by Sally Rosa | May 26, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Written By: Katie Schipper
Learning how to be grateful is a spiritual practice. It’s not something that can be forced, it comes naturally when we make a commitment and start practicing it. Gratitude isn’t something readily accessible to a addict or an alcoholic active in her addiction. There’s far too much chaos, denial, self-victimization, pity, and selfishness to leave any room for gratitude. Choosing to be grateful, to practice gratitude in spite of changing moods and circumstances, is a cornerstone of recovery.
Watch a young women emerging from addiction with gratitude
The Gratitude List
A very simple, very straightforward way to begin practicing gratitude is to make a list. Ideally, this is done daily, but it shouldn’t be avoided simply because it can’t be done everyday. The list can be long or short, but should most definitely be handwritten. Taking the time to write everything out helps get it embedded in our hearts.
A gratitude list can be as simple as coming up with five things you’re grateful for. Even if you can’t find a job, even if you just got dumped, even if you’re in a very dark place and feel alone, there’s always, ALWAYS, something to be grateful for.
Sometimes, it helps to start simple, particularly if you tend to be pessimistic. Start by being grateful for the air you breathe. Be grateful that you’re alive. Be grateful for things you might not be grateful for! Things like rehab, IOP therapy, and recovery.
The beautiful thing about gratitude lists is that once you start, you seem to magically think of even more to be grateful for! The lists can be endless. The first step, as always, is simply to begin, even if you don’t want to.
And you might not want to. Complaining is easy. It gives a short-lived buzz and all that dumping of negative energy feels “good.” What it’s really doing is perpetuating the bad. Our thoughts become our reality. For addicts and alcoholics, it’s easy to become enslaved by the mind’s power. Putting a pen to paper, despite negativity, has an immediate impact.
Gratitude as an Action Word
Writing a gratitude list is a beautiful thing and a great start to expanding your spirituality. Continue to write until you feel the results. Share your lists. Add to them. Set aside specific times to write gratitude lists. Watch as your attitude changes and as some of your negative thought patterns begin to crumble.
Once this happens, practice gratitude in your daily life. Be polite to the person who’s rude to you. Hold the door open for someone. Buy someone’s coffee. Do service. Volunteer. Like any spiritual practice, gratitude is a discipline that gives back tenfold what you put into it. The freedom of knowing what you have, of cherishing where you are, are gifts beyond measure.
Learn seven things about recovery you might not know
by Sally Rosa | Apr 9, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
The Top 10 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem
1) Gratitude
Writing a gratitude list everyday can be rewarding. Sometimes, in early-sobriety we’re unaware of the good things in our life. The more you write what you’re grateful for, the more you’ll be grateful for it!
2) Speak Up and Sit in the Front
It’s important to contribute and participate in meetings. Sitting in the front row is one easy way to make yourself more engaged. Other members will start to notice and reach out to you. This’ll happen even more if you begin to share! Sharing and letting others know what you’re going through helps.
3) Exercise
Exercise is important to physical and mental health. It helps with stress relief and is a great way to relieve anxiety. Feeling healthy and fit will boost your self-esteem, guaranteed.
Start by setting small goals so you’re not overwhelmed. After awhile, you’ll notice you can do more and more.
4) Do Something for Someone
Doing small things for people helps you feel better about yourself. My sponsor is fond of saying that if you want self-esteem, you need to do esteem-able acts. Some great examples are:
- Listening to someone
- Asking someone what you can help them with
- Smiling at a stranger
- Praying for someone
5) Say an Affirmation
An affirmation is when you practice positive thinking and self-confidence by saying nice things about yourself. Having a positive attitude about your life produces feelings of self-worth and confidence. Examples of affirmations include:
- I’m beautiful, healthy, brilliant, and tranquil
- I’m guided by spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do
- I’m courageous and I stand up for myself
- Today, I abandon my old habits and take up positive ones
6) Become a Productive Member of Society
Having a job and being a productive builds self-esteem. Simple as that. In active addiction, most addicts were unable to keep a job. Feeling like you’re needed somewhere, and having somewhere to be throughout the week, is fulfilling.
7)Do Service Work
Doing service work is a great contribution to AA or NA and a great way to meet others. Service can include:
- Making coffee
- Setting up chairs
- Giving rides to and from meetings
- Sponsoring others
- Speaking and chairing
8) Replace “I Should Have” With “I Will”
Listening to others and following through with action show others your willingness. It also produces a feeling of accomplishment and self-esteem. Knowing that you’re doing the right thing and following suggestions will make you, and others, proud!
9) Build a Support Network
Going to meetings and related events is a great way to meet people. Giving out your number (remember, women with women and men with men!) is a surefire way to reach out. Getting to know your fellow addicts and alcoholics allows you to confide in others with issues going on, help with daily life, and have fun!
10) Take Inventory Each Day
Doing a personal inventory is SO important! Every night, before you go to sleep (or even throughout the day) reflect for a minute about your emotions and what’s going on inside. This helps you realize your motives, fears, positive attributes, and negative attributes. This allows you to reflect and do better tomorrow.
Taking a daily inventory also gives you the opportunity to make amends. Here’s a list of helpful questions to ask while doing an inventory:
- How was I resentful?
- How was I selfish?
- How was I afraid?
- Do I owe an apology?
- Was I unkind?
- What could I have done better?
- What can I do for others?
- Who did I help?
- What did I accomplish?
- What am I grateful for?
- Who needs my prayers?
by Sally Rosa | Mar 25, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Twelve-Step Meetings Keep Us Sober!
Going to your first meeting sucks! It’s nerve-wracking, scary, overwhelming, and generally unpleasant all around. We don’t know what to expect, how to act, or when to speak. Basically, we’re clueless!
I know one of the main reasons meetings scared me was because I didn’t know the guidelines. I was afraid of accidentally crossing a boundary and embarrassing myself! While there are a ton of different types of twelve-step meetings, their guidelines are usually the same. Here are some tips and tricks for proper twelve-step meeting etiquette. Now, get off your ass and hit a meeting!
Women’s Meetings and Men’s Meetings
Co-ed meetings are intimidating! When I was newly sober, boys scared me! I didn’t feel comfortable sharing around them, much less reaching out to them. That second point was probably good for me!
There are gender specific meetings for just this reason. Men share their issues with other men and women share their issues with other women. It’s a beautiful thing.
Cross-Talk
Cross-talk is when someone shares directly to someone else. This might sound harmless, but in a room full of addicts and their egos? Well, then cross-talk is serious business.
We should respect each other and our unique struggles! We can’t control what others say and do, but we don’t have to be an assh**e to them. Disrespecting people should be avoided at all costs, especially in meetings, especially the newcomer.
If someone says something that isn’t right, mistakenly or not, the proper reaction is to ignore them. Move on, with open ears, to what others have to say. Remember, acceptance is the answer to ALL our problems.
Being on Time
Although all are welcome, it’s respectful to arrive at the meeting on time. You’ll never be asked to leave if you’re late, but showing up late is old behavior. Do the best you can to make it on time and to not disturb the meeting.
Cellphones
It’s important to give your full attention to the meeting. Don’t be that girl on her phone, you know the one I’m talking about!
Make sure your phone is on vibrate and put away. It’s respectful to the chairperson, speaker, and everyone else in the meeting.
If there’s an emergency, you’re allowed to answer your phone, but walk outside first!
AA and NA
NA, or Narcotics Anonymous, meetings are typically associated with drug addiction. AA, or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are confined to problems with alcohol.
Here’s the thing, there’s no need to feel unwelcome in AA just because you used drugs. Most people in AA were also drug addicts! In AA meetings, just replace words like drugs and using with alcohol and drinking. Addiction is addiction regardless of the substance. Addiction doesn’t discriminate and neither do twelve-step meetings.
Anonymous Facilities
Refrain from talking about specific halfway-houses, treatment centers, or detox centers. It’s okay to mention these broadly, but don’t give specific names. We all have different experiences and the meeting is about these experiences (strength and hope!), not about facilities.
Anonymity
This one might be kind of obvious, but twelve-step meetings are anonymous! They’re for alcoholics and addicts to come together and share honestly. We need to be comfortable enough to talk about what happened, what life was like, and what life’s like now. That feeling of comfort doesn’t happen if people talk about what’s said outside of the room.
Again, don’t be that girl! Don’t talk outside the rooms about people you’ve seen or things you’ve heard. Everyone should be respected and left anonymous.
Time Constraints
It’s important to limit your shares to a few minutes. Some meetings offer a timekeeper, who’ll notify you when your time is up. Keeping your shares limited to a couple minutes allows everyone to have the same chance to share.
If you find your way to twelve-step meeting, these are some simple suggestions. The traditions are in place to ensure that everyone finds the help that they need!
by Sally Rosa | Nov 28, 2013 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
The holidays are stressful for a lot of people, especially those in recovery!
Here are some great tips to make it through the holidays stress free and sober!
1) Don’t Test Your Willpower
Get rid of all the alcohol in your house, including bottles “for guests.”
Don’t put yourself in uncomfortable situations. If you’re not ready for them, then you’re not ready for them. Don’t sweat it.
2) Live In The Now
You can’t change yesterday or control tomorrow. You CAN do your best right now. After all, today’s a gift, which is why we call it the present!
3) Help Others
When you help others, you feel better about yourself. Keep it simple!
4) Stay Away From the First Drink
If you don’t start drinking, you won’t have to worry about stopping.
5) Be Grateful
Be thankful for your sobriety and your accomplishments. The holidays are a time to celebrate loved ones and enjoy your time together.
