by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 2, 2013 | Benefits of Sobriety
Where Rubber Meets the Road
Hopeless alcoholic and drug addict turns life around. What a great heading! Is it frontline news? Well, not in the Sun Sentinel. At certain times during my sobriety, I’ve felt there should be a parade in my honor. There should be parties and a band celebrating my triumphs. I mean, look at how well I’m doing! I’m young and sober. Days have turned into months and years.
I finished a commitment for the first time in my life! I completed treatment at a women’s treatment center and stayed in an all women’s halfway house. I got a sponsor and worked ALL twelve-steps. I started sponsoring other women, started taking them through the steps. Slowly but surely, I’ve begun to understand the concepts behind the twelve-steps and utilize them in my daily life. Life is good.
I have a relationship with God. I have my family back and we have a better relationship than ever. I have more friends than I know what to do with. I haven’t thought about a drink or drug in quite some time. For some, though, there’s still something missing. I feel like a piece of the puzzle is still in the box, on the shelf, out of reach. I can’t put my finger on it. Then, one day, I thought “I’m sober, now what?”
I’m Sober, Now What?
That question hit me hard. It was the combination of all my fears and anxiety. I have a program of recovery. I’ve gotten back everything I lost through active addiction. But I still feel like summer camp is over!
It’s time to sit down and figure out what else there is. What else did I want from life?
It’s time for me to sit down and figure out what goals, dreams, and ambitions I have.
It’s time for me to sit down and figure out who I am and what I really want.
So, I started to think about what I want from life. First, I want to go back to school. I want to get an education and expand my academic horizons. Let’s start there. Well, I went back to school. It was great! For the first time, I was in college because I wanted to be, not because I had to be! After a few years, I graduate with a B.A. in a field I love.
I start to advance at work and land a job with a decent salary. I begin to learn a lot, both inside and outside of recovery. From here, I expand my goals. I want to open my own business, helping sick and suffering women. So, I do. I learn more, and am more fufilled, by helping others than by anything else.
A lot of times I sit down and talk about life with people in recovery. After a certain point, I believe everyone hits a period on their life where, if all their ducks are in a row, they feel the end of summer camp. At this point, it’s important to remember the sky’s the limit!
Yeah, it sounds cheesy, I know. It’s true though! I never imagined I’d have the life I have today. What about you? Did you ever think you’d have the life you have today? Sobriety is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. BUT, I need to know about life after sobriety!
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 15, 2013 | Drug Addiction
An Explanation For the Addictiveness of Xanax
Anti-anxiety medication has become a huge business in modern society! Among anti-anxiety medication, benzodiazepines are the most popular. Among benzodiazepines, Xanax is the most popular. So, that makes Xanax the most popular (and profitable!) anti-anxiety med.
Just how bad is Xanax addiction? Well, since 1983, it’s been the most frequently prescribed benzo. What does this mean in numbers though? In 2007, over 37.5 million Xanax prescriptions were written. That’s a lot.
See, here’s the thing about using Xanax as the main form of treatment for anxiety – it causes people to become addicted! Xanax addiction isn’t good. It poses significant health hazards, which have yet to be addressed on a large scale. Not to mention, the risk of developing a serious Xanax addiction often goes unspoken, yet the threat is certainly real.
This guide exposes the addictive properties of Xanax and highlights the true dangers of this medication.
Xanax Treats Symptoms, But Ignores Causes
Most benzodiazepines provide immediate relief, in lieu of a permanent solution. This is 100% true of Xanax. Treating anxiety with Xanax fails to address the emotional source of anxiety, instead focusing on altering brain chemistry to improve one’s mood. A burst of instantaneous calm doesn’t promote long-term wellbeing. No, it produces a habitual reliance on the drug. This reliance (often called addiction!) causes a physiological need for the drug, whenever any psychological disturbances occur. After a period of time, often a matter of only a few weeks of daily use, Xanax causes physical addiction as well.
The Xanax induced state of calm isn’t conducive to any productive behavior. It isn’t conducive to learning how to solve stressful situations. Instead, the anti-anxiety effects instill tendencies of lethargic procrastination. Ultimately, this form of Xanax addiction hinders any potential efforts to correct difficult situations.
Withdrawal Effects
Once physical addiction sets in, the lack of Xanax is worse than any level of anxiety the medication was originally designed to treat! Once physically addicted, people without psychological dependency issues, or a family history of addiction, still need to take Xanax to prevent severe physical symptoms of withdrawal. As a result, Xanax addition needs to be patiently combated, instead of a “all at once” form of treatment. Besides an increase in anxiety and agitation, Xanax withdrawal can produce insomnia, nausea, vomiting, nightmares, hallucinations, seizures, and heart failure! Fatal instances of seizure and heart failure have been reported.
Attempting an immediate cessation of Xanax isn’t recommended! A medical detox should always, ALWAYS, be used.
Ease of Access
One of the largest reasons for the epidemic of Xanax addiction is the drug’s widespread availability. Remember, Xanax is the most prescribed benzo, and often used as a cure-all for anything anxiety related. Although the FDA recommends against prescribing Xanax to those with prior addiction issues, histories of substance abuse can be hard to validate. Also, Xanax addiction can be overlooked because the drug is so socially acceptable. Even people that don’t have their own prescriptions can easily obtain Xanax through friends and relatives. The fact that this is illegal doesn’t deter those in the throes of a serious Xanax addiction.
Solutions
Substance abuse treatment exists specifically for the treatment of Xanax, and other, addiction. The safest solution is to first implement a strict taper regimen. This allows Xanax to in your body to slowly leave. This micro-managing method can be self-administered, but it’s wise to seek professional consultation. Follow your taper with inpatient or out-patient treatment.
There are vast support networks available for the treatment of Xanax addiction. Online resources also exist. In fact, this website proves comprehensive information on how to rise above addiction. No one should have to suffer alone with the painful effects of excessive medication reliance. With the right resources, anyone can overcome Xanax addiction.
by Fiona Stockard | May 10, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Benefits of Sobriety
Fun in Sobriety?
The first time I tried to get sober I was 19. This was December, 2006. I’d dropped out of college after the first semester of my sophomore year. I thought I was like every other nineteen year old girl. Turns out, most nineteen year olds can go to class sober. Turns out most nineteen year olds don’t black out every night.
My parents realized long before I did how unmanageable my life was. They sent me to rehab and that’s where I perfected the art of telling people what they wanted to hear, of sliding under the radar. I wanted to have the willingness to get sober, but the truth is, I just didn’t. See, getting sober wasn’t worth it to me. I thought you couldn’t have fun in sobriety. I wouldn’t get sober for another five and a half years.
During this time, I didn’t much fun at all. I laughed sometimes, but always at the expense of someone else. I laughed because making fun of someone else made me feel better about myself. I gossiped because it made me feel better about myself.
Fake Fun in Fake Sobriety
I had periods of abstinence during those five plus years, but never actually worked a program. I couldn’t imagine a life without drugs or alcohol, let alone being able to have fun sober.
The truth is, during those periods of abstinence, I still had all my old behaviors. I lied, cheated, stole, and manipulated. I just didn’t use substances. I felt even worse during this time, if that makes sense. I didn’t have drugs to cover my feelings. I was a raw nerve and living a miserable existence. I remember doing activities that should have been fun. I even thought I was having fun sometimes. Really, I was just trying to fake it ’till I made it.
I thought if I didn’t change my attitude, or behaviors, but laughed when other people did, it might rub off on me. That didn’t happen. After awhile, I didn’t think sober people could have fun at all. I thought everyone else was doing what I was, faking a happy life. So, I went on one hell of a run. I used for a year and a half. During this time, some very close to me passed away. It was only then that I began to realize my crippling addiction. It was only then I began to realize I didn’t want to live this way anymore.
Real Fun in Real Sobriety
My sobriety date is January 17, 2011. I got sober on my 24th birthday. I’d love to say that I did the right thing from the start, that I finally had willingness, but I didn’t. I had to experience more pain, this time while in treatment, to become willing.
I was in an intensive inpatient treatment center for seven months. After about six months, I found what would become, and still is, my home group. I remember going to this meeting and seeing so many young people smiling, so many young people having fun. The crazy part was they were sober! You mean I can have fun in sobriety? This was a new idea for me. I saw clients returning from pass with sober-supports. They were happy and looked like they were having fun. This boggled my mind. I asked myself hundreds of times “are they really having fun in sobriety?”
I realized these people were only happy because they’d worked through the twelve-steps and found a new way of life. I decided I wanted what they had. I got a sponsor who began to take me through the steps. Eventually, I did a fifth step and learned my life had been driven by self-centered fear. I started going out with people after meetings. I slowly began to have fun in sobriety.
Still, I wasn’t 100% sure what people actually did for fun in sobriety. I soon learned, you do the same thing normal people do! You go out to dinner, to movies, to concerts, to friends’ houses. To this day, some of the best moments I’ve had have been sitting at a friend’s apartment, just talking and laughing.
I remember being in a friend’s car one day. We were joking around, laughing, and generally having a good time. He looked at me and said “If I knew sobriety was this fun, I’d have gotten sober a long time ago!” I couldn’t agree more. I thank God everyday for finding me a home in Alcoholics Anonymous. I think God everyday for the simple fact that I can be happy. I thank God everyday for being able to have fun in sobriety.
by Sally Rosa | Feb 28, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Sobriety For Women
How One Woman Got Sober
“I took my first drink at thirteen. I knew I was an alcoholic from the very start. I took two shots, threw my phone at someone, and fell off my bike. That was foreshadowing the way my drinking career went.”
My story is my perspective. No matter what the facts are, or how other people saw it, what I experienced was very real for me. I never realized I victimized myself and used self-pity, when I could look at life another way.
I wish I could talk to the little, scared girl I used to be. I wish I could let her know everything will be okay. I let my fear of people, of what they thought, run my life. I wasted a good chunk of my life trying to please everyone, trying to control what they thought. I recently learned that’s out of my control anyway!
Through working the Twelve-Steps, and practicing the principals I learned in all my affairs, fear is starting to dwindle away. I feel free for the first time in my life. My character defects aren’t completely gone, after all, I’m only human. Today, I can truly say that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me greater peace of mind than any drug, than any drink, ever did.
My Childhood
I was born on June 21, 1989, in Queens, NY. I was adopted by loving parents who couldn’t have kids on their own. We soon moved to a small town called Suffern.
From a very young age, I remember feeling like something was wrong with me. I just couldn’t put my finger on what. I felt alone, even when surrounded by people. I was impulsive and not the favorite of my friends’ parents! I wasn’t raised with many rules or boundaries, so when I went to a friend’s house, I wasn’t on my best behavior. I didn’t understand rules applied to me. I thought I was special. So, when I’d hear parents, teachers, and baby-sitters complain to my mom, I started to think I was defective. I was clumsy too. If I spilled food or a drink, I’d be yelled at and sent to my room for hours. All this added up to me thinking I was a bad kid. I remember asking myself “why can’t I just be like everyone else?”
Like most addicts, I’m selfish by nature. So, when my brother was born, I saw him as a bother. I was jealous of the attention he got simply for being sweet and quiet. Meanwhile, I was a loud, energetic mess. See that self-pity and victimization happening? I never knew how to connect with people. It didn’t help that I was severely bullied as a child. I was bullied up until I was about seventeen actually. I never stood up for myself, all I wanted was to be liked, so I was an easy target. I’d laugh the jokes off, go home and take out my anger on my family.
My Family
I was raised in a very chaotic house. There was a lot of yelling and hitting, and that was how I learned to express myself. My parents would also fight, then leave the hours for long periods. They’d say they were never coming back. This, mixed with being adopted, left me with abandonment issues, which I still continue to work on. All I could think was “if I do something wrong, this person is going to give up on me and leave me forever.” I realize today that not everyone has to like me, but I struggled with it for years.
As for being adopted, I didn’t have any contact with my birth-family. I didn’t feel emotionally connected to my adopted family. This left me feeling alone and unwanted. One of the many things AA’s given me is a sense of belonging. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m part of a family. I feel loved, which makes it easier to love myself. I’m getting ahead of myself though.
Active Addiction
I took my first drink at thirteen. I knew I was an alcoholic from the very start. I took two shots, threw my phone at someone, and fell off my bike. That was foreshadowing the way my drinking career went. I’d get wasted, get in a fight, and drive home drunk (until I lost my license at eighteen, for getting two DWI’S in six months). I started doing cocaine at fifteen. I had a new set of friends and a new boyfriend. Things were looking up! As soon as I started doing coke, I quit my cheerleading squad and lost most of my friends from middle school.
All I cared about was getting high and being with my boyfriend. I started to get panic attacks and ended up with prescriptions to Klonopin and Xanax. This made getting high ever easier. I used anything I could to change the way I felt. I didn’t want to be alone and scared, I wanted to be a part of something. Drinking and doing coke were the only ways I knew to be a part of anything. I finally had an identity as the party girl, the girl who could get drugs. I was so proud of myself at the time. Looking back, I fell bad for myself. I thought drugs and a reputation would bring me happiness and comfort. They did, but only for a short time. My life fell apart pretty quick. My boyfriend became abusive, I started skipping school, and my best friend slept with my boyfriend.
After a string of hospital visits, arrests, and getting in trouble at school, I was sent to my first rehab. I was a senior in high school. I wanted things to get better, to fix my life, but I wasn’t ready to quit drugs and alcohol for good. I didn’t think that was the problem. After being in treatment for four months, I began to use again. This went on for four more years. I hit a few more bottoms along the way. I was arrested, crashed cars, and got kicked out of community college. I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I was the problem.
So, I moved to NYC to attend school as a makeup artist. I thought if I left the area where I knew all the drug dealers, maybe I’d get better. Guess what? I was wrong. I found drugs in NYC pretty fast and was back to my old routine. I partied every night instead of going to class. I managed to get a few jobs acting and promoting, but they fell through after I began to miss shoots. Once again, I was consumed by getting high. I had to move home and quit school.
Then two of my friends died. One died suddenly, the other shot himself. As if that wasn’t enough, I was at my friend Tara’s house when her dad also died suddenly. I used these events as a reason to drink more than I ever had before. I went on a four month bender of cocaine, alcohol and Roxi’s. At the end of my bender, I went missing for two days and finally stumbled home. I looked like I was about to die. I was about to die. I finally told my mom that I needed help. Three days later, I was on a plane to Florida. This is where my real journey of recovery started.
Florida
I arrived at a treatment center on February 21st, 2011, determined to stay sober. My sobriety date is July 29, 2012. Clearly, I still had challenges ahead.
I was in treatment for nine months. I started to look at events from my childhood and how those events shaped my life. I shared things I’d never talked to anyone about. This was a great start, but I had to do more. I had to forgive the people who hurt me, leave my past in the past, and look towards a brighter future. I had to realize that, on my own, I sell myself short. I’m worth something. I can contribute to other people. I don’t have to let my people pleasing attitude, or my social anxiety, run my life! I didn’t realize all of this right away though.
I got out of treatment and relapsed. I managed to put together another six months sober, but ended up relapsing again. The second time, I worked steps and was sponsoring women. I wasn’t taking care of myself or my program though. I stopped praying, started skipping meetings, and starting going to clubs all the time. Once again, I got wrapped up in caring only what other people thought of me, not what I thought of myself. To put it another way, my behavior relapsed long before I drank. I also got involved in an unhealthy relationship. I lived in fear of him leaving me. I never felt good enough for him, or anyone else. I let the way he treated me determine how I felt about myself. If he texted me, I was happy. If he didn’t, I was depressed.
I had other issues from my past pop up. I didn’t tell anyone that these things still consumed my mind. Finally, I got honest and told my new sponsor everything. I finally felt free. I let go of my fear of being judged and laid everything on the table. That was July 23rd, 2012. I used on July 28. I didn’t tell my sponsor until a month later! I was embarrassed that I used after everything I’d been through. After I came clean with my sponsor, everything changed.
I began to pray everyday, even if I didn’t want to. I shared what was on my mind, even when I wanted to keep it close. I reached out to others, even when I wanted to wallow in self-pity. I went to meetings and helped others when I could. I wasn’t perfect, but I tried my best. I made mistakes, but promptly told my sponsor about them. I worked the steps honestly. It wasn’t easy, but I got through it. The only thing I did do perfectly was not to use, no matter what.
I’ve been through a lot in the past year. I lost a close friend to this disease. My uncle died recently. My birth-mom, who I recently got in touch with, didn’t send me a birthday card and doesn’t reach out to me. In the past, I would’ve used over all these things. Today, I know my higher power is watching over me and I make sure to stay in conscious contact.
The Blessings of Sobriety
I have friend who’ve been by my side through thick and thin. They’re always there for me. I’ve built a strong foundation in my sobriety. I have a sponsor I can call for anything. I have about twenty-five solid, sober people I can call for anything. I go to meetings everyday. Most importantly, I help other women. I have sponsee’s and I bring women from treatment to meetings. Today, I give back and help people, like others help me in early sobriety. I actually listen to people and help them with my experience. I have a higher power that will never abandon me. My higher power is mine and no one else’s. I have a healthy relationship with my parents and talk to them daily. I have so many friends in recovery who love me, and I love them!
I do so many fun things in sobriety. After all, I didn’t get sober to be bored! I can go anywhere without fear of picking up a drink or drug. I go to the movies, bowling, on adventures, cruises – the possibilities are endless! I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. I still struggle with my work ethic and figuring out what I want to do with my life. I’m sure of one thing though, that I’ll be okay. Nothing is worth using over, nothing. No one can make me use, no one. I determine, through my actions, how my day goes. No one else controls my mood, or makes me feel a certain way. I have that power now and I give it up to God.
As long as I’m helping others, and working an honest program, I’ll be okay. Sure, I’m going to fall short sometimes. I’m okay with that. I’ll go through pain, but I realize if I handle it right, I’ll grow. I’m starting to understand the real meaning of love and peace of mind.
I’m happier than I ever was while using. I feel at home for the first time in my life. AA’s given me everything I’ve ever needed and wanted (and not only materially, but emotionally!). I have respect for myself and others, a new family, and my life has meaning. I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m excited to find out. I know I have an amazing foundation in my sobriety. I love being sober and I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences, good or bad, for anything. I know that I can help others because of who I am today. As the Big Book says, “how dark it is before the dawn.” No matter how bad things seem to be, or how bad of a day it is, I’ve learned if I push through, the next day can be amazing. I just need to stick it out and have faith that everything happens for a reason. I have a good thing going here and I owe it all to Alcoholics Anonymous and my higher power.
It’s a miracle that I’m sober. I’m eternally grateful for this program and everyone in it who has helped me along my journey. If I can do it, anyone can!
–Dana K
