by A Women in Sobriety | Jan 26, 2017 | 12 Steps, Addiction Treatment, Blog, Drug Addiction
My Drug Rehab Was My Moment Shine
I thought doing cocaine at lunch was normal when I was 16. It actually seemed like the only normal thing about me at the time. Men attracted me I thought, but at the same time, was attracted to women. My family situation was, complicated. My Dad lived at home but my Mother and him were definitely NOT together. They never spoke and both worked late. I took care of Emily, my little sister as we the train each morning into the city for school. This is where I would get my drugs and this is where my addiction would hold me tight. So tight, I couldn’t breath. Day after day my New York City routine continued. I continued to reach out for an adult hand to hold but that continued to fail. My parents failed me too. It was not their fault, they worked so hard for Emily and I. I was my decision to turn to promiscuity, cocaine and alcohol. It was their decision to send me to drug rehab.
I attended Substance Abuse Treatment with Emily in ICU
Throughout my life I had become accustomed to heartbreak. Most of the men I dated left me because I never, “seemed into them.” Most women left me because, “I couldn’t commit.” What never left me what alcohol and drugs. I loved them and drugs and alcohol loved me. They always did what they said they were going to do, get me wasted. So for my entire 4 years in high school I got drunk. My grades slipped, my appearance downgraded from a 7 to a 3. Over the course of my use I only felt pain once, the night before I went to drug rehab. Emily my sweet 12 year-old, pigtailed, perfect little sister tried my cocaine. I was putting my coke in pixie stix in case my parents decided to be parents. Emily went into my purse and tried one. I was being admitted to into a substance abuse treatment facility in Florida before she left the hospital.
I Was Broken Alone and Addicted
I held my pillow and pretended it was Emily every night in drug rehab. Some nights I could swear the pillow hugged me. I almost killed the only person that cared about me I thought. For the first 2 days of substance abuse treatment I stayed in bed. Unable to face what I had become. Then, all of the staff of my drug rehab came into the room. They told me Emily was going to live, but if I didn’t quit drugs, I would die.
The Drug Rehab Mirror Showed Me My Soul
My therapist, my sweet angel, made me face the mirror in the bathroom of my substance abuse treatment center. She made me look into my own eyes and scream, “You need to take a chance!” Over and over I screamed, “You need to take a chance.” I screamed probably 30 or 40 times. I was crying like a baby and was pilled up on the floor like dirty towel. The therapist left room and said, “We Only Regret The Chances We Didn’t Take.”
My Life Was Saved Through Recovery
Today Emily is 18 and she will be attending Rice University in the fall. She is my best friend and was my maid of honor when I married Meaghan last spring. I’ve been sober over 6 years and it’s because one day someone told me to do one thing, Take A Chance.
by A Women in Sobriety | Jan 19, 2017 | 12 Steps, Addiction Treatment, Blog, Drug Addiction
After New Year’s Eve, I needed To Go to Addiction Rehab
It started out like any other night out. My girlfriends and I got together at my apartment to get ready to go out for New Year’s Eve. We made some mixed drinks to sip on while we did our hair and turned on Pandora. They all had a blast getting ready and barely touched their drinks. I sipped from my glass with a keen eye on theirs making sure to never let my cocktail dip lower than theirs. To supplement my buzz I kept 2 grams of coke in car and a half bottle of vodka. I’d sneak out the back door every few minutes while the rest of my friends oblivious to my covert actions, babbled and over applied eye liner inside. Looking back on last night I felt more alone inside the house with my friends than I did in the car alone with my coke and vodka. As I sat in the car in the back of mind my it felt like, this may be the last time I get high, this may be my last drink. It wasn’t dark yet, but was getting’ there and stint in an addiction rehab center seemed to be inevitable.
You See Social Drinking, I See Drug and Alcohol Abuse
I drove to the club because I needed to be able to get back out to my supply. I was in no shape to drive but I promised I would. They all sang stupid songs in the back seat whole I just tried to keep the car between the lines. My mind kept racing back to the idea of going to addiction rehab. Nothing was fun anymore. While everyone else was having fun without having to worry about pacing themselves, I was managing my drug and alcohol abuse every second of the day.
Rehab on My Mind, With A Needle in My Hand
When we walked in the club the girls all ran on the dance floor making duck faces and dancing like strippers. I took 3 shots of vodka to try and calm my heart that was pounding out of my chest. It didn’t work so I took 3 more shots and then ran to my car. Outside jimmy was waiting for me. He’s been my dealer since the incident I had with my last one ended in a rape charge. Jimmy suggested I shoot a bit of heroin to level off. Drug and alcohol abuse run in his family so he doesn’t use he just deals. Super moral guy. I sat in my car with a needle in my hand with the idea of addiction rehab
Rushing through my brain. I shrugged it off, watched a you tube video on how to shoot heroin and stuck the needle in.
I Wish I Was Dead, But I’ll Settle for Addiction Rehab
I had never shot heroin before. I’ll never do it again. I stumbled back in the club, I remember seeing my friend’s eyes looking as big a CD’s I tried to grab the bar but missed, my head hit the bar I fell to the floor and started to puke. They told me my lips were blue. They said I looked dead, they said they can’t hang out with me anymore. I had Overdosed on heroin and I wish I was dead. Tomorrow I’ll head to addiction rehab in Florida. I’m scared, nervous and sad. I’m also just a tiny bit excited. I’ve seen the site before at my sisters house so, in an effort to keep the bottle out of my hand for the next few hours I thought I would write this all down and hope it can help others struggling with Drug and alcohol abuse. Take Care.
by Sally Rosa | Dec 8, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Addiction Treatment
A Florida Drug Rehab Story
I think I prostituted my self for the first time at age 15. I remember being in my Florida drug rehab and my mom asking me if I was scared the first time sold my body. I told her I wasn’t, because… I wasn’t. I entered the Motel 6, just off the Garden Sate Parkway in Paramus not excited to have sex with the over-weight 40-yearold man in front of me, not scared, just numb. All I could think about was the fact that the fat science teacher in front of me had the cash that was going to get me high tonight, so no I wasn’t scared Mom. Saying those words to my Mother back in that Florida drug rehab changed her, she knew I was sick.
Heroin Detox Was My First God Moment
I knew I was sick too. A simple root canal and a prescription of percocet took me from being the class president of the 7th grade at East Brook Middle School in Paramus to the heroin hooker of the Garden State Parkway. I wandered the back alleys and by ways for 3 years, never once thinking about calling home to my Mother and Father. While other girls my age dreamed of going to Disney world my dream was a trip to a Florida drug rehab or heroin detox. Then one night after there was no blood left in my forehead I woke to the warm hospital bed at Bergen Regional to the sight of my Mom and Dad. I looked like a Halloween street walker, because I was a Halloween street walker, it’s just that it was only February. My parents stayed with me for the night and then when I could walk they helped me into the local Heroin Detox Center and then eventually, that wonderful Florida drug rehab.
My Heart Breathed Without Heroin For The First Time
The pain of heroin detox was horrible at first, but then the medication seemed to help and a simple phrase from an overly zealous AA girl at a meeting they brought to my Florida drug rehab set it. The phrase was, “Don’t Quit Before The Miracle Happens”. Someone other than myself was admitting that there were such things as miracles. Everyday that I dragged my skin across the pavement of Paramus, everyday that I longed for the needle to break and set me free, I prayed for aFlorida drug rehab, I prayed for a heroin detox to fall down on me like a miracle from heaven. You see my addiction was so strong it keot me from saying, “I Need Help.”
I Needed A Miracle And Rehab Was It!
When you think of rehab as Disney World and the most fun you have ever had was the night the slob you slept with didn’t punch you in the face, drug rehab in Florida is a dream come true. Heroin detox was a dream come true. My life that I made for my self had been so horrible that I clang to and devoured the treatment that so many girls run from. Today I am sober over 7 years, have a beautiful daughter named Hope and I owe it all to my Magic Kingdom, the Florida drug rehab where I was born and raised a new in recovery. Don’t quit ‘til the miracle happens.
by Fiona Stockard | Apr 2, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Addiction Treatment
Heroin Addict or Heroin Dealer?
I just read the story of Matthew, a twenty-four year old heroin addict from Texas. Matthew, like many of today’s addicts, was brought up in a solid middle-class household. He’s from a suburb of Dallas and went to a good high school.
Matthew has also been in prison for three years for the sale and distribution of heroin. As of writing this, he’s probably a free man. The article I read was written in mid 2014, just as he was about to be released.
Matthew, I hope you’re free from actual prison and the self-imposed prison of addiction!
Matthew’s story resonated with me because his story could have easily been mine. To hear him tell it, he only sold heroin to support his own habit. How many of us addicts and alcoholics have been in a similar situation? I know I sure have!
While I never sold heroin, I did engage in illegal activities to support my addiction. I’m not proud of that fact, but it’s the simple truth. I’m pretty certain I’m not alone in my actions either. In a society that marginalizes addiction, what other option do addicts have?
While reading it, Matthew’s story raised a number of questions. Should addicts be treated the same as high profile drug dealers? Should addicts be sent to jail instead of the treatment we so desperately need?
Find Matthew’s story below. I hope it touches you all as much as it touched me!
A Quick Downward Spiral
Matthew was introduced to heroin in high school. This was the mid-2000’s and a drug called “cheese” was all the rage. Cheese, for those who may not remember, was a popular form of black tar heroin mixed with Tylenol PM.
After becoming addicted, Matthew started selling small amounts of cheese to support his habit. He’s quoted as saying, “I started selling twenties, thirties, whatever. Mainly to friends and people at my high school. Just some small-time dealing” (Huffington Post).
I can relate to that! Again, I never sold heroin, but I certainly wasn’t a saint during my addiction. I lied, stole, and sold whatever I could get my hands on, narcotic or otherwise.
As his addiction grew, Matthew began to inject heroin. He’s quoted as saying, “I went from snorting to shooting in like six months. I never thought I’d be using a needle. People started off looking for powder and before you know it, you’re going to upgrade” (Huffington Post).
Again, I can relate. I started out swallowing pills. Before long, I moved to sniffing them. Not long after, I was introduced to heroin and fell prey to the needle, as so many addicts do.
Matthew was selling cheese to maintain his personal habit. He soon sold to the wrong buyer, though. The Huffington Post reports,
“It ended when he made some sales to an undercover agent who infiltrated his circle of friends. The DEA was targeting dealers selling to high school students…He’d been using and selling for little more than two years.”
I was addicted to heroin for two years too. From seventeen to nineteen, my life was a train wreck of dishonesty, broken promises, petty crime, and disappointment. Thankfully, I didn’t end up in prison like Matthew, though it was a very real possibility.
Treatment Not Jail
At nineteen years old, I went to an inpatient treatment center. It was my second in as many years. I was spared the punishment Matthew received. I was afforded a real chance at the so-called rehabilitation that prisons claims to offer.
Imagine if all those who need treatment received it! Imagine if instead of prison, addicts were offered substance abuse treatment! What a difference that would make!
Sadly, that’s not the world we live in. It is, however, a worthy goal to work towards. Organizations like Faces & Voices of Recovery are advocating for addiction laws to be changed nationwide.
And that’s just one advocacy group! There are thousands more like them across the world, all with one common goal – to break the misunderstanding and stigma surrounding addiction and recovery.
What a great goal! If even a small number of these groups succeed, I believe we’ll see a real shift away from jailing addicts and towards offering affordable treatment options.
Imagine if Matthew was placed in rehab instead of jail. Then, maybe he’d be writing this essay today. Maybe he’d be offering his experience and strength to the still sick and suffering addict. We can only hope.
by A Women in Sobriety | Jun 9, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Sobriety For Women
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about something with an uncertain outcome. Who here has ever experienced some form of anxiety? I bet most everyone reading this has. I certainly have. Anxiety is both a mental and a physical disorder that affects billions of people worldwide.
Anxiety, Addiction, and Recovery
Addiction and anxiety occur together all the time. In fact, studies show that most addicts suffer from some form of anxiety. This anxiety could take the form of:
-Social Anxiety
-Phobias
-Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
-Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
-Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
For years, addicts mask these anxieties by using and engaging in other unhealthy behaviors. This temporarily removes the discomfort that accompanies anxiety. Addicts are often asked if their anxiety existed before their addiction, or if their addiction caused their anxiety. This is like asking which came first, the chicken or the egg? In the end, does it really matter? As long as both anxiety and addiction are being treated, who cares which came first?
Amanda, five years sober from heroin, admits her constant struggle with anxiety. “When I experience anxiety, it’s an overwhelming physical symptom. I begin to experience a rapid heartbeat, excessive sweating, and headaches. It’s often unbearable.” When asked how she handles her anxiety, she states, “I do breathing exercises I was taught. I breathe in for five seconds, hold my breath for five seconds, and breathe out for five seconds. I repeat this about ten times, or ’till my breathing slows down and my heartbeat settles back to a normal pace.”
Anxiety and Recovery: Should Medication be Prescribed?
This question is often posed. Amanda claims that when she experiences an anxiety attack, she has the tools she needs without medication. She believes her anxiety stems from a spiritual disconnect, which can be corrected by working a twelve-step program. However, everyone’s unique. Other addicts may be unable to function without proper medical treatment.
“I’m like another person when I’m not on my medication,” states Dana, an addict with 18 months sober. “I’ve suffered from anxiety my entire life. When I take my medication, as prescribed from my doctor, only then is it manageable. It’s not something that God or any other activity can correct. I need outside help.”
Outside help is always an option for the addict who suffers anxiety. The first step is to identify if we are self-inflicting these feelings, or if they’re coming from another source, something outside of our control. It’s important the sufferer understand what anxiety they suffer from and how it affects them.
Anxiety is never fun. It’s uncomfortable and unsettling to those who experience it. It’s important to understand that there IS a solution to this discomfort, once you’re able to identify the causes and conditions it stems from.
