by A Women in Sobriety | Jun 12, 2017 | Addiction Articles, Addiction Treatment, Blog
Truly Helping a Drug Addict or Alcoholic
Helping, truly helping, a drug addict or an alcoholic is one of the hardest things in life to do. Any parent, spouse or friend of someone in active addiction can confirm that watching a person you deeply care about gamble with their life is emotionally, spiritually and physically challenging. The fact is that most of the time we, the people who love our addicts more than they love themselves, seem to have gone out of the way to help the individual struggling on several occasions and have been filled with a renewed sense of hope. This hope was soon crushed as the behaviors of our loved ones continued to remain the same and the eventual relapse soon arrived on the horizon. After numerous attempts of this repeated cycle many are left wondering what are the best ways to help an addict get clean and sober?
1. Understand Addiction
It is best to understand what addiction is and that your loved one is struggling with a problem much stronger than something they can overcome on their own. Quite often friends and family members are hurt or angry with a drug addict or alcoholic that they love when they are unable to stay clean and sober. You should understand that a relapse has nothing to do with them not caring enough about you or that drugs and alcohol is more important to them than you are. Once you have a better understanding of what addiction is you will be much more effective in helping a drug addict or an alcoholic become willing to get help, and hopefully commit to going to a drug addiction treatment center.
2. Talk to the Addict
Being a close friend or family member of an addict you should not hide the fact that you know the addict is using drugs again. Often loved ones are uneasy about how to approach an addict who is on drugs and if they should confront them on their illicit drug use. Due to the deaths rates in the United States and the number of daily over doses due to heroin and other illicit drugs not speaking to your loved one regarding their drug use is one of the worst things you can do. Speaking to them in a calm and genuine manner about how you feel and that you want to support them getting better is the best way to help an addict feel not attacked during these discussions. Drug addicts already have a lot of guilt, shame and denial about their drug use and may use these talks as an opportunity to get defensive so it is important as the person of influence to stay on target in the discussion. The goal is to not let anger cloud your judgment and to speak with love and empathy. You can advise him or her that you will do anything you can to help them get well, but you will not support negative behaviors which lead to more use. Some common examples of negative behaviors are: giving an active drug user money, providing a place to stay, hiding things from your spouse, going against your boundaries, etc.
3. Get Support for Yourself
One of the best ways to help an addict is to also get healthier yourself. There are numerous support groups for spouses, children of alcoholics and family members of addicts all over the country that provide a network of support to help deal with the pain and obstacles that addiction brings on. When speaking to your loved one about supporting them getting well, you are really asking them to get help for their drug addiction. An addict will most likely be unable to get clean and sober without some form of outside help from agencies such as medical professionals, a drug addiction treatment center or a support group of their own.
The best way to help an addict is to do everything you can to regain control of the situation and to not delay. Addiction is progressive and will only get worse over time. The drugs being consumed today are much stronger than they were in the decades before, and the drug users are getting addicted much younger and much faster. Do everything you can to seek professional help from a drug addiction treatment center or qualified professional to get the help your loved one needs.
by Sally Rosa | May 31, 2017 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles, Blog, Recovery, Sobriety For Women
Date a Drug Addict?
Ok so, here’s the deal, I’m not gonna sugar coat this, or blow smoke up your tits for 20 minutes I’m just gonna get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic, or drug addict. “But Fiona, what if they relapse?”
Shut up.
The core of this whole issue of should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy is the word normal. No one, not one soul is normal and the one you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley. Nobody is normal, we all have our issues and that is why you should date some one in recovery, because you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental ass they do, but the cool thing is they will tell you what those issues are. People in recovery love to talk about how fucked up they are, it helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.
Working on Issues
Also the cool thing is that you know they are working on these issues and that they use them to fuel recovery, It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt and eat sour patch kids and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.” Instead they say, “When I used to drink I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat sour patch kids, I’m very ashamed of it but if someone can relate to it or if my story helps them in any way then it was worth it.” Now that’s how you explain doing stupid shit when you were wasted.
Becoming a Better Person
The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or a recovering druggie is that everyday the are working on becoming a better person. You are on the ground floor of what could be one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world ever! People who truly are in recovery get better and better everyday, now, so called normal people, the don’t do that. Normal people, you know what I hate that, lets call them Robots. Robots sit in their cubicles or corner offices talking about their material possessions or the stock market or last night’s game or the PTA meeting and it repeats for years and years. Never do they really help people, never do they really open up. They don’t get better, Robots only get worse.
Dating Robots
Robots can live their entire lives seeming to be a normal robot, “Oh Pastor Mark, he is such a kind a companionate robot.” Bullshit, Pastor Mark has been banging the pool boy for 10 years, smoking meth behind the waffle house and in his spare time he tells you all bible stories from the alter. Oh and one more thing, Pastor make is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats sour patch kids and has no plans of stopping.
Robots are always going to be robots, they hide there faults, live in secret and present fake lives to the world.
Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them and strive to make themselves and the world a better place.
So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?
If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.
If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some sour patch kids.
by A Women in Sobriety | Feb 23, 2017 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Stories from Women in Sobriety
Submitted By Frances
At a Crossroads
I have made it over two years without taking a drink and yet hours ago I found myself at a crossroads. I was at the supermarket staring down a six-pack of beer as if the liquid inside those dark bottles had all of the answers. I pictured myself bringing the six-pack home, treating the bottles as if they were royalty, taking a swig and feeling my insides melt in warm, delight. This is day two of wanting to drink. Yesterday, as I admired park goers lounging around enjoying an alcoholic beverage my insides screamed for a drink with an intensity that rivaled early sobriety. But, as the urge splashed over me I closed my eyes tightly and remembered that the past two years without alcohol have given me life, interests other than drinking and, most importantly, joy.
Life
Yes, my sobriety has given me life, but sometimes life is not easy. Lately I have had trouble making decisions about the future and this weekend my body wanted a drink because it understands (more than I do) the instant relief that comes from drinking. But, no matter how strong the desire, taking that drink is no longer an option. I have way too much to lose and past experience tells me that there is no negotiation on whether drinking will or won’t wipe away the ability to even have freedom to make decisions in the first place. In the not too distant past I was under the impression that after I quit drinking life would be a breeze. That hasn’t been the case. But, I’ve learned that even though some weekends are harder than others drinking will not eliminate any difficulties I experience. This time around I am willing to fight for my sobriety and give myself the chance to see what life is like without drinking. How will I ever know what sober me is like if I shut the door on her. Alcohol will always be waiting for me, but time will not.
by A Women in Sobriety | Feb 16, 2017 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Drug Addiction
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Defined My Life
“One small step for man, one giant leap for man kind.” That Neil Armstrong quote hung above my Dad’s desk in our home since I was a little girl. It hung right next to the flag Mr. Armstrong gave him after he got back from the moon. My Dad worked at NASA his whole life and that quote always had a huge impact on me. I used to look up at it and say, “One small step for other women on giant leap for Brianna.” Of course I was talking about my own mission fighting alcohol and drug abuse.
I started smoking weed with friends at age 13, I was super tall and impossibly skinny and did it just to fit in. Soon while on a student exchange program in Norway I started drinking and didn’t stop for over 6 years. In New England there isn’t much to do in the winter other than get laid and drink and since I was 5 feet taller than all the guys had no choice but to just drink. I kept to weed and alcohol for a while but when I went to college to study graphic design my alcohol and drug abuse really took off. In my first week at school I tried, crack Cocaine, cocaine, OxyContin, shrooms and heroin. Heroin was my favorite. I was an everyday heroin user for about a year. I couldn’t do a single thing without heroin bursting through my veins.
A Women’s Recovery Center, A Good but Lame Idea
I didn’t want to stop, well I did, I just didn’t want to lose the one huge benefit of doing heroin, getting laid. Sounds weird right? Well, remember it was hard for me to get guys because I am like 7 foot tall and 15 pounds. When I was hanging out with dudes on heroin everyone wanted to sleep with me. I felt important and dead at the same time. So finally when the alcohol and drug abuse showed up on my parents doorstep in the form of me in handcuffs, a women’s recovery center seemed like a good but lame idea.
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Found Me Again
I needed men, I craved them. It was like my alcohol and drug abuse problem had been replaced by hard abs and a heart beat. I want to say I learned a lot from the women’s recovery center I attended in Florida but I didn’t. All I learned was that I still wanted more of everything.
I woke Up in Detox and I knew I Would Never Use Again
A year or so would pass after my first stint in a women’s recovery center and I would end up back out on the streets, homeless, sleeping in the rafters of old abandoned taverns and doing anything for the next high. Alcohol and Drug abuse had re-entered my life and I could see that I was dying. I was scared naked and sleeping in an abandoned factory that was covered in graffiti. I had enough. I called my Mom and Dad and went to detox. When I awoke, for some reason, for some strange reason A feelings came over my body and I knew, I would now use again. I went to an all women’s recovery center, did the deal and have been sober for 7 years. You see, I always tried things my way, so finally I decided When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left. Left was recovery.
by A Women in Sobriety | Feb 9, 2017 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Stories from Women in Sobriety
Submitted By Ashley L
I was only 17
My addiction started when I was 17 years old I met a guy who was into using drugs and started using cocaine at 17 I come from a very normal home my father was a minister and my mother was a stay-at-home mom 18 I got pregnant with my first child I didn’t use when I was pregnant with him he was born 10 weeks early and only weighed 3 pounds I got pregnant a month after he was born and I had another son as well during this time I didn’t really use 18 months later I had a daughter when she was 6 weeks old I started taking prescription pain pills and smoking marijuana I can’t tell you when I really discovered that I was addicted by the time I knew it I couldn’t stop my kid’s dad was in and out of jail cps had got called and they drug tested me and I had to get clean or lose my kids.
30 days clean, free and clear…
I was clean for 30 days and they closed the case, probably 20 mins after they closed it I was using again. I stared stealing to afford my addiction and was caught I went to jail overnight and bonded out the next day and not even one month later I was caught again I spent 5 days in jail and was released while on probation I failed numerous drug test and spend a couple months in jail at a time I had to sign guardianship of my children over to their grandma my mother-in-law I served all my time in jail and was released without probation I really thought I was going to get out and get my life together and get my children back I stayed clean for about 3 months then ran into old friends and started using again by this time we are using heroin because it’s cheaper than pain pills I was out of jail for maybe a year using the whole time and having nothing to do with my children I worked at a hotel where I was stealing people’s credit card information I was picked up and questioned by police.
Something had to change
I knew I had to change this was not the life for me, I was staying with random people and I didn’t have a place to call home at one point I just wanted to die. I even told my mom that, because I was so low in my addiction that I thought everyone’s life would be a better place if I wasn’t around. I can only imagine what that did to my mother hearing me say that…. I started praying to God that I get to where I need to be in life and one day an old friend showed up to where I was staying (I don’t even know how he knew where I was) and offered to help me get treatment so I took it. It was Jan 27th 2014 my daughter’s birthday. I went to her party and left that night for rehab, I completed 30-day inpatient and by this time I had a warrant for my arrest I went home for 3 days spent time with my family and kids. And turned myself in though the jail. I was being charged with 16 counts of fraud and 16 counts of forgery. I thought I would never get out. In our county jail we have a program called j-cap and it’s like a drug treatment for people in jail I got into that program and I was in it for 11 months. I was sentenced to 2 years in prison and 10 year’s probation. I went to prison and was released.
I’m free in more ways than one
Since being out of prison I have bought my first house and got all my children back, which wasn’t easy. It was about a year after I got out that the judge gave my children back. I have worked at the same job since I got out and that’s never happened. My life has changed in so many ways. I am started to become a productive member of society. And a soccer mom again. I can’t even tell you how grateful I am for second chances I get threw everyday one day at a time. And if thats to hard I take it one hour at a time, because no matter how bad my day is if I didn’t pick up and use that day it was a great day! I have been clean since Jan 27th 2014.
