by Sally Rosa | Nov 17, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Blog, Sobriety For Women
Women’s Addiction Recovery Meetings Are the Bomb
I don’t even know where to get started on this one. Why do I only attend women’s addiction recovery meetings? The list is so damn long I could have titled this article 3 billion reasons why I only attend women’s addiction recovery meetings. My life is so much better today because I took the main concept behind my gender specific drug rehab for women and applied them to my addiction recovery. Why fix what’s not broken right? I know a lot of women in recovery go to coed meetings and that is ok. I don’t though, and I think more women should stick to women’s addiction recovery meetings and here is why.
My Drug Rehab for Women Eliminated Distractions.
3. No Distractions.
My addiction recovery meeting and my drug rehab for women had zero men in them ever. To me, men were like a drug and there would have been no difference between having a needle filled with heroin and man sitting on the table. I was addicted to men and drugs so it is very important to me that the only things inside my addiction recovery meetings are things that will help me stay sober. Men cannot help me stay sober ever.
I Get Recovery from Drugs, Booty Calls.
2. No One Hits On Me.
The worst thing about addiction recovery meetings with dudes is that I can’t walk by myself for two seconds without some guy asking me for my phone number. Men with men and women with women. It’s one of the best and longest lasting rules of addiction recovery meetings. Without this hard and fast rule my drug rehab for women and my addiction recovery meetings would have been nothing but Tinder for drunks. With not a single person trying grind up on trunk I can focus on the steps and what is best for my addiction recovery.
Hey Larry, Wanna Talk About Periods?
1. Female issues are for females.
So here’s the deal, I’m sure many guys are in touch with their feminine side but, they have no idea what it is like to be a woman. Sometime I need to talk about the things that make my female body tick or not tick. I need to talk about how I am 30 days sober and horny as all get up. Doing that in an addiction recovery
meeting with guys present is a recipe for disaster. I might as well take out a billboard on the side of a highway that reads, “Do Me”. Maybe I need to talk about some of the horrible shameful things I have done and I need to be with women I trust? Talking about that stuff around men is super uncomfortable and something I would only do at a drug rehab for women. Plus, many women such as myself come in to addiction recovery with a history of abuse at the hands of men. Those wounds take time to heal and in many cases it takes years. So for a while, I choose to work on myself in the privacy and comfort of women. Right now, it’s just who I trust.
by A Women in Sobriety | Nov 3, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
There are no words. But there are looks, hugs, touches, tears and even smiles.
Elizabeth was the first person I truly loved more than life itself. Our theme song was Rod Stewart’s song “Have I told you lately that I love you”, the favorite phrase ‘there will never be another one above you’. We sang those words to each other a lot, albeit quite off key. She gave me the ability to stand up for what I thought was right, to try to fix what I thought was wrong and to go after what might have seemed unattainable. She was my rock. My St. Francis of Assisi prayer, which is why we choose that for her prayer card.
Elizabeth was the gift God gave me and all too soon called her back to himself. She was only here for a short time but she certainly did make an impact, a forever lasting impact. Elizabeth loved and played real hard. Sometimes, too hard. She wanted what she wanted when she wanted it, no if’s and’s or but’s about it. She absolutely refused to take no for an answer. That started at a very young age often involving screams, tears and the occasional thrashing on the floor.
Our struggles don’t define us
It is no secret that our daughter struggled with depression and substance abuse. But we cannot let that define her. Like her late father, I am not sure which came first, the addiction to heal the pain or the pain brought on from the addiction. I have questioned myself over the last 25 years wondering what I did to cause the nightmare. And now, not once but twice, here I go again. I have been told numerous times by loving, caring family, friends and professionals and many of you here today the answer is I did nothing. Somehow those words seem empty to me.
Yet today, we may all feel we did or did not do something. If there was just one more thing we could have done to stop the events that lead to Elizabeth’s all to soon passing on July 5th. Did she say or do something that we just overlooked? Did she ask for help and we were too busy, did she reach for a hand that wasn’t there? Did she make a call that went unanswered? In my heart I must say that I DON’T THINK SO. I do not believe anyone of us had a role in her ending, but I believe we all had a place in her being. Elizabeth was given to us for a reason, on loan we might say, from a higher power, to give us a chance to know and love her and share in her journey. I just think her journey was entirely too short and now it is up to us to keep her alive, even though we grieve.
Be more like Elizabeth
The take away from this is that we need to be more like Elizabeth. Always strive to look our best! Always reach out to the person who is down. Offer a ride to someone in need. Be sure a friend, or even a stranger, has coffee or a smoke. Be sure you have a home group, and that you show up! Find a sponsor, be a sponsor. Love your family! And above all call (or at least text) your mother every day or two. We mom’s worry.
Try not to let the things that hurt Elizabeth the most, hurt you. Don’t let mean words cut you to the quick, even if it is your boss. Try to do your best at work even when people are mean. Try to get through it, maybe find a better job before you quit. Try to believe in yourself. Elizabeth told me a couple of weeks before she passed that I had told her she needed to keep her job until she got a new one. I was so proud of her for doing just that, but I didn’t realize how unhappy she really was. She kept it all inside.
Devastated
Len and I are completely devastated at losing our daughter. She was such an integral part of our world. We loved and laughed like most families. We had regular visits and phone calls and enjoyed being together. We supported each other in good times and bad. Len and I were always on the ready for what lay ahead. BUT NOT FOR THIS.
I won’t deny that we had many sleepless nights, several times we got the dreaded phone call that there was a new crisis unfolding for Elizabeth, and us. But we managed and together the three of us made it through. We had accepted that this was our normal.
But on the morning of July 6th our world came crashing down when we found out the unimaginable had happened. And here we are. Raw and shaken. Scared about life without our daughter. Learning how to go on without hearing her voice. “Hey momma; hey Len, do you guys want to get dinner” (that meant us going to Delray or Boynton, going out to eat and afterwards putting gas in her car). Then come the instructions, “Don’t leave just yet though. I need to go to the gym first, shower and get ready.” We know what that means! And oh yhea, we would probably be placing an order with Herbalife! And of course she always needed cigarettes. We never minded. Just wanted to be with our girl. If it was just me and her, we always end up shopping. Lunch at Bagles With then over to TJ Maxx, Marshalls and ULTA. Yes, Elizabeth truly was a slave to fashion. And she always looked so good!!! Always. And then there was the hair…. The longer and the blonder the better. I confess I did keep a little piece.
Making sense of it all
Trying to make sense of the loss of such a wonderful life, this beautiful young woman who cared so deeply for so many and was so important to us all is a very daunting task. It’s really hard. I cry a lot. I wake up most days with a tear streaming down my cheek and go to bed so overwhelmed with sadness. At first I saw butterflies every day, not anymore. When I do see one it is such a comfort.
I thank you for your support, your love, your kind words and most of all for keeping her memory alive. But now I have a challenge for each and every one of you today. Show of hands, how many of you have a parent, grandparent, sibling, girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other or best friend? And if you were gone tomorrow would they miss you? I believe so. STOP empowering this disease to ruin lives. STOP allowing this disease to break hearts. STOP allowing this disease to make those of us left behind cry, mourn, ache. STOP for yourselves! That should be the BIGGEST single reason for living. But if you need motivation STOP for the ones you would ultimately leave behind, looking a lot like me and Len.
Thoughts from a close friend
A close friend of Elizabeth’s from Hingham posted the following upon learning of her death.
“Society tends to value the lives of people with substance abuse less than the average person but I want to make a statement so that her unfortunate passing does not go down just as another check mark on a statistic sheet. In addition to being gorgeous, Liz was an intelligent, fun, caring and motivated girl with an infections personality from a loving, successful and supportive family whose death cannot be ruled anything but the true definition of a tragedy… She hit highs and lows in life, she struggled with addiction issues but always a genuinely kind person who lived life to the fullest and looked damn good doing it when she was well. It goes to show you that one relapse into substance use can be the matter of life or death and nobody should underestimate the power of the disease of addiction. This was not the death of a low life junkie, this was the death of a real young woman who touched many people’s lives with her ‘liz-ness’ (I don’t know if I can call it anything else HAHA) who was eaten alive by the demons that haunted her…To those who have beat the struggle, bless you and keep on keeping on. For those who are thinking of seeking help, may this tragic event show you the horrible truth of how addiction ruins lives. “ Benjamin Smith
The Elizabeth Rose Olsen Memorial Fund
In closing I will share that Len and I are working to establish the Elizabeth Rose Olsen Memorial Fund. We hope to help those who are trying to get help by supplementing funds for the items that scholarships and insurance don’t cover. We will work with centers here in Florida, especially the facilities where Elizabeth found compassion for herself. It is my dream as a mother that no other parent has to get the devastating news that their child has died from an overdose. Although we are not sure how Elizabeth passed, as there were no visible signs of drugs in her room, we do know she struggled for years with this disease. Regardless of what the autopsy reveals, we are still committed to the fund.
I will post a notice on Facebook once her fund it is established. Donations will be tax deductible and we will match all donations. We also want to hear about the GOOD places that provide honest care to those seeking help. Unfortunately, we all know there are plenty of facilities and people who just abuse those who need help the most.
Thank you, God Bless you, and may our dear Elizabeth finally find peace.
Mariann O’Connor
July 31, 2016
by Sally Rosa | Oct 28, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
A Sexy Halloween Costume Could Be a Relapse Warning Sign
I get it, we are supposed to practice these principles in all our affairs, but does this really apply to Halloween? Back in the late 1800’s a brave woman decided to go trick-or-treating not as just a normal nurse. She decided to break down social barriers and redefine Halloween as, A Sexy Nurse. Today, over 200 years later, women in recovery are being told that dressing sexy is a relapse warning sign. These people saying that The Sexy Batgirl, The Sexy UPS Lady and The Sexy Finding Nemo (It’s a real thing click here) are just a relapse warning sign may have forgotten that Halloween happens once a year.
The Costume Women in Recovery Wear Doesn’t Effect Their Sobriety
When a sexy Hamburger (yup it’s real click here) walks into the local substance abuse recovery dance on Halloween nobody says, “Wow, here comes a relapse warning sign.” They say, ”Wow that hamburger has boobs.” Women in recovery may be dressing a little provocative on Halloween, but this does not mean that they are in fact acting like sluts. If the sexy Ronald McDonald costume causes a woman in recovery to have sex with every dude who thinks his Top Gun costume is original, then I would say yep, Sexy Female Charlie Brown is a big carton relapse warning sign. What a woman in recovery wears has no bearing on her sobriety.
Recovery Is Based On Steps Not Skin
A relapse warning sign has to do with the decision to not go to meetings, the decision to hang out in bars, not call your sponsor, only hang out with men. A relapse warning sign is not solely based on articles of clothing. Hell, forget about relapse warning signs, long term sobriety is based on steps, spirituality, and service. It’s not based on sex appeal or how much skin society says is ok to show off once a year. Just because you might be uncomfortable with how great the sexy guitar looks doesn’t mean that the sexy guitar is strumming to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s greatest hit, “Relapse Warning Sign.”
Sexual Promiscuity Doesn’t mean Drug Relapse
Lets go even further down the path of what really doesn’t matter when looking at a relapse warning sign. How much sex you have. It doesn’t matter! You could have sex 3 times a day, does it mean you are a sex addict, yes. Does it mean you are close to drinking? Not always, so to paint the sexy Captain Crunch as a relapse warning sign is simply wrong and disrespectful to women. Also who are you to judge the merits of a women in recovery’s program? Do you go to meetings with her, do you know how many people she has helped, do you see her pick up cigarette butts or make coffee at meetings? If you do then maybe you can have an option on to what a relapse warning sign is for her. If you don’t know the intimate portions of her program, only the intimate parts of her exposed by her Sexy Sponge Bob Out fit then keep a lid on it because judging others actually is relapse warning sign.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 13, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
A Gender Specific, Women’s Drug Rehab Will Save Your Life
I had been to many, many drug rehabs in my 28 years, but nothing seemed to work. Finally one morning after I woke up with my eyeliner smudged across my face and my Juicy sweatpants covered in blood and puke I decided to try drug rehab one more time, but this time I knew I needed a women’s drug rehab. It must have been that “moment of clarity” all those old men from AA were talking about, but I just knew a women’s drug rehab was what I needed and here are the 3 reasons why.
3. Females Provide The Best Help For Heroin Addiction.
Ok, maybe this is TMI but since I was a little girl I have always had a female OBGYN. I could not imagine having a man telling me what to do with my lady parts. Men have no idea what it is like to a woman so I figured I should apply this same idea to my recovery, so I looked into a women’s drug rehab. I’m sure there are a ton of really great male therapists, but I just felt like woman would really know what it is like to be me and I was right. My female therapist struggled with the same things I did. If I didn’t go to a women’s drug rehab I could have been placed with a therapist and given cookie cutter answers instead of hand crafted, gender specific help for heroin addiction.
2. No Distractions. I Could Finally Focus Only On My Drug Addiction
I think it was the first time I saw JC Chasez from NSYNC on MTV that I realized I was going to have a problem with boys. When I entered the women’s drug rehab they told me this was called this “Male Dependency”. I have done, and will do, the same horrible things to get my hands on a man that I did to get my hands on heroin. I’m not a slut by any means. It’s just that to me men are a drug just the same a crack. A women’s drug rehab was the only way I could focus on my recovery. Having men in group would be just as bad as having a bag of heroin sitting in the middle of the floor. Neither would offer me much help for heroin addiction.
1. I Feel Safer In A Women’s Drug Rehab
I’ve been through a lot. A lot of the things I have been through are 100% my fault but some of them were not. I was abused and taken advantage of in my addiction. Early in my recovery being around men made me very nervous. Yes, I needed help for heroin addiction but at my women’s drug rehab I also got help for the things that happened to me that spawned my fear of men. Drug abuse and trauma go hand in hand in my life and my women’s treatment center helped me get a handle on both issues. I found out much later that I am not alone. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Estimates that 80% of women in treatment for drug abuse have histories of sexual or physical assault. I don’t think I would have been able to make so much progress in my life and my recovery had I not gone to a fantastic women’s drug rehab.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 4, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
I Stayed Sober & She Relapsed…Why?
Remember that friend I talked about last week? The one who I was inseparable from? The one who ran into the boys’ apartment to get water to put out that fire?
Well, she called me not too long ago. We haven’t spoken in a LONG time, years at least I just celebrated seven years of continuous sobriety (yes, weekends and holidays count!). She just got out of treatment…again.
It sucked to hear that. I was so bummed! Here’s a woman who did almost all the same things as me in early-sobriety. We got into trouble together. We got better together. I stayed sober. She didn’t.
Why is that? Why was I able to stay sober for years (and hopefully continue to stay sober for many more), while she relapsed?
Ultimately, I don’t know. I have some ideas, but they’re only ideas. I’ll share them with you below. I’ll also share the story of the first time she drank and how much that crushed me.
Chronic Relapser
I should probably mention two things here. First, my friend’s name is Cindy. It feels weird to keep calling her “her.” Second, Cindy’s a chronic relapser. Since I’ve known her, she’s gotten high a handful of times. And those are only the times I know about.
I say that not to bash her at all. I mean, I was a chronic relapser for a long time! It wasn’t until I started working steps and getting to know a God of my own understanding that I stopped relapsing.
Even then, I’m not sure why I stopped relapsing…which brings me to the story of the first time Cindy relapsed.
We’d been living together for around six months at this point. The fire incident was long behind us. By now we were both heavily involved in the twelve-steps and bettering ourselves spirituality.
In the months we were living together in the halfway house, we saw roommates bounce in and out. We saw girls relapse almost instantly. We saw them do well for a while before taking that first sucker drink. We even saw girls get kicked out while being stone cold sober.
Coming Home Drunk
Cindy was in the same sponsorship family I was. We didn’t have the same sponsor but our sponsors were sponsee sisters. So, I guess we were sponsee cousins? I’ve never been able to figure out how the whole sponsorship family system works!
Like I said above, we lived pretty similar lives. The one major difference is that she was involved in an unhealthy relationship and I wasn’t. Now, that isn’t to say I wasn’t ever involved in unhealthy or codependent relationships. I definitely was!
She came back to the halfway house one night reeking of alcohol. She was a wreck. She said her boyfriend broke up with her and, instead of going to a meeting, she went to the bar.
I called her sponsor who said she would be right over. I called our house manager (who was 100% my guardian angel by now). We sat out front, smoked cigarettes, talked, and waited them both to show up.
Cindy ended up not getting in any trouble from our halfway house. The owner knew she was trying to do the right thing and screwed up. He sent her to a detox just to be safe, but that was it.
Not too long after, like maybe two months or so, she drank again. This time she went off on a run. I didn’t see her for a bunch of months, until she showed up at our home group to pick up a white chip. She’s been in and out ever since.
Why’d She Drink?
Here’s where things get complicated. I honestly have no idea why Cindy drank and why I didn’t when I was in a similar situation.
I know, you’re thinking she drank because she was in a relationship without first being spiritually fit. I don’t know though. I’ve heard people say that before and it’s always sounded a little fishy. Like, does God punish people for not always doing the right thing?
I just can’t wrap my head around that. It seems too close to the idea of a punishing and vengeful God. My God isn’t like that at all. My God is loving, caring, and always has my back. I have to believe Cindy’s God was the same.
I don’t know. I mean everyone has a God of their own understanding, right? Maybe her relationship with her Higher Power was different. Maybe I was just lucky and Cindy wasn’t. Maybe she made a bad decision, set off the physical allergy, and the rest was history.
All I know for sure, with 100% certainty, is that I thank God regularly for my sobriety. I love Cindy and will always love her. She’s like a sister. Still, I’m very happy that she was the one who drank and not me.
