by Sally Rosa | Oct 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
The Article Heard Round the World: Amanda Bynes and Mental Illness
Last week, a young writer name Sam Dylan Finch shed a very human perspective on Amanda Bynes and her ongoing struggles with mental illness.
The essay was, simply put, breathtaking. Since being published, it’s gone very viral. Sam explores how we as a culture view, and react to, celebrities with mental illness. Perhaps the best point made is the discrepancy between how we reacted to the death of Robin Williams and how we’re currently treating Amanda Bynes.
Laughter & Mental Illness: A Not So Subtle Hint to Treat Amanda Bynes with Compassion
We treat those with mental illness, and addiction, very differently when they’re alive and when they’re dead. For that matter, we treat average women suffering from mental illness, or addiction, very different from a suffering celebrity.
Why is this? Why do we place celebrities on a pedestal, while also tearing them down? Why do we view Amanda Bynes as the punch line of a joke and Robin Williams as a tragic reminder of our humanity? Why do we treat celebrity mental illness as entertainment instead of a deadly sickness?
Oh dear readers, I wish I knew! I don’t have an easy answer. I don’t think there is an easy answer. I think we’re human and messy and contradictory. I think we like to idolize celebrities and believe fame is possible, only to tear them down and make ourselves feel better.
For that matter, I think we treat celebrity mental illness differently than “normal” mental illness because celebrities seem untouchable. None of us really know what Amanda Bynes is going through. Hell, we don’t even know if she is mentally ill. While it’s clear something serious and tragic is happening in her life, she has yet to confirm any diagnosis.
So, assuming Amanda does suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar, or any form of mental illness, we still don’t understand her struggle (even those of us who have these same mental illnesses!). Maybe we treat celebrity mental illness differently because, surprise, it is different.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we should mock Amanda Bynes. I hate that she’s the butt of jokes. I hate that I’ve made these jokes. I hate that watching her Twitter is akin to watching TV for some people. Still, her experience with mental illness is very different than mine. Her experience with mental illness is very different than yours. Her experience with mental illness is just that, her experience.
Are We Bad People for Laughing? A Critical Look at Our Reactions to Mental Illness & Death
Sam’s essay made me question my reaction to Amanda Bynes and her public unraveling. It also made me question my reaction to the death of Robin Williams.
When Robin Williams took his life, as a direct result of mental illness, I mourned. I wasn’t alone. Our entire nation mourned. We celebrated too. We celebrated the life, career, and personality of a wonderful man. We celebrated the legacy of a one-of-a-kind comedian and social critic.
Why is it that in death, be it from mental illness or addiction, we mourn the sufferer? Why is it that we wait until they’re gone to celebrate their achievements? Why don’t we try to help while they’re alive?
Again, I wish I knew! I can’t come up with a single reason I haven’t tried to help Amanda Bynes (in whatever small and tiny way I can). I can’t come up with a single reason I don’t have the same compassion for her that I have for a woman who walks into a meeting.
Why is that? Why do we laugh rather than help? Why do we mourn afterwards, instead of offering help during?
Let’s start the conversation with those questions. If we keep asking ourselves why, sooner or later we’re going to have to answer. If we keep the fact that Amanda Bynes is sick, rather than simply crazy, at the forefront of our minds, maybe we’ll show her the same compassion we show each other.
by Sally Rosa | Sep 18, 2014 | Drug Addiction
Robin Thicke: Living The High Life
Singer Robin Thicke hasn’t been having a good couple of years.
Robin became incredibly popular during the summer of 2013, thanks to his blockbuster song “Blurred Lines.” However, it turns out “Blurred Lines” isn’t his song, he was high and drunk all the time, he’s being sued, and his wife divorced him. Tough breaks, Robin.
Isn’t that what happens to active addicts, though? Don’t our lives go to s**t? Okay, yeah, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s look at just what all this fuss is about.
The Summer of 2013
Depending on how you look at it, summer 2013 was either a great or horrible time for Robin Thicke. “Blurred Lines” toped the pop charts for sixteen weeks. It sold over six million copies. It made Thicke a household name. It was also heavily criticized for promoting rape culture. Oh, and he was high and drunk the entire time.
“I had a drug and alcohol problem for the year [2013] and I didn’t do a sober interview so I don’t recall many things that I said..I didn’t do a single interview last year without being high on both…Every day I woke up, I would take a Vicodin to start the day and then I would fill up a water bottle with Vodka and drink it before and during my interviews,” Thicke admitted during a court deposition.
Damn, Robin! I mean, pills and vodka is always a winning combination, but you seem to have taken it pretty far! Guess what else? Turns out Robin Thicke didn’t even write “Blurred Lines.”
According to Thicke himself, “He [Pharrell, the song’s producer] was very generous by giving me a larger percentage of publishing than I deserved.” Thicke is credited with writing 20% of the hit song. Turns out he wrote very little. His main contribution were the amazing (come on, they were!) vocals.
Thicke’s Court Battle
Okay, a lot happened for Robin Thicke in the summer of 2013. Why’d he come clean about his drug and alcohol use, though? What was he doing giving a legal deposition in the first place?
Well, the family of Marvin Gaye is suing Thicke, Pharrell, and rapper T.I. (all three have publishing credits on “Blurred Lines”). Gaye’s family claims that the three stole major parts of their song from the 1977 hit, “Got To Give It Up.”
Things keep getting worse for Robin Thicke!
So, while giving a deposition, Thicke admitted to heavy drug and alcohol abuse. Is this some sort of legal Hail Mary? Is he trying to evade responsibility by claiming drug abuse rendered him incapable of ripping off Marvin Gaye’s hit? Is he saying he didn’t write much of the song in an attempt to push blame onto Pharrell?
I think the answer is simpler.
What Happens to Addicts When We Use
I started to address this above. When addicts use drugs or alcohol, our lives fall apart. For people like us, drugs and booze bring clouds of suffering. They cause us to make crappy decisions, lie, hurt people, and generally behavior like selfish a*sholes.
Robin’s problem isn’t that he’s a bad person, or that he ripped off a song, or that his wife divorced him (oh, I forgot to mention that. In July, the couple divorced). No, Robin’s problem is that he’s an addict and alcoholic.
He got high for a long time, including during the recording of “Blurred Lines.” Did he steal the song from Marvin Gaye? Who knows. It’s possible, but people engaged in that argument are missing the point. Robin Thicke is a sick and suffering addict. He needs help.
Maybe we can all lay off him for a minute and let Thicke get the help he needs. After all, what do we say at the end of most twelve-step meetings? That’s right – let’s have a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering addict and alcoholic. Let’s all take a moment of silence and hope Robin gets help.
by Sally Rosa | Aug 12, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Tim Myers
Robin Williams Committed Suicide, But You Don’t Have To
Robin Williams chose to end his life yesterday. He’s dead and everyone is mourning the loss of one of our greatest actors.
99.9% of the people posting on Facebook never met Mr. Williams. Think about that for a second. He touched so many lives through his god given talent that millions, who had no relationship with him, are crying.
Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and Amy Winehouse all died by accident. None were celebrated in the way Robin Williams is being celebrated. None were loved in the way Robin Williams is loved.
Why?
So, why’d he do it?
Well, I think I know why. See, I’ve wanted to commit suicide quite a few times. I suffer from depression. I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, just like Robin Williams.
There were many times in the past I’ve wanted to kill myself. Not in the seeking attention kind of way. Not in the dramatic kind of way. In the pit of my stomach, calm realization that my pain can be over, I’m going to do this kind of way.
I’ve been there. I was so sick of my failed attempts to get sobriety, so sick of my constant up and downs. I reached a point where I felt doomed to live in a constant state of sadness.
If you’ve never experienced clinical depression, this is what it feels like – you’re trapped in a cement box and no one is around for miles. It’s always dark. All you hear are your own screams and the voice in your head keeps saying “it won’t get better until you die.”
That’s how it feels when the depression takes over. I’m willing to bet that’s what Robin Williams felt like before he committed suicide.
That’s how I felt four years ago, sitting in a red leather chair in Lake Worth, Florida. Tear pouring down my face, a kitchen knife tight in my hand, a note on the table, bottles of vodka across the floor, and the sick thought that my twelve-year-old sister would be better off when I’m dead.
I was never thought I’d wake up, but I did.
Hope
I don’t want to die anymore. Here’s why:
- I’ve accepted that I suffer from depression.
- I sought out professional help and continue to see a therapist.
- I take non-narcotic medication everyday, as prescribed.
- I regularly attend Twelve-Step meetings.
- I pray and meditate everyday.
Do I still get sad? You bet your ass I do, but it never gets as bad as it was. It never takes me back to the red leather chair.
I suffer from the disease of addiction and the disease of clinical depression. They’ll kill me if I let them. Through the use of these five crucial things I keep my diseases at bay, in remission, and away from my soul.
I guarantee that for twenty years Robin Williams did these same five things. He was sober and happy. For the last several years, he wasn’t. His diseases convinced him it was time to go.
Robin Williams committed suicide…but I promise you don’t have to.
by Sally Rosa | Jun 12, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Written by Tim Myers
“All Righty Then”
“Look At The Fun-bags On That”
“Holy Testicle Tuesday”
“Holy S**t-balls”
“We Got No Food, We Got No Jobs…Our PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!”
“That John Denver’s Full Of S**t”
How Jim Carrey’s Commencement Speech Can Keep You Sober
Jim Carrey said all of the above. On Saturday, May 24th, he also said something else. He gave the commencement speech to The Maharishi University of Management’s class of 2014 and dropped some serious wisdom.
Jim Carrey’s Speech Turned My Brain Upside Down
“Fear is going to be a big player in your life but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts and worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be is what is happening here. The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose a path of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying that I’m proof that you can ask the universe for it,” said Jim.
He went on to talk about what he learned from his father. “You can fail at what you don’t want to do, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love,” he stated.
Son of a b***h! The same guy that makes his a*s talk just turned my brain upside down! He wrung it out like sponge and forced me to utter a phrase I never though would cross my lips – Jim Carrey’s speech is all you need to get sober.
Am I saying don’t go to rehab, don’t go to a twelve-step fellowship, just sit back, relax and watch Jim Carrey’s YouTube video once a day, everyday, for ninety days and you’ll never drink? Yes!
I’m kidding! I do believe women should go to a women’s treatment center and dudes need to go to a treatment for dudes. I do believe that without some sort of program, it’s very difficult to stay sober.
My point is, if you do everything Jim Carrey’s talking about, if you take his advice, you’ll get sober. Period, exclamation point, end of story. You can debate this point with me, as I’m sure you will, but it’s a fact. Just like water is wet, plants need sunlight, the sky is blue and Smucker’s Uncrustables are the most delicious food on the planet.
In Sobriety We Have No Limits
Okay, let’s dissect this speech from the beginning. Jim Carrey said, “I can not be contained because I am the container.”
What the crap does that mean? It means you’re in charge of your own limitations. You can’t be filled because you can always make yourself bigger. All the limitations on yourself are self imposed. The good news? Anyone can stop self imposing limits on themselves!
There’s no limit to what we can do. If you can’t stop drinking, you can break the contained. If you can’t stop snorting bath salts, or bath water, or whatever it is the kids are killing themselves with, you can break the container. Now, if it’s Rubbermade™, you’ll have to melt it, but trust me it can be done! Break Your Container.
Jim Carrey then expands on this idea. “I used to believe that who I was ended at the edge of my skin. That I had been given this little vehicle called a body in which to experience creation, although I couldn’t have asked for a sportier model. It was after all a loner and would have to be returned. Then I learned everything outside of the vehicle was part of me too. And now I drive a convertible.”
Here, he reminds us to open up, to let the top down and experience more than just what’s directly around us. If you’re trapped in a world of drugs, filth, corruption, prostitution, and alcoholism you can change by changing the vehicle you use to travel in life.
I used to drive a crappy 1996 Saturn with cigarette burns on the vinyl, carpet soaked in beer, and puke in the back seat. This isn’t a metaphor, it’s what my car really looked like. My fuel for this vehicle was addiction and self-interest. I changed my car and began a life fueled by Alcoholics Anonymous and helping other people. Now, I drive a convertible. Okay, it’s my Dad’s convertible, but the biggest miracle is that after over a decade of drug use (not to mention nine rehabs), I’m at a place where he actually lets me borrow it! Get A New Vehicle For Life.
Staying Sober Through Prayer and Meditation
Next, Jim Carrey talks about what I’ve come to believe is the most important part of staying sober – meditation. He says, “Meditation allows you to separate from who you are and what is real from the stories in your head. There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind, and an actual dog that is going to eat you.”
How often do we make up stories in our head of all the horrible things that are going to happen? I do it a lot. Sometimes, it’s weird stuff. I once thought that when I die, I’ll hear Billy Joel’s “Only The Good Die Young” on the radio. So, every time that goddamn song came on, I’d bunker myself in my room and wait until midnight.
A more practical form of this comes from self defeating thoughts like, “I can’t stay sober or get sober or quit heroin or stop drinking.” These are NOT real dogs that are going to eat you. They’re just negative thoughts that you can remove through prayer and meditation. Meditate.
Next, Jim goes into the paragraph at the beginning of this article. He says, “All there will ever be is what is happening here.”
One day at a time. It’s not a cliché when you really believe it. It’s a way of life. Stay in Today.
Jim Carrey’s Commencement Speech is About Living in Love, Not Fear
“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear.” – Jim Carrey
There are a number of spiritually based programs that suggest the alcoholic is a producer of confusion, rather than harmony. Jim’s saying the same thing. He’s reminding us to choose love not fear, to choose harmony not confusion. Nothing great was every conceived through fear and confusion. Fear and confusion, as a resource, remind me of Nazi concentration camps. Love and harmony remind me of a beautiful beach, blue skies, sunshine, and lemonade. You choose the place you want to hang out in.
Choose Love.
“So many of us choose our path of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying that I’m proof that you can ask the universe for it.” –Jim Carrey
Getting Sober Isn’t Impossible Because Nothing is Impossible
Jim emphasizes again and again that nothing’s impossible. Yes, you may not have the money for treatment. You may be in jail. You may be a single mother who can’t take twenty-eight days off from the kids, but also can’t stop popping Xanax like Mike & Ikes™. It may not seem practical for you to stop using, but that’s just fear yelling in your ear. Fear dances, twerks and shakes its a*s to lure you in. Fear pretends to be practicality when it’s really just fear telling you to make the wrong decision.
Fear can be a lot like a stripper. It pretends to love you. It pretends it will never leave you. It pretends it’s going to go home with you and stop sliding up and down the brass pole. What really happens? When the club closes, you’re alone with no money, crying in your car because “Destiny” ditched you for the table of frat boys. Oh, that Visa pre-paid card your grandma gave you for Chanukah? It’s out of money, by the way.
The practical choice is always the one that’ll make you happy and better the lives of those around you. Both factors need to be in conjunction though.
Asking The Universe For What you Want: A Highlight of Jim Carrey’s Speech
During Jim sobering speech, he said to dare and ask the universe for what you want. Do it. In many cases, we’ve lost so much to our addiction that all we have left is prayer. Turns out, that’s all we need.
You want to be sober? Ask for it. You want to stop drinking? Ask for it. Pray for it, meditate on it, and the answer will come. It has for me. I once prayed everyday for a wife. I went to the beach and prayed. I went back to my car and guess what? There was no hot chick waiting by my Saturn. So, I went to a meeting. This repeated over and over and over and over and over, until I met the woman I’m engaged to, outside that same meeting. If you want it, ask for it!
“You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.” – Jim Carrey
Simple, right? Yet why do so many of us not do it? Do what you love! Make yourself happy!
If you like planting things, start a garden. If you like animals, get a job at a animal shelter. Following this rule will ensure that when you die (many years from now!), you’ll be able to say “I did what I love.” How awesome would that be? Do What You Love!
Find Your Way Through Faith
“Take a chance on faith, not hope but faith. Hope walks through the fire, faith leaps over it.” – Jim Carrey
This was the moment when I thought Jim Carrey may actually be Jesus. I haven’t heard a statement of truth this powerful since MLK’s “I Have a Dream Speech.”
Hope is “uh maybe this will work,” or “boy, it’d be cool if I don’t get burned!” Hope is your fingers crossed. Faith is “f**k you fire, I’m jumping over you because I know I can!” Did Moses part the Red Sea? Nope, he didn’t. He had faith so strong that God opened the Red Sea up. His faith made that happen. Have Faith.
Break Your Container
Get A New Vehicle For Life
Meditate
Stay In Today
Choose Love
Ask For It
Do What You Love
Have Faith
See, you can have a life that is so star-spangled freaking awesome! All you have to do is – Break Your Container, Get A New Vehicle For Life, Meditate, Stay in Today, Choose Love, Ask For it, Do What You Love and Have Faith! That’s a fact brought to you by Jim Carrey.
