by Fiona Stockard | Jul 21, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
Written By: Katie Schipper
The Steps to Recovery Aren’t the Same for Everyone
Opinions on Taking Twelve-Steps to Recovery
Outside opinions on the inner-workings of twelve-step fellowships range from mild curiosity, to total disinterest, to insistence that they’re cults. At it’s very core, AA and other twelve-step recovery programs operate on the basis that if you want to recovery and remain anonymous, than you have a safe haven to do so. It’s on that foundation that you’re able to build a recovery program for yourself. You do this through sponsorship and the guidance of those that have come before you.
However, AA is in no way a one-size-fits-all program. Anyone who sees AA that way and represents it as such is operating from personal opinion. It’s hard for someone not in a recovery program to recognize the value of a support group. It’s probably even harder to understand the concept of anonymity. Hell, understanding those things is hard enough for people in recovery!
Twelve-step recovery is open to anyone with a desire to quit drinking or getting high (or a slew of other addictions). The truth is the actual journey of recovery looks different for each member.
Learn about the first step of twelve-step programs
The Twelve-Steps are a Process
The recovery process is exactly that, a process. It isn’t a thirty-day stay at an addiction treatment center for women. It isn’t a magic bullet that solves all of life’s problems.
Recovery, as a concept, goes way beyond the scope of the twelve-steps. It includes recovering from physical injuries, depression, emotional trauma, anxiety, and eating disorders. The list is endless – recovering from a break-up, from an ended friendship, from the death of someone you love. Recovering from these things doesn’t happen overnight. Some are easier to get through than others, but all pain demands attention. It doesn’t matter if that recovery is physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, or something else.
Why would an addict or alcoholic be any sort of exception to that rule? We don’t ask that someone “get over it” when they suffer an emotional loss (or at least we shouldn’t). Why would anyone expect that a lifestyle based on lies, fear, manipulation, denial, desperation, self-serving, and self-centeredness would heal without some intense and ongoing work?
In twelve-step recovery programs, the initial work of going through the steps with a sponsor is based on a set of suggestions. These suggestions clarify the nature of what we face (addiction and alcoholism). They advise we look at a lifetime of our thought and behavior patterns, which reveal how we’ve been running our lives (by fear and selfishness). Finally, they advise we try and make right some of the things we did. When this initial step-work process is complete, we show gratitude by taking new women through the same process. We keep our recovery alive by passing it onto others.
For those who believe AA and NA are cults, there are other options! Do your research, you’ll find plenty.
Learn about twelve-step meeting etiquette
No Requirement for “Membership”
None of the above are requirements for membership. Even within specific twelve-step programs, there are variants and adjustments each member can make. After getting through all twelve-steps of recovery, it becomes abundantly clear that recovery is exactly what you make it. You get to decide what it means to live differently, if living differently is what you want. Suggestions are made in the rooms of AA by sponsors and old timers, and anyone with a mouth really, but the reality is that you decide what rings true and speaks to your soul.
There’s No Right or Wrong Way
There isn’t a right or wrong way to start getting honest. There isn’t a right or wrong way to start learning who you really are. As time goes on, the spiritual principles you truly value will begin to develop and you decide how to nurture them. You choose how to pray. You choose how to meditate. You choose how to help another person – if you choose if you do those things at all! Recognizing that we’re all unique people, who happen to share a common bond, is meant to empower rather than subjugate. It’s up to you to own that power however you see fit.
by Sally Rosa | May 15, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
The Importance of a Home Group
Written By: Katie Schipper
What Is a Home Group?
Many in Florida Recovery Programs encourage individuals to seek a home group. A home group is the twelve-step meeting someone chooses to be a member of. Most groups have open membership and joining is usually as simple as telling another home group member. While addicts are welcome to attend all meetings, a home group serves as an important anchor for any woman’s addiction Florida recovery program.
Twelve-step meetings usually hold monthly business meetings. This is when members share their ideas for bettering the group. It’s also when meeting issues are discussed and solved, based on group conscience (the majority opinion of members).
Why Have a Home Group?
Home groups are often called the “heartbeat of AA.” It’s within a home group that newly sober women begin to learn how AA works and what it really means to be sober. Within the home group, newcomers are able to take service positions and meet those with long-term recovery. All the little things that make twelve-step programs so amazing are best observed within the home group setting. It’s there the wisdom and miracle of AA is shared freely among members. Service work starts by attending business meetings and taking an active role in AA life.
Choosing a home group is a foundation of long-recovery. Additionally, many individuals find it helpful to include self-help groups with professional therapy in their Florida Recovery Program. With a home group comes a sense of belonging and responsibility. These were pretty much absent from our life during active addiction! Choosing a home group is one of the first major steps we take towards breaking the deep sense of isolation which ruled our lives.
How Do You Choose a Home Group?
For women in early-recovery, the first step to finding a home group is to attend the same meetings regularly. Going to women’s meeting narrows the choice of potential home groups down. If all women’s meetings aren’t available, mixed meetings are definitely okay. Just remember, stay away from the boys! It’s okay to make any group a temporary home group, you don’t have to wait around for the “perfect” group
As time goes on, if the group you chose doesn’t work, find another one! Like most things in AA, finding a home group shouldn’t be an overly serious matter.
Having a home group isn’t a requirement of twelve-step recovery, it’s not even necessary to stay sober, but there’s nothing more powerful in early-recovery than finding a place among women – strong, sober women.
AA membership isn’t denied to anyone. It’s open to anyone who wants to stop drinking and start living a better life! Home group membership is just as relaxed and is a solid addiction to your addiction recovery program.
by Fiona Stockard | May 14, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Tattoos: Sober Women Breaking Tradition
Written By:Anjelica G.
Body modification, meaning to deliberately alter your physical appearance, has become extremely popular over the last few years. I mean, it’s always been popular, but tattoos and piercings, as well as many other unique forms self-expression, have really blown up lately. I think body art is amazing and believe that pretty soon major community and world leaders will be tatted up. Hell, even our seventh president, Andrew Jackson, had a tattoo on his thigh. However, not everyone has the best ideas when it comes to ink.
Should We Be Broadcasting “Sober” on Our Hands?
Now don’t get me wrong, the fact that you’re sober is fantastic, but does everyone need to know? People get tattoos because they feel so strongly about something there’s no other way for them to show how goddamn awesome it is then to have it permanently etched into their skin! Still, I think there are ways to show gratitude for sobriety besides stamping it on one of the most visible area of your body! Don’t you dare put “sober” on your face. If you do, you’re never getting a job. “Oh Ms. Jones I see here on your face that you’re sober, good you should be, this is a job interview!”
Calling Attention to an Anonymous Program
Take a look at the images above. Not only do they broadcasting, “I’m a women in sobriety”, but they also call attention to an anonymous program and broadcast their sobriety date! Uh oh! I thought anonymity was our spiritual foundation? Looks like someone’s breaking a few traditions. I hope this person doesn’t ever have to change their sobriety date. This is basically a recipe for disaster. Weren’t you told not to get your significant other’s name tattooed on you? Well, sobriety tattoos should carry the same warning. I’d love to believe that your sobriety date isn’t going to change, but no matter how hard you try this sort of thing simply isn’t guaranteed. Now, you might be thinking I’m insensitive for writing this, or maybe I just “don’t understand,” but let me tell you, I get it.
This is Me
I had to go through addiction treatment as well. I’ve been a woman in recovery for over two years. I’m covered from head to toe in tattoos and piercings. I change my hair color more then some people change their underwear. All that being said, I’ve made some huge tattoo mistakes. I’m writing this article to save sober women from the horrible tattoo decisions I’ve made! I had tattoos before I got sober, but in early-sobriety I made the mistake of putting “Grant Me Serenity” and the Narcotics Anonymous symbol on my hand! It was embarrassing to know that regardless of where I was, people knew I was in a twelve-step program. Not everyone understands that being in recovery and being an active drug user are two different things. So, to many close minded people, I was seen as a criminal, a liar, an unemployable junkie, and a disappointment to the family. I was nineteen and had maybe a week sober. I relapsed not too long after I got that tattoo. Hell, I’ve had to go through getting it covered up, which wasn’t easy for the artist.
Change Your Insides Before You Start Changing Your Outsides
Take my advice and change your insides before you go changing your outsides! It’s more rewarding that way. Remember, and this is important, don’t try to match your insides with other peoples outsides. Listen up Ms. Sober Woman, I know what it’s like to constantly want to look aesthetically perfect and to try and keep up with the latest trends. What I didn’t understand, when I first began my sober journey, is that nothing looks better than a happy, healthy, sober woman. When you walk into a room, light it up with your heart, not your poorly done, tradition breaking tattoos!
by Sally Rosa | Mar 25, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Twelve-Step Meetings Keep Us Sober!
Going to your first meeting sucks! It’s nerve-wracking, scary, overwhelming, and generally unpleasant all around. We don’t know what to expect, how to act, or when to speak. Basically, we’re clueless!
I know one of the main reasons meetings scared me was because I didn’t know the guidelines. I was afraid of accidentally crossing a boundary and embarrassing myself! While there are a ton of different types of twelve-step meetings, their guidelines are usually the same. Here are some tips and tricks for proper twelve-step meeting etiquette. Now, get off your ass and hit a meeting!
Women’s Meetings and Men’s Meetings
Co-ed meetings are intimidating! When I was newly sober, boys scared me! I didn’t feel comfortable sharing around them, much less reaching out to them. That second point was probably good for me!
There are gender specific meetings for just this reason. Men share their issues with other men and women share their issues with other women. It’s a beautiful thing.
Cross-Talk
Cross-talk is when someone shares directly to someone else. This might sound harmless, but in a room full of addicts and their egos? Well, then cross-talk is serious business.
We should respect each other and our unique struggles! We can’t control what others say and do, but we don’t have to be an assh**e to them. Disrespecting people should be avoided at all costs, especially in meetings, especially the newcomer.
If someone says something that isn’t right, mistakenly or not, the proper reaction is to ignore them. Move on, with open ears, to what others have to say. Remember, acceptance is the answer to ALL our problems.
Being on Time
Although all are welcome, it’s respectful to arrive at the meeting on time. You’ll never be asked to leave if you’re late, but showing up late is old behavior. Do the best you can to make it on time and to not disturb the meeting.
Cellphones
It’s important to give your full attention to the meeting. Don’t be that girl on her phone, you know the one I’m talking about!
Make sure your phone is on vibrate and put away. It’s respectful to the chairperson, speaker, and everyone else in the meeting.
If there’s an emergency, you’re allowed to answer your phone, but walk outside first!
AA and NA
NA, or Narcotics Anonymous, meetings are typically associated with drug addiction. AA, or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are confined to problems with alcohol.
Here’s the thing, there’s no need to feel unwelcome in AA just because you used drugs. Most people in AA were also drug addicts! In AA meetings, just replace words like drugs and using with alcohol and drinking. Addiction is addiction regardless of the substance. Addiction doesn’t discriminate and neither do twelve-step meetings.
Anonymous Facilities
Refrain from talking about specific halfway-houses, treatment centers, or detox centers. It’s okay to mention these broadly, but don’t give specific names. We all have different experiences and the meeting is about these experiences (strength and hope!), not about facilities.
Anonymity
This one might be kind of obvious, but twelve-step meetings are anonymous! They’re for alcoholics and addicts to come together and share honestly. We need to be comfortable enough to talk about what happened, what life was like, and what life’s like now. That feeling of comfort doesn’t happen if people talk about what’s said outside of the room.
Again, don’t be that girl! Don’t talk outside the rooms about people you’ve seen or things you’ve heard. Everyone should be respected and left anonymous.
Time Constraints
It’s important to limit your shares to a few minutes. Some meetings offer a timekeeper, who’ll notify you when your time is up. Keeping your shares limited to a couple minutes allows everyone to have the same chance to share.
If you find your way to twelve-step meeting, these are some simple suggestions. The traditions are in place to ensure that everyone finds the help that they need!
