So, that was pretty stressful.
S4W: I bet! I know we didn’t talk at all towards the end of my addiction. What was going through your head then?
Little Bro: I mean, like I said, I was just really pissed at you. I felt like you’d worn down mom and dad. You made them angry and scared all the time. That seemed really unfair to me. Plus, you kept messing up and they were always there to bail you out. It seemed like no matter how much you f**ked up, they’d take care of you and ignore me. Not ignore, but you know what I mean. Like, it seemed that they took for granted that I was always going to be okay, and you never were.
S4W:So, how’d you get over it? How’d you forgive me?
Little Bro:You just earned it. I didn’t forgive you the day you went to rehab, or for like a year afterwards, but down the line I did. You showed you were different. You showed you were a new person and a new sister. I think you reaching out to me helped a lot, too. You wouldn’t let me stay pissed at you!
by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 20, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Firsthand Addiction: What Withdrawal is Really Like
Today, we’re going to explore what withdrawal is really like. You won’t find any catchy medical lingo or D.A.R.E. warnings here. This is one addict sharing her experience, strength, and hope!
My (Many) Withdrawals
It’s no secret I’m a junkie. I don’t hide that part of my life at all. In fact, I wear it as a badge of honor. I survived my addiction and you can survive yours!
Today, I’m a sober junkie, an addict helped by good people, and the grace of God. That wasn’t always the case. For quite a few years, I was the most un-sober junkie around! During this period (I like to call it my blue period, after that J.D. Salinger story), I detoxed more times than I can count.
I went through hell each and every time I was dope sick. Ever detoxed? Well, let me tell you, it sucks! Ever wondered why junkies get crazy when they can’t get high? It isn’t just ‘cause we love drugs (though we certainly do). Junkies get crazy ‘cause they know how hellish withdrawal is.
Now, I’ve heard kicking benzo’s and alcohol are worse, but I don’t have personal experience with those. Yeah, I took a ton of benzo’s, but I was never physically dependent. I drank like a fish, but I never got the shakes if I stopped. If I didn’t do heroin for a few hours though, all bets were off. I was a mess, in literally every sense of the word.
The first symptom to hit me during detox was a runny nose. Pretty innocent, right? Not when you’re leaking buckets of snot and sneezing every ten seconds. Once that started, I knew the reallybad stuff wasn’t far off.
I’d start getting cramps all over my body. My legs, arms, stomach, neck, hands, feet…you name it. My muscles tightened and wouldn’t unclench. Think the worst Charlie-horse imaginable. No amount of hot water or massaging helped.
Then, I’d start vomiting. Like projectile vomiting. Everywhere. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Along with this uncontrollable vomiting, I’d get uncontrollable diarrhea. Look, I know, no one wants to talk diarrhea. It’s a very real part of being dope sick though.
Finally, I’d be weak and shaky all over. You know when you haven’t eaten for like ten hours and your body feels like it’s going to collapse? Yeah, I’d feel like that nonstop.
Signs and Symptoms of Withdrawal
In addition to my very scientific description, find some signs and symptoms of opiate withdrawal below.
• Extreme Anxiety
• Nausea & Vomiting
• Hot and Cold Sweats
• Shaking All Over
• Feeling Weak All Over
• Muscle Aching & Cramping
• Running Nose & Uncontrollable Sneezing
• Diarrhea
• Restless Leg Syndrome (oh boy does this suck!)
• Extreme Irritability
Everyone’s body is different. So, some people may experience different withdrawal effects. This one girl I got high with, when she started to kick opiates, she just spelt for days. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have minded being her!
I’m Going Through Withdrawal and It Sucks: Tips and Tricks For an Easier Withdrawal
This is the part everyone wants to know. How can I make my withdrawal easier? Well, the simple answer is that detoxing from anything sucks. There are some junkie life hacks that help though!
Go to Detox
There are tons of drug and alcohol detoxes out there. Most will taper you off with (relatively) safe medicine. The downside of going to detox is the cost. They’re expensive, with some charging upwards of $2000 a day!
Don’t Use Prescription Drugs
Many prescription drugs help with withdrawal, but don’t use them! Not only are you substituting one addiction for another, but I know I got my prescriptions from street pharmacists. The point of detoxing is to try and change your life. My life didn’t begin to change until I stopped buying pills from sketchy f**kers!
Use OTC Medicines
There are a ton of OTC medicines that help with being dope sick. These include: acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and naproxen (for the aches and pains), Benadryl (for the runny nose and to maybe get some sleep), and Immodium AD (for the diarrhea).
Vitamins are Your Friends
Most vitamins help reduce the symptoms of withdrawal. Think about it like this – the more good stuff you put into your body, the better you’ll feel. Particularly useful during withdrawal are: B-complex vitamins, mega-doses of vitamins C and D, and fish oil capsules. None of these are magic bullets, but they’ll help.
Eat Bananas
Restless Leg Syndrome is caused by a deficiency of potassium. While you could simply take potassium vitamins, eating food also helps ease withdrawal symptoms. So, combine eating food with taking potassium, and you get eating bananas! They’ll make you feel better, trust me.
Force Yourself to Eat
Like I said above, eating helps. Withdrawal takes a lot out of your body. If you’re not putting anything back in it, you’re going to feel even worse! Eating while detoxing sucks and yeah, you’re going to puke most of it up. Whatever you keep down though helps a lot though.
Reach Out
No one wants to be around people when they’re detoxing. Hell, it’s hard enough to make it to the couch! Have supports in place though. Sometimes just talking helps. If you want to reach out to us – shoot an email to info@sobrietyforwomen.com or talk to us on Facebook.
by Fiona Stockard | Jun 25, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Katie Schipper
Getting Over Depression and Anxiety in Early-Recovery
Giving up drugs and alcohol alters our brain chemistry. After all, drugs and booze serve as substitute chemicals, so the brain stops producing its natural ones. It’s going to take a little while for the brain to catch up.
If you go to treatment, there’s a good chance you’ll be put on an anti-depressant of some kind. For a lot of people, medication is a necessary part of recovery. Medication can be lifesaving. Depression and anxiety are often signs of substance abuse, as well as sources. What other tools are there to help ease depression and anxiety?
Exercise Can Ease Pain and Discomfort
Regular exercise is an often overlooked tool for recovery. It’s consistently proven to improve the work of medication, or to work in cases where medication isn’t necessary.
One of the pitfalls of early-sobriety is turning to other outlets in a desperate attempt to ease some of the pain and discomfort of being newly sober. If these outlets were healthy, it wouldn’t be a pitfall. Unfortunately, they usually take the form of co-dependent relationships, food, or other cross-addictions. The problem with these things is that, while they initially appear to be okay, in the longterm they cause harm in much the same way actively drinking and drugging does.
This is where healthy alternatives come into play and make no mistake, there are a lot of healthy alternatives. Exercise is only one of a laundry list. There’s also: new hobbies, meditation, seeking outside help and therapy, building new friendships, and so on. Exercise comes up first on so many lists because its benefits go beyond simply filling time.
Read about how some women get tattoos to deal with depression
Warding off Heath Problems from Addiction
Physically exercise prevents and cures a slew of health problems. It helps keep an increasingly unhealthy population away from heart disease and other preventable illnesses. For the alcoholic and addict in early-recovery, the most incredible benefit of exercise is its use as a natural anxiolytic and antidepressant. It’s important to remember that exercise can be used on its own or in addition to medication. If you take antidepressants, it’s not a good idea to quit without first consulting your doctor.
Is sex a healthy form of exercise?
Release the Endorphins!
On a medical level, exercise releases neurotransmitters and endorphins that are responsible for feeling good. Exercise can also reduce those chemicals responsible for depression. Socially, exercise can change how someone sees themselves. Anything that helps build self-esteem in early-sobriety is a huge plus!
Now, you don’t have to join a gym, start running marathons, or anything crazy. Exercise is as simple as going for a bike ride or walk. It can also become a lifelong hobby or passion, like doing yoga or taking up a sport. The great thing about finding an outlet which involves other people is that it helps ease some of the isolation that accompanies early-sobriety (and absolutely accompanies depression).
Regardless of brain chemistry or scientific research, exercise is a commonsense good idea! The evidence is clear for any woman who attempts to add exercise to her life. It changes energy levels, increases confidence, and the longer someone has an exercise routine, the more benefits manifest themselves. It’s an amazing, and often untapped, tool of early recovery.
